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Old 08-31-2012, 05:38 PM   #21
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Re: Horrible first week of 2nd grade!!!

Our 2nd grade experience was a nightmare I wouldn't wish on an enemy. We had the teacher not let our son eat for 2 days at lunch. She said she just "forgot" him. He was in an office by himself and she never went to get him. I found out about it all after he got home. It is a LONG story for which we got an apology from the teacher, principal and the district. Make sure you are checking everything for yourself. It took me making surprise visits on several occasions to confirm what was happening. My entire family has been in the education field for years and it was hard to convince them until they heard the audio tape that we still have of the teacher. Crazy stuff. Good luck!

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Old 08-31-2012, 05:46 PM   #22
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Re: Horrible first week of 2nd grade!!!

WOW!!!! That's awful and so sorry that happened to your son. That's why I think it's important to trust your instincts and your kids. It's our job to protect our kids, you can never be too safe! Thanks for sharing!!
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Old 08-31-2012, 05:52 PM   #23
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Re: Horrible first week of 2nd grade!!!

When a child is wetting the bed and stressed to the point of feeling nauseated something is WRONG. I almost don't want to send my daughter to school TBH. *SHUDDERS*
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Old 08-31-2012, 06:00 PM   #24
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Re: Horrible first week of 2nd grade!!!

Also, going to the bathroom is a biological need. I would send in a note that my child WILL use the bathroom, whenever she needs to. Will not be "docked" points, or color changed, or ridiculed in ANYWAY. I would make copies and give one to the principal, nurse, guidance counselor. NO ONE, I MEAN NO ONE denies the needs of my kids when it comes to pottying. No excuse, I don't care how disruptive the teacher perceives it. 7 year olds are unpredictable and so are their bowels and bladders and i'm sorry, don't be a teacher if you can't deal with that. Im a nurse. I had to toilet residents at the last place I worked. YES, there were residents who called every 5 minutes to be toileted and YES, it disrupted my charting and my med pass and sometimes my lunch time, but I didnt get to ridicule them, deny them food, make any comments, or mark them with a scarlett letter. That is called ABUSE. I chose to be a nurse and take care of people. Why are our children any different? And we wonder why the generations coming up suffer from anxiety disorders at an alarming rate.
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Old 08-31-2012, 06:14 PM   #25
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Re: Horrible first week of 2nd grade!!!

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Also, going to the bathroom is a biological need. I would send in a note that my child WILL use the bathroom, whenever she needs to. Will not be "docked" points, or color changed, or ridiculed in ANYWAY. I would make copies and give one to the principal, nurse, guidance counselor. NO ONE, I MEAN NO ONE denies the needs of my kids when it comes to pottying. No excuse, I don't care how disruptive the teacher perceives it. 7 year olds are unpredictable and so are their bowels and bladders and i'm sorry, don't be a teacher if you can't deal with that. Im a nurse. I had to toilet residents at the last place I worked. YES, there were residents who called every 5 minutes to be toileted and YES, it disrupted my charting and my med pass and sometimes my lunch time, but I didnt get to ridicule them, deny them food, make any comments, or mark them with a scarlett letter. That is called ABUSE. I chose to be a nurse and take care of people. Why are our children any different? And we wonder why the generations coming up suffer from anxiety disorders at an alarming rate.
I could not agree with you more!!! I send my child there to learn not have someone take away her basic rights to use the bathroom and eat! That's just crossing the line and I'm really surprised so many other mamas don't think so. And I agree about wetting the bed, that definitely tells me that there is something wrong! And you sound like a great nurse who respects people!! I have a lot of respect for that!
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Old 08-31-2012, 06:47 PM   #26
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Re: Horrible first week of 2nd grade!!!

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I could not agree with you more!!! I send my child there to learn not have someone take away her basic rights to use the bathroom and eat! That's just crossing the line and I'm really surprised so many other mamas don't think so. And I agree about wetting the bed, that definitely tells me that there is something wrong! And you sound like a great nurse who respects people!! I have a lot of respect for that!
I guess I can't get upset about something that's not happening. (the eating and bathroom being actually taken away) Now, if they really were taking lunch away, if they really were flat out not allowing restroom time, then I'd see it as rights being taken away. At this point, most kids have already had 2 years of restroom management teaching where they are encouraged to use the restroom at appropriate times. This is just an extension of that.

