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Old 08-11-2012, 08:54 PM   #1
austxmama
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Terrified, please tell me I can do this...

I go back to work in a week. I have been home for 4 years with the kids. But, our inheritance ends in November and we can't surrive on just my husbands income. I thought it would take me months to find a job in my field and it took only 4 days. Which is great, but now it seems like it is happening so quickly.

My kids are 4.5 and 2 years old. I have found a daycare that I really like and they seem to like it too when we went for a visit. I am worried though. We really have a laid back household, and now they will have a super structured day. I am worried they will have trouble adjusting.

What really scares me is I don't know if I can handle all of this. My husband works in construction and is so tired when he gets home the only thing he does to help is take out the trash. And I even have to nag him to do that. The only other thing he does is watch the kids when I go to symphony rehearsal which is a couple of hours once a week. He claims he will help more, but I doubt he will. After being married for 9 years I know him well enough to know that he really won't do much.

I am just really scared that I won't be able to handle all this. This is just such a huge change for us right now. Please tell me it will be okay because I am already feeling very overwhelmed.

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Old 08-11-2012, 09:13 PM   #2
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Re: Terrified, please tell me I can do this...

You can do it. May I suggest dropping them off on a day when you aren't expected to work so that you can get your self together before you have to leave them for a whole day? It is really nice to have that time to cry and check on them every half hour before you are at work where they will want you concentrating on work, not missing your kids.

Most kids enjoy structure once they are exposed to it.

It will be OK. Your house won't look as nice, the first few weeks are going to be rough for you, the kids will realize this isn't a new game and go through an adjustment period as soon as you are getting used to it, and then it'll all fall into place. You'll hate your dh because you will be doing more work than him at home and will be just as tired as him when you get home. He'll probably start picking up the fun chores with the kids and you'll get stuck with dishes and crap like that. But again, it'll fall back into place. You'll get tired of it and let him have it and he'll straighten up. You'll feel overwhelmed and then that one day a month you can relax and just enjoy your kids without any guilt for something left undone. Realize. That. Is. The. Day. that makes it all worth it.

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Old 08-11-2012, 10:21 PM   #3
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Re: Terrified, please tell me I can do this...

I like what wlillie said! I'm counting on this, that everything will fall into place. I go back to work soon after only one year (mat leave) off, and I'm terrified, so I can imagine what you must be feeling after 4 years off! But things somehow worked out with my first, so I'm trusting that they will, after some bumps, work out again. I think that kids mostly mirror what you show them, so if you show them that these changes are alright, that it is a new adventure with new opportunities, and you all still get to have fun together and be a family, and tell yourself this too, then you are all going to be just fine!
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Old 08-12-2012, 09:17 AM   #4
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Thank you so much. I have the kids set up to have 3 days of daycare before I start work, so I hope that is enough. I hope everything will fall into place and that it is a smooth transition for everyone.
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Old 08-12-2012, 11:18 AM   #5
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Re: Terrified, please tell me I can do this...

Oh mama! I so understand. I was right where you are a couple months ago - well, minus the 2 y/o (I just have 1, and she is 4.5) and the inheritance My DH is just like yours, too.

The first few weeks were REALLY hard. I still feel like a crap mom sometimes. But part of the reason I went back was because my daughter thrives in the structure and she loves school and being around other kids, and we could not have afforded to send her to preschool this year otherwise. She was getting SO bored and restless at home with me, and was beginning to act out because of it. She has had very little trouble adjusting - the only thing she doesn't like is naptime, because she doesn't nap.

ITA with wlillie about how you will hate your husband. I get REALLY upset and *itchy when I get home from work and he is laying on the couch while I'm trying to straighten up and do dishes. Sometimes I want to smash a plate over his head. but I have learned that if I ask him to help nicely, instead of getting *itchy, he helps more.

Things are starting to fall into place for us. They will for you, too. It will be hard at first, but you can totally do it mama! Best of luck at the new job!!
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Old 08-13-2012, 11:09 AM   #6
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Re: Terrified, please tell me I can do this...

