Diaper Swappers

mekat · 08-28-2012, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happymamamia

Thanks for the reply. I think you should know you come off a bit rude here. I don't recall asking anyone on the forum to guess his diagnosis.

\

I think her post was aimed more at me then you.

I wasn't diagnosing him just agreeing from your description it didn't sound right and expressed what my thoughts were based on your post. I have a thick skin so I am not worried by a slightly hostile post.

I am glad the swallowing issue is going to be addressed.

I didn't say anything before but if a child has a swallowing disorder it makes choking much more dangerous. I actually had to teach my son how to spit out vomit and not hold it in his mouth thus cutting off his breathing. Obvious and instinctive stuff to typically developing kids isn't so in kids if there are swallowing and/or developmental issues. This is the primary reason every time I take ds to ER where vomiting is involved he has to have chest x-rays to check lung status. Swallowing issues can be very dangerous.

pcjs · 08-28-2012, 06:32 PM

Not trying to be rude or harsh but you asked an opinion. Once you mention it, you need to leave it alone. If anyone failed it was child welfare prior to the adoption as they should have pushed for better medical care but if it wasn't reported by the parents then they may not have known. It probably has more to do with the substance abuse in utero, especially the shaking and other stuff and child probably needs a slew of testing and specialists from genetics to feeding to gi to neurology. Child has to have a ped. when in foster care and it mandated to go regularly. The medical records should be a part of the finalization. BUT, most that take the state medical aren't very good - there are a few who are great but overall they just very quickly see the kids and push them through to make money as the reimbursement rates are very low. Not your child. It is appropriate you are concerned but after you mention your concerns, it is their choice what to do with the information.

ChocoMeijin · 08-28-2012, 07:29 PM

It sounds to me that the parents might be subconciously not realizing that he has a problem. Since he's been adopted maybe they can't have kids or something? So for them to get an 'imperfect' child is something that hasn't really crossed their minds? Like if you adopt a cute puppy from a shelter, but it ends up having a neurological issue. Something like that, sorry if i can't explain it too well, i'm having a rough day. :/

Also maybe print out a development chart for her and point out the things he is weak on? Like how many words he should be saying etc?

happymamamia · 08-29-2012, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChocoMeijin

It sounds to me that the parents might be subconciously not realizing that he has a problem. Since he's been adopted maybe they can't have kids or something? So for them to get an 'imperfect' child is something that hasn't really crossed their minds? Like if you adopt a cute puppy from a shelter, but it ends up having a neurological issue. Something like that, sorry if i can't explain it too well, i'm having a rough day. :/

Also maybe print out a development chart for her and point out the things he is weak on? Like how many words he should be saying etc?

They can have children....they adopted E because the father is actually his biological uncle (adoptive dad is brother to the bio father)....Dad has an older child as well. They brought him over to me today wheezing with a rattling, congested cough as well as more ringworm on his body. Ignorance at this point, methinks.

dancermommy1 · 08-29-2012, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by happymamamia

They can have children....they adopted E because the father is actually his biological uncle (adoptive dad is brother to the bio father)....Dad has an older child as well. They brought him over to me today wheezing with a rattling, congested cough as well as more ringworm on his body. Ignorance at this point, methinks.

Really? You'd have to be pretty ignorant to ignore physical illness.... This just sounds odd, I mean, I'm a first time parent and pretty ignorant and not around a ton of other kids, but I would notice all the things you've mentioned regarding delays, and CERTAINLY an illness...

isabelsmummy · 08-29-2012, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dancermommy1

Really? You'd have to be pretty ignorant to ignore physical illness.... This just sounds odd, I mean, I'm a first time parent and pretty ignorant and not around a ton of other kids, but I would notice all the things you've mentioned regarding delays, and CERTAINLY an illness...

Yeah- that.
Normally first time parents spend too much time at the doc's office, not too little.
If he was a foster child, isn't it a bit odd that none of this has been noticed before? Or perhaps it has and they know but are in denial? All those things you are noticing, except the talking perhaps, would have been very noticeable by 19mos when he was adopted. ESPECIALLY if his mom was a drug addict - any doc would have been looking for a issues.

The illness though makes it easier for you in my opinion. My daycare has said to me before that they didn't want my dd back until a doc saw her rash. *I* knew that she tended to break out in a weird rash when she had a cold, but it was a new daycare provider that wanted confirmation it wasn't contagious. So think you are totally correct in saying you need his ringworm controlled with whatever (is it a cream or something?) before he comes back. I don't think that is overstepping anything at all.

mommasave36 · 08-29-2012, 03:13 PM

I have no words! The ringworm thing is odd. And one would think it would be blatantly obvious to keep a look out for developmental issues in a child whose mother was a drug abuser. I do believe as a caregiver for this child, it is important that you keep a record of what/when you tell the parents regarding any sort of delays or health issues. And note any issues with the child so it is all documented. He has some symptoms that scream he needs some intervention and it's unfortunate the parents aren't paying attention. But it's such a tough subject to talk about! The only experience I have is that my child's prek teacher informed me that my son may have ADHD and should be tested. At first I said, "YES, finally a reason for his behavior issues." Then I had doubts that he's just a spirited child. I keep flouncing back and forth. But the thing is, after being informed, I educated myself to see the symptoms. Something I would think any other parent would do when given that "talk" from a care giver or educator. I still haven't told his teacher that I want to give him time to mature before we see a specialist, so maybe the mother is having a hard time finding words to express what she's thinking.

mekat · 08-29-2012, 04:36 PM

I know this is a terrible thing to ask but do they even want this child or did they take him on as an obligation?. My sister is a foster parent and some of the biological aunts and uncles really don't want the responsibility but try to take it on out of family obligation.