Maybe I'm weird. I see eating, toileting, and sleeping as things that we can manage-even as children.

The bed wetting is definitely a sign of stress. I know my DS1 had a couple of episodes the first couple of weeks of 1st grade. He was sooo worn out he just didn't wake up. Your DD sounds like she is more than just tired though! Poor girl! My DD is a sensitive little thing and would probably believe anything that was said to her while my boys would be more skeptical and recognize exaggeration.

I do hope that you and her teacher can help her feel more at ease after your meeting. I've found that scheduling a meeting ahead of time can ensure you get the teacher's undivided attention and ends up being more productive for everyone.
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Old 08-31-2012, 07:03 PM   #27
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Re: Horrible first week of 2nd grade!!!

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I guess I can't get upset about something that's not happening. (the eating and bathroom being actually taken away) Now, if they really were taking lunch away, if they really were flat out not allowing restroom time, then I'd see it as rights being taken away. At this point, most kids have already had 2 years of restroom management teaching where they are encouraged to use the restroom at appropriate times. This is just an extension of that.

Maybe I'm weird. I see eating, toileting, and sleeping as things that we can manage-even as children.

I do hope that you and her teacher can help her feel more at ease after your meeting. I've found that scheduling a meeting ahead of time can ensure you get the teacher's undivided attention and ends up being more productive for everyone.
Well it's not a matter of the bathroom being taken away, that's never been the issue. It's a matter of getting a punishment because of it. If it wouldn't bother you if you're child had to go to the bathroom really bad and had an accident in class in front of everyone because they were worried about getting in trouble or if your little one was made to walk for 30 minutes in 100 degree weather for a bathroom break than that is up to you. And we will just have to agree to parent differently. And I would be upset with ANYONE, especially someone who is in a position of authority and suppose to be looking out for my child (substitute, not the teacher) threatening that a kid wouldn't get to eat because they didn't behave. I would feel that way if it was my child or yours.

And I've already emailed her teacher but didn't receive any responses so I will have to wait until Tuesday to do up there. I know you may not agree and that's okay. I know that I will do what I feel is right for my kid just like I'm sure you would do what's necessary for yours!
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Old 08-31-2012, 07:06 PM   #28
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Re: Horrible first week of 2nd grade!!!

I know that the sub telling your daughter that they might lose lunch is very upsetting. However, that was a sub. You may want to let the classroom teacher know what the sub threatened, but I would avoid holding that against the classroom teacher.

I understand that you teach your child to be truthful. We do the same. But, that doesn't mean that everything she perceives as truth and relates to you is the same as the teacher or others would perceive it. 7 year olds do not always fully understand everything going on around them. Just because your daughter believes that 2 children had their color turned because they asked to go to the bathroom does not in fact mean that that is the reason. Hopefully your daughter was paying attention to her work and therefore might not have a full understanding of what was going on with these other kids.

It definitely sounds like a meeting is in order. But, try not to go into it angry because what is happening and what your daughter believes is happening may not be entirely the same.
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Old 08-31-2012, 07:36 PM   #29
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Re: Horrible first week of 2nd grade!!!

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Well it's not a matter of the bathroom being taken away, that's never been the issue. It's a matter of getting a punishment because of it. If it wouldn't bother you if you're child had to go to the bathroom really bad and had an accident in class in front of everyone because they were worried about getting in trouble or if your little one was made to walk for 30 minutes in 100 degree weather for a bathroom break than that is up to you. And we will just have to agree to parent differently. And I would be upset with ANYONE, especially someone who is in a position of authority and suppose to be looking out for my child (substitute, not the teacher) threatening that a kid wouldn't get to eat because they didn't behave. I would feel that way if it was my child or yours.

