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Old 09-03-2012, 06:19 PM   #1
momofdestructobaby
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WWYD if your 5 year old was purposly causing damage within the home?

My DD turned 5 in June. She is the oldest of my 2 girls.

Starting when she was about 3ish she would draw on the walls of her room (and occasionally elsewhere) during nap time or if she was up there playing. Repeatedly she was consequenced for it.....making her wash it off....docking her money from her allowance.....missing outings she wanted to do etc.

The colouring on the walls tapered off by the time she was 4 but was replaced with cutting things with her scissors....her curtains, bedsheets, clothing. With the cutting, it was harder to prove it was "on purpose" often she'd cut a slit in something and claim it was accident while she was crafting (she is SUPER creative and artsy). Or, we'd not notice it until days later when the clothing went through the wash, again she'd always claim it was an accident. There was one incident where she cut her own hair....but in itself, I don't think thats overly odd for a 4 year old?!

For the past several months there have been no problems of this type so we agreed that for her 5th b-day we'd re-do her room. She chose the colour/theme etc.

Now, all of a sudden she has started scraping the paint off things. She started with her newly painted desk in her room. She used a coin and scraped all the paint off one side, and one leg. She was consequence, we discussed it. She say she "Doesn't know" why she did it. Well, I repainted it and a few days later she did the same to the top of our banister in the hall. Again, discussion and consequence. DH repainted it. Yesterday she did it again on the other side of the banister. She tried to hide it by sticking stickers on it. So she clearly knew it was wrong.

Today I was repainting that area and she came in the room and asked what I was doing. I told her and explained that each time she CHOOSES to do it, I will be consequence-ing her. She said she was sorry and she won't do it again. TWO HOURS LATER, she scraped the paint off the top of the darn desk again.

I freaking lost it. I am so made. I've taken the desk out of her room.

WDYT? WWYD?

I am at a total loss.

Each of these events has happened during our afternoon "quiet time". My YDD naps at this time. I do housework. And DD watches a movie and does craft time.

Help.

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Old 09-03-2012, 06:57 PM   #2
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Re: WWYD if your 5 year old was purposly causing damage within the home?

Mama--I'd contact a pediatric therapist. It sounds like there is something deeper going on that you may need some help with. Once or twice is normal, but this is a significant pattern over a number of years that is escalating.
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Old 09-03-2012, 06:59 PM   #3
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I think it sounds like she is bored and left unattended too much for her personality.
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Old 09-03-2012, 08:14 PM   #4
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^ yeah that. And maybe she is not ready to have access to certain things while unattended. And frankly he is five and probably doesn't want nap/quiet time and is doing this for attention.
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Old 09-03-2012, 08:26 PM   #5
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Re: WWYD if your 5 year old was purposly causing damage within the home?

That's a tough one. I'd certainly stop painting her room, and making her things nice for her until she outgrows it. (she hasn't cut her hair yet, so that's good)

But, I wouldn't take her crafts away.

I would stop sending her to her room for quiet time though. It sounds like it's time to either put her in a group setting a few times a week, or completely give up quiet time. OR completely give up expecting her not to wreck things. If you want quiet time, give up the expectations that she's going to keep crafting alone without ruining her stuff.

Get her some really cool craft supplies. Something more complicated than what she's used to.... maybe she's ready for more.
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Old 09-03-2012, 08:35 PM   #6
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Re: WWYD if your 5 year old was purposly causing damage within the home?

Thanks for the feedback ladies

She has a craft area that is pretty awesome. No shortage of supplies at a variety of levels. They are all accessible to her. I really don't want to take them away because she truly IS a very creative kid. She builds and crafts and writes and draws daily.

She is in kindergarten (which starts on Wed)......so she won't be having quiet time during the week anymore. I guess I will try and find some alternate activity for her on the weekends with DH or I. Its a struggle because DH works shifts and we often go several days barely seeing him....so I really *need* some reprieve in the afternoon which was why I had continued with quiet time. DD has never really complained about it....but perhaps this is her way of "complaining"?
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Old 09-03-2012, 08:41 PM   #7
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Re: WWYD if your 5 year old was purposly causing damage within the home?

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Originally Posted by momofdestructobaby View Post
She is in kindergarten (which starts on Wed)......so she won't be having quiet time during the week anymore.
I bet this will take care of the whole problem. I wouldn't really worry about it. I think she's just being her normal obnoxious age, and it doesn't seem like anything is wrong.. she's just bored and probably a little angry. But, school will give her that social outlet she might really need.
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Old 09-03-2012, 08:55 PM   #8
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Re: WWYD if your 5 year old was purposly causing damage within the home?

Outside of the destructiveness, how does she listen and behave? Will she do something the first time you ask her? Do you feel like she listens well and behaves?
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Old 09-03-2012, 09:31 PM   #9
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Re: WWYD if your 5 year old was purposly causing damage within the home?

Have you had her checked for ADHD. Impulse control is a big part of it. When she says she doesn't know why she is doing these things it is probably the truth. I would get the ped. to get the paperwork for the evaluation.
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Old 09-04-2012, 05:07 AM   #10
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She sounds bored. One of my dd's would draw on walls, she'd peel the wall border off the walls, etc. She just needed to be occupied & she outgrew it.

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