She has one foster daughter who has been in limbo for over a year because biological mom guilted paternal aunt into applying for custody. The aunt really hasn't been enthusiastic won't complete paper work doesn't bother with age appropriate activities when they have visitation and it isn't out of ignorance since she has another child only a few months older then my sister's foster daughter. She just seems apathetic about the whole thing.

The aunt isn't a terrible person. She is just a single mother who struggles to support her own child with no help and probably would have said no if the biological mom and the rest of the family weren't constantly pressing her with constant guilt trips.

Any way I am thinking them not wanting a child may go far in explaining their reaction or rather inaction.

mjg2043 · 08-29-2012, 05:12 PM

Are child care providers in this setting considered mandated reporters? Withholding medical care is problematic, and I would think a chest cold and ringworm would be enough to get the child to a doctor. If they are not caring for the child that is neglect. Maybe some people think I am over reacting but someone has to advocate for the child's health.

Frankly if I were a child care provider I wouldn't even accept a child that sick until there was a sign off from a doctor.

Mom2jandb · 08-29-2012, 06:54 PM

I am concerned for this little boy. Someone needs to wake these parents up. I don't have much to add but I want to keep up with this thread. I tend to agree with the pps about possible neglect.

08-28-2012, 06:32 PM	#12
pcjs Registered Users Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 14,206	Re: Developmental Delays in someone else's child? Need advice. Not trying to be rude or harsh but you asked an opinion. Once you mention it, you need to leave it alone. If anyone failed it was child welfare prior to the adoption as they should have pushed for better medical care but if it wasn't reported by the parents then they may not have known. It probably has more to do with the substance abuse in utero, especially the shaking and other stuff and child probably needs a slew of testing and specialists from genetics to feeding to gi to neurology. Child has to have a ped. when in foster care and it mandated to go regularly. The medical records should be a part of the finalization. BUT, most that take the state medical aren't very good - there are a few who are great but overall they just very quickly see the kids and push them through to make money as the reimbursement rates are very low. Not your child. It is appropriate you are concerned but after you mention your concerns, it is their choice what to do with the information. __________________ Mom to my wonderfully sweet toddler who is the joy of our lives. :

08-28-2012, 07:29 PM	#13
ChocoMeijin Registered Users Join Date: May 2011 Location: ON, Canada Posts: 625 Ratings: 34 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	It sounds to me that the parents might be subconciously not realizing that he has a problem. Since he's been adopted maybe they can't have kids or something? So for them to get an 'imperfect' child is something that hasn't really crossed their minds? Like if you adopt a cute puppy from a shelter, but it ends up having a neurological issue. Something like that, sorry if i can't explain it too well, i'm having a rough day. :/ Also maybe print out a development chart for her and point out the things he is weak on? Like how many words he should be saying etc? __________________ Mama to my wonderful little DS April 5th, 2011 VGBeads Get your favourite video game character beaded up!

08-29-2012, 03:13 PM	#17
mommasave36 Registered Users Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Texas Posts: 642 Ratings: 93 Feedback: 100%	Re: Developmental Delays in someone else's child? Need advice. I have no words! The ringworm thing is odd. And one would think it would be blatantly obvious to keep a look out for developmental issues in a child whose mother was a drug abuser. I do believe as a caregiver for this child, it is important that you keep a record of what/when you tell the parents regarding any sort of delays or health issues. And note any issues with the child so it is all documented. He has some symptoms that scream he needs some intervention and it's unfortunate the parents aren't paying attention. But it's such a tough subject to talk about! The only experience I have is that my child's prek teacher informed me that my son may have ADHD and should be tested. At first I said, "YES, finally a reason for his behavior issues." Then I had doubts that he's just a spirited child. I keep flouncing back and forth. But the thing is, after being informed, I educated myself to see the symptoms. Something I would think any other parent would do when given that "talk" from a care giver or educator. I still haven't told his teacher that I want to give him time to mature before we see a specialist, so maybe the mother is having a hard time finding words to express what she's thinking. __________________ SAHM to two rowdy boys

08-29-2012, 04:36 PM	#18
mekat Registered Users Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,553 Ratings: 2 Feedback: 100%	Re: Developmental Delays in someone else's child? Need advice. I know this is a terrible thing to ask but do they even want this child or did they take him on as an obligation?. My sister is a foster parent and some of the biological aunts and uncles really don't want the responsibility but try to take it on out of family obligation. She has one foster daughter who has been in limbo for over a year because biological mom guilted paternal aunt into applying for custody. The aunt really hasn't been enthusiastic won't complete paper work doesn't bother with age appropriate activities when they have visitation and it isn't out of ignorance since she has another child only a few months older then my sister's foster daughter. She just seems apathetic about the whole thing. The aunt isn't a terrible person. She is just a single mother who struggles to support her own child with no help and probably would have said no if the biological mom and the rest of the family weren't constantly pressing her with constant guilt trips. Any way I am thinking them not wanting a child may go far in explaining their reaction or rather inaction.

08-29-2012, 05:12 PM	#19
mjg2043 Registered Users Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Illinois Posts: 988 Ratings: 28 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Are child care providers in this setting considered mandated reporters? Withholding medical care is problematic, and I would think a chest cold and ringworm would be enough to get the child to a doctor. If they are not caring for the child that is neglect. Maybe some people think I am over reacting but someone has to advocate for the child's health. Frankly if I were a child care provider I wouldn't even accept a child that sick until there was a sign off from a doctor. __________________ Full time high school administrator and wife! Full time mom to Gabby (9/04) and Anthony (1/08)