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Old 09-06-2012, 06:30 AM   #11
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Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

I couldn't read and not respond. Hugs.

I am not in your situation at all, but my mother's brother and his wife had only 4 sons. I remember growing up that it was kind of a bittersweet family joke that they never had daughters. Back in the 60s and 70s when their children were born people were less educated, less into to biology and less sensitive to these matters, so there was this bittersweet joke that they could only make boys. My aunt would, occasionally, mention her desire for having a daughter, but she would look to her sons with such pride and love that she always ended that thought with: "I'll be blessed with a ton of granddaughters I'm sure."

And she was right. 3 of her sons married in