Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-05-2012, 10:45 PM   #1
made4this's Avatar
made4this
Active Contributor
Formerly: boyfarm3
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 507
My Mood:
Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

Please be gentle; here hoping for encouragement, I know many people have worse situations, and I honor and respect that. Please understand this is a big deal, death-of-a-dream situation for me, even though I know in my head it shouldn't be. Doc (who is wonderful) offered a sneak peek of baby today at 16w5d. It's another boy. OB says my husband only has Y sperm. Not sure if she was joking.

I LOVE AND ENJOY MY 3 BOYS VERY MUCH. They are healthy, bright, and generally delightful children. I have nothing to complain about. I just thought/hoped/dreamed/prayed I would have a daughter someday. I have been emotional for weeks at the possibility that it might not happen. I was really ready to be done with the pregnancy phase of life. We were going to do Shettles this time for a girl, but I got pregnant early.

I haven't told anyone but DH and my best friend, because when I tell people it's a boy, I want to be able to do it with a smile, no matter what comments they may make. Of course "all that matters is it's healthy." I know that in my head, but my heart is not cooperating. A couple of dear friends have told me during this pregnancy that maybe I will just be blessed with daughters-in-law and then I won't have to raise them. Anyone who can convince me that it's the same, I will buy them a Powerball ticket.

So please don't be too mean. I am just hoping for some encouragement.

Advertisement

made4this is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2012, 11:18 PM   #2
3lilbubs
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: la la land
Posts: 19,890
Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

Mama of four boys here too I really really wanted little girl. I had the same name picked out for the last three pregnancies. I was sure I'd have one boy, one girl. I had all these wonderful dreams of what having a little girl would be like. It never happened. I can't speak for all moms of boys but I think I will always feel that the female bond in my own little family went unfulfilled. In the same sense that a girl could never replace one of my boys and our own special bonds the boys don't fill the mother-daughter bond I so desperately wanted. I think from my experiences it is the most raw feeling when you are still pregnant or ttc. Give yourself some time and let yourself be sad. It doesn't mean you love or want your baby boy any less. You don't need to tell anyone before the baby comes out. Tell them it's a surprise. (it always is, isn't it? ) Be gentle with yourself. It will be ok. And no teenage daughter angst for us!
3lilbubs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2012, 11:20 PM   #3
sterlids's Avatar
sterlids
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: misawa, japan
Posts: 1,182
Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

here's a thought: granddaughters!!!! i know it's so far off right now but there will be that day when your first grandchild will be coming. just think you could have granddaughters and spoil them absolutely rotten! i have a friend that has 2 boys and all she wants is a girl. they are going to start trying again very soon and i know the whole time she'll be hoping for a girl.

on another note: it isn't just about the spermies. yes, i know in the end it is the sperm that determines the sex but if you ovulate early you're more likely to have boys. stay with me. boy sperm swim faster and die sooner, well if you ovulate early then the egg and sperm meet up super fast. the girl sperms swim slower and hang out in the crypts, yeah horrible word, of your cervix and vagina so they're waiting around for the eggs. if you ovulate later than all the boy sperms are gone. i hope that made sense. i'm hungry right now and pregnant so pregnancy brain is horrible.
__________________
danielle, loving wife to jayson 10-16-03 , SAHM to lucian 2-13-07 and aurelia 3-26-13
sterlids is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-05-2012, 11:35 PM   #4
made4this's Avatar
made4this
Active Contributor
Formerly: boyfarm3
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 507
My Mood:
Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

Thanks, 3lilbubs. Nice to hear it's normal to feel this way and that it will get better.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sterlids View Post
on another note: it isn't just about the spermies. yes, i know in the end it is the sperm that determines the sex but if you ovulate early you're more likely to have boys. stay with me. boy sperm swim faster and die sooner, well if you ovulate early then the egg and sperm meet up super fast. the girl sperms swim slower and hang out in the crypts, yeah horrible word, of your cervix and vagina so they're waiting around for the eggs. if you ovulate later than all the boy sperms are gone. i hope that made sense. i'm hungry right now and pregnant so pregnancy brain is horrible.
yes, sterlids. I read two very boring books on the subject, for apparently no reason. We were going to try all the timing techniques. I went off birth control to start monitoring ovulation, and, well...
made4this is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2012, 05:37 AM   #5
weesej's Avatar
weesej
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Central PA
Posts: 1,977
Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

I can understand to some degree. I have some girls, but also have had 4 boys in a row now.