And I've already emailed her teacher but didn't receive any responses so I will have to wait until Tuesday to do up there. I know you may not agree and that's okay. I know that I will do what I feel is right for my kid just like I'm sure you would do what's necessary for yours!
I would absolutely be upset if my child was outright denied access to the restroom when they had to go-whether it was because they chose not to go at a proper time or because they had a sudden bladder attack/illness. I would not be upset if my child had to take a small punishment because they didn't plan well. I would hope that they would plan better the next time. I would expect that if my child was really ill, that I would be called to pick the child up and there wouldn't be punishment.

It is kind of odd that you didn't get a response. I was thinking something might be up due to the two days of subs, but email works at home so she should have at least responded by now. That's not professional.

I've not been very good at getting at it, so I am going to be a little more direct. Some of what you have posted is absolutely troubling. Some of it a little. There's a bit of an angry dramatic undercurrent (the whole rights are being taken away when nothing actually happened) I am picking up on in some of your posts. It's that kind of overstatment that makes it difficult to resolve issues and pits parent against teacher instead of parent and teacher against problem.

It also makes me wonder. If you tend to interpret and react to things this dramatically, could your DD do so as well? Could it be contributing to her anxiety? I know my DD and I are cut from the same cloth and we struggle with the same things.

Thank you for talking with me. I have to keep my own mama bear in check a good bit!

ETA: And the mama bear statement wasn't aimed at you! I just realized it could be taken that way and that is NOT what I meant!
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Old 08-31-2012, 07:38 PM   #30
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Re: Horrible first week of 2nd grade!!!

It sounds like your daughter is very stressed. Bed wetting and complaints of upset stomach are strong indicators of such. Overall is she a rule follower? Is she easily affected by your tone or if others are in trouble does she feel like she is too?

I am an occupational therapist that works in the school system. I have had clients and students that express these same type of stress indicators. I have had students that are very gentle in nature and rule followers that often would be highly affected by the teachers response to discipline even when the discipline wasnt directed at them.

The # system is common in the schools. It doesnt replace the name though it goes with it. Most classrooms I have worked all supplies (folders/crayon boxes) have the child's name who brought it and the # of that child. I honestly think the teacher was inconsiderate in the way she organized materials not because of the #'s but because she did not take into account that some children really get into school supply shopping and have a sense of ownership with materials. I think it is very confusing to a child that the folder that either they picked out or have their name on is now given to another based on #. To a 2nd grader it doesnt make sense.

I encourage you to reframe the walking at recess as a punishment. Kids need physical movement. I often encourage walking the playground or helping wash the tables in the cafe instead of pulling the child from recess and sitting them on the wall or sitting in the office. When these occur kids miss out on movement that they desperately need. Now if the weather is too extreme for walking the playground then an alternative needs to be in place. Maybe ask clarification about what happens when the weather is too hot for walking and what defines what is too hot.

It would not surprise me if when you go talk to the teacher that she will be shocked that your daughter is so worried. SHe probably has not heard a peep out of your daughter at all. I encourage you to approach the teacher explaining your child. Explain how your daughter has physically been affected. Explain to her about how your daughter responds to discipline at home. Is she easily affected by tone, by volume, by punishments that lead to being humiliated in front of others etc.

Then address your concerns about that your daughter is afraid to ask to go to the restroom to the point that she feels like she is going to have an accident. Discuss that you would prefer her to be allowed to go to the restroom whenever she asks and that if the teacher feels like your daughter is abusing the need to go that the teacher needs to bring it to your attention and all three of you need to decide a solution.

My guess is that the problem is that the teachers style and your daughters personality are not in alignment. The teacher is more than likely not even aware of it. Most teachers really dont want their students to be terrified. Focus your statements around "my daughter is feeling..... avoid your discipline technique is..... ie crap. THe way you word things can make a huge difference in if the teacher responds with oh my I had no idea she was soo affected I will change xyz vs this is how I run my room get over it.

the sub was more than likely using an idle threat that she/he could never actually do. It was very ineffective and poor classroom management. I would bring the sub issue up to the principal.
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