Read the thread on this forum called something like "How do you get it all done?" - most people say they just don't! It really helped put things in perspective for me before going back to work. I have a pretty supportive/helpful husband, but yeah, I do more than he does and it grates. But you quickly re-prioritize, and it gets better. I think as a working mom you'll have a great chance to be an amazing role model for your kids. Just enjoy the time you do have with them!
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Old 08-14-2012, 01:45 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by sasra_nu
Oh mama! I so understand. I was right where you are a couple months ago - well, minus the 2 y/o (I just have 1, and she is 4.5) and the inheritance My DH is just like yours, too.

The first few weeks were REALLY hard. I still feel like a crap mom sometimes. But part of the reason I went back was because my daughter thrives in the structure and she loves school and being around other kids, and we could not have afforded to send her to preschool this year otherwise. She was getting SO bored and restless at home with me, and was beginning to act out because of it. She has had very little trouble adjusting - the only thing she doesn't like is naptime, because she doesn't nap.

ITA with wlillie about how you will hate your husband. I get REALLY upset and *itchy when I get home from work and he is laying on the couch while I'm trying to straighten up and do dishes. Sometimes I want to smash a plate over his head. but I have learned that if I ask him to help nicely, instead of getting *itchy, he helps more.

Things are starting to fall into place for us. They will for you, too. It will be hard at first, but you can totally do it mama! Best of luck at the new job!!
Sounds like our situations are very similar! I had a long talk with my DH and told him my concerns. We sat together and drew up a schedule with the chores included and hung it in our kitchen. He also gave me permission to ride his butt if he didn't follow through on the chores.I have also been super positive with the kids and talking up how cool and fun school will be. Thanks so much for the support!
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Old 08-14-2012, 09:07 PM   #8
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Re: Terrified, please tell me I can do this...

You can do it and honestly, you might appreciate the adult interaction. Don't feel bad about doing stuff to make life easier on you as well. I have a pixie cut, so easy hair in the morning helps me. My crockpot is my best friend so we can eat dinner more easily. I can finally afford for someone else to deep clean the house every other week, so this is like a gift to myself. If you need to eat out oncea week or get take out do it. Also, if you have to pack lunches the lunchbox.com products have made it way easier for our family to pack lunches and not have to wash 100 little containers daily. There are benefits to being a working mom and hopefully you can get some enjoyment from your job. Best of luck to you!
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Old 08-30-2012, 03:30 PM   #9
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Re: Terrified, please tell me I can do this...

Our stories are very similar . I have a fresh 3yr old going to school next week for the first time, and I'm looking for work for the "first" time in four years too. My husband travels constantly for business (leaving us for about a week at a time plus), so I'm the main caregiver, home-maker, and to help support our family I need to get a PT job (because I need to be able to take care of DD when she needs, JIC daddy is out of town on business). It's necessary, and I'm full of trepidation for her, for me, for DH, how our family will adjust, and be well. Mama, you aren't alone, and you can do this . I just hope it only takes me four days when I start the search too! Nice job!!
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Old 08-30-2012, 04:41 PM   #10
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Re: Terrified, please tell me I can do this...

Quote:
Originally Posted by austxmama View Post
I go back to work in a week. I have been home for 4 years with the kids. But, our inheritance ends in November and we can't surrive on just my husbands income. I thought it would take me months to find a job in my field and it took only 4 days. Which is great, but now it seems like it is happening so quickly.

My kids are 4.5 and 2 years old. I have found a daycare that I really like and they seem to like it too when we went for a visit. I am worried though. We really have a laid back household, and now they will have a super structured day. I am worried they will have trouble adjusting.

What really scares me is I don't know if I can handle all of this. My husband works in construction and is so tired when he gets home the only thing he does to help is take out the trash. And I even have to nag him to do that. The only other thing he does is watch the kids when I go to symphony rehearsal which is a couple of hours once a week. He claims he will help more, but I doubt he will. After being married for 9 years I know him well enough to know that he really won't do much.

I am just really scared that I won't be able to handle all this. This is just such a huge change for us right now. Please tell me it will be okay because I am already feeling very overwhelmed.
It will be okay. You've actually done the hardest part which is finding a job in this market after a big break. Remember, nothing is permanent. If it doesn't work, you can find another solution but you have to give it some time. Honestly, I suspect that your hubs will help out a bit more once you are working outside the home. he will probably never be mr. mom or go 50%, but I find they help out more when taking care of the kids/home is not your only job. Don't worry...it'll work out! Chin up.
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