Backgroud: After my 1st was born (boy) and I was expecting #2 I had a dream that I would have 4 boys and the 4th would be Benjamin. I assumed that the one I was carrying was a boy and he ended up a she. After that I forgot about the dream.

My second son was extremely difficult and strong willed. At the worst of his behavior I learned I was carrying my 4th boy (7th child). I was very disappointed and worried as to how I would deal with everything. A couple of nights later I had a very clear dream that startled me out of a deep sleep. I heard a loud voice say "Don't you remember?? This is Benjamin!"

He has been a sweet and dear son to raise. I have another one who is 2 and another little boy on the way. I'm about to sell off the girl stuff I had collected...hoping this was a girl. That is very bittersweet for me.
__________________
Jen , Wife to Scott, Mama to NINE 14, 13, 11, 9, 8, 5, 4, 4, and 22 months! Servant of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! and a homebirth midwifein my spare time

"It's not healthy to have spirochetes eating away at your brain" What do you know about Lyme?
weesej is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2012, 06:05 AM   #6
Done at 3's Avatar
Done at 3
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 777
My Mood:
I completely understand what your saying! I just had my third (and LAST) boy. Try not to be hard on yourself regarding missing your shettles opportunity. I tried everything, and I truly do mean EVERYTHING to try and sway for a girl. I was surrounded in negative ions, took all the recommended supplements, changed my ph through diet, shettles method, heck I even tried every wives tale I'd ever heard of. I had DH on supplements and a special diet, he couldn't exercise... You get the point basically you name it, I did it = DS3. I was in pieces about it through the end of the pregnancy. Once he arrived and was so sweet I felt a lot better.

The longing to have a daughter is still there but not as painfully as it was while I was pregnant. I had started a thread on dealing with gender disappointment while I was pregnant and got so much helpful support <3 it really helped me out so much to not feel so alone. (If you search through my posts you can check it out, sorry I don't know how to link it on my iPad :/ )

Big hugs to you! You are not alone and I wish you a wonderful pregnancy and some peace in your heart!
__________________
Lindsay- wife to my Soldier & SAHM to Gavin 3/06 Liam 5/09 and Collin 8/12
Done at 3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2012, 06:09 AM   #7
*KaiMom*'s Avatar
*KaiMom*
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where everything is bigger...Texas BABY!
Posts: 3,902
My Mood:
Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

Mom of three boys here and we are done having babies=no girls for me either. I spoil my friends girls with handmade girly things, clothes and gifts I just can't pass up. I also looking forward to dil and grandaughters someday.

Everything you're feeling is totally normal mama! I've felt them all and maybe more as the years have gone by and I know there wont be anymore "tries". I really enjoy my boys but there are times a sweet girl would be lovely to add to our mix.
__________________
Amanda hopelessly in love with my US Marine and three little men 12, 7.5 and 4 years<--what! When did that happen?
*KaiMom* is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2012, 06:12 AM   #8
4boys1girlforme's Avatar
4boys1girlforme
Registered Users
Previously: 4boysforme
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 12,369
My Mood:
Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

Don't be hard on yourself mama- I've been there. My DS4 is the sweetest little boy and we adore him!
Oh and I have a step-son too so DH had 5 boys before a girl.
__________________
Lee Ann RN student/ SAHM to Jaret '00, Spencer '03, Preston '05 (CLW at 37 months), Griffin '08 by VBAC (CLW at 21 months), & Mallory '10 by VBAC (CLW at 43 months)! Formerly tandem & bfing for a combined total of nearly 11 years! Also cloth diapering & baby wearingMy HUGE FSOT
4boys1girlforme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2012, 06:15 AM   #9
mommycass's Avatar
mommycass
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Louisville, Ky
Posts: 936
My Mood:
Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

I can't relate personally to having all boys but my mom had 2 girls and really tried for more kids but it never happened. My first was a boy and my mom has adored him, she adores the others as well but has a special bond with him. He's her little buddy! I think even though it may be far off, granddaughters sound amazing Whenever I feel unhappy or that something I have dreamed hasn't been fulfilled, I try to remind myself that Gods timing and plans are not always my own. God knows your dreams and wants them to be fulfilled too, he may just have a different timeline or a better plan than you've thought of.
FWIW- I have a great relationship with my MIL. My DH is an only child and she told me her mentor has the same name as me and if she'd had a girl that's the name she would've chosen
mommycass is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2012, 06:15 AM   #10
mommycass's Avatar
mommycass
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Louisville, Ky
Posts: 936
My Mood:
Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

DP

Last edited by mommycass; 09-06-2012 at 06:19 AM.
mommycass is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.