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Old 08-24-2012, 12:05 PM   #11
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My hubby has only recently started helping around the house. We just moved into a new home, both commute to work so we're gone 12+ hours a day, and have a 7 month old EBF baby plus a 4 year old.

Hubby is responsible for all outdoor stuff. If he needs help, he asks. I do the cooking and laundry, but if I need help I ask. We split dishes and cleaning house almost equally.

If DH wants to watch tv when stuff needs to be done, he has to fold clothes or wash dishes while he does it and entertain the baby.

If he wants to go to bed early at night while I'm still cleaning, he has to wipe down all the mirrors, counters, and sinks first.

If he made the mess, he cleans it up. Including his laundry.

Its not an even 50-50 split, but neither of us have any real complaints. Sure we don't want to bs cleaning, but it has to be done so we divide and conquer to get it done, then get to relax together.

From my iPhone, probably while BF'ing.

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Old 08-24-2012, 12:06 PM   #12
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

I think you got some great advice about building in his tasks and stuff on a regular basis.

I have a couple things I've done with laundry. When we're watching tv together and there is stuff to fold, I throw the clothes in two baskets. I hand one with stuff to fold to him; I do one with stuff to hang. I don't have to say anything.

When I feel overwhelmed by chores, I just stop doing his laundry. He's a big boy. I don't make a big deal about it. I don't even say anything. Easy solution; just be prepared for him to use as much of his stuff as possible before he washes it. But that didn't bother me
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Old 08-24-2012, 03:19 PM   #13
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

I told my dh I was feeling much the same way. So we sat down together and listed everything that has to be done. From folding laundry to feeding dogs, to dusting. Then we made a schedual and put it where we could both see it. He expressed wihich ones he wanted, and now we try to get all of it done. He does fine when he can see what needs doing ,but otherwise it just turns into me nagging. This has helped a lot. IT's not that he doesn't want to help it was that he didn't know how or what to do.
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Old 08-24-2012, 03:29 PM   #14
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

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Originally Posted by doodah View Post
I am sorry but this made me LOL....did you do this???? yeah that would totally not work out well with my hubby either. After 10 years of marriage, I got him right where I want him regarding being hands on around the house, but I definitely would never have tried this tactic. I cant imagine that would go over well for any spouse.
Yeah. It was a combination of being pissed about not SAH-his decision, the daycare-his decision, the house not having a dishwasher-his decision, the unimportance of weedeating-his priority, and him not getting up with the baby the ONE night I asked him to. When I did the math, I had about an hour and a half not taken up by chores, work and pumping/breastfeeding (which I don't enjoy), and he literally had 22 hours.

It's not 50/50 by any means, but it's not like that anymore. Though I did ask him to take over the dishes since we had the newbie and he hasn't even pretended to do them...
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Old 08-24-2012, 04:01 PM   #15
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

same here. Since I've been sick with hyperemesis and been out of commission he's had to clean up but only after it got so bad he couldn't live with it any more. The whole house was just gross and he is a clean freak or at least likes to think so.
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Old 08-24-2012, 06:02 PM   #16
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Treat him like a child. He's probably clueless on when you need help.
This was my DH. He literally cannot see the 1,474 things that need doing on any given day/weeknight.
I finally realized 2 things:
1. I actually have to tell him. DO THIS. Do it while we are upstairs doing bath/bedtime. Then he's like, oh you're right, there ARE three days of dishes in the sink
2. He responds well to lists. I have secretly (and unscientifically) diagnosed him as having a slight auditory processing problem. If i write it down, he gets it.

And he realized something too: helping out means a less frazzled wife with more energy later in the evening if you catch my drift. I hVe no problem saying, no, i ran my tail off all day while you watched tv. I am tired leave me alone! He will go out of his way to prevent that
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Old 08-30-2012, 11:17 AM   #17
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

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Originally Posted by slimy72 View Post
I told my dh I was feeling much the same way. So we sat down together and listed everything that has to be done. From folding laundry to feeding dogs, to dusting. Then we made a schedual and put it where we could both see it. He expressed wihich ones he wanted, and now we try to get all of it done. He does fine when he can see what needs doing ,but otherwise it just turns into me nagging. This has helped a lot. IT's not that he doesn't want to help it was that he didn't know how or what to do.

I like this idea! I think if I work with DH so he can see what actually needs to get done on a day-to-day basis, maybe he'll help a little more. I get so irritated because he keeps saying "You do too much!" but then doesn't offer any solution to keep me from doing too much....

And I'm also not afraid to let him know he'll be more likely to get lucky at night when I'm not falling into bed exhausted AN HOUR after he goes to bed!!

Thanks for all the hints/tips/ideas/support, mamas! I'll report back with anything that may or may not work that I try.
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Old 10-07-2012, 05:48 PM   #18
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

When you need help, assign him a task to do. So for instance, if you are feeling overwhelmed, tell him how you feel, and ask him to do one or more of the tasks. They need to be assigned, they do not know what needs to be done otherwise
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Old 10-08-2012, 03:08 AM   #19
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

We are currently dealing with this. Helping out has always been a bit of an issue but since I start working full time it's gotten worse.

This is the first time in our married-with-children life that I have worked full time. I work midnights and sleep from around 830-2pm so it's not like I have any time to do chores while the kids are sleeping or at school like before. When it was that way I had no problem doing 99% of the load around the house but now that we are home together more and I have less time to do what I used to do we tend to fight about chores and helping out more often. He will let dishes sit for days and not do anything until he sees I'm upset...now mind you, the dishes is something he said he would do from day one...and he really does know that! We don't do well sitting down together making out lists (not yet anyways) so he said if I make a list of what all needs to be done, circle the ones I absolutely do not want to do/can't do he will do the same and then we will compare them and see who is willing/can do what. It's the stupid things that really make me mad though...like halfway doing a job. He's supposed to let the dog out in the morning, feed him fresh food and water (he eats outside...basset hound!) and yet I still have to remind him to give the dog fresh water, not what was left in there from yesterday. You would think it was obvious but somehow it's not. And when I remind him or ask him if he gave the dog fresh water he gets all mad. I've yet to figure out how to be sure he did the task completely (not so much perfect, just complete!) or not. I mean, if you didn't complete the task and I have to go behind you and finish it, why even bother?!

List time..!
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Old 10-08-2012, 04:09 AM   #20
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Re: How to get DH to pitch in just a little more?

I found THIS while looking for a complete list of chores, I re-typed it adding lines to the right to write down the name of the family member who does that chore and then added five lines at the end of each section to add more if necessary.

I'm going to give dh a copy, use one for myself and then use another one to make our master list! I'm kind of excited...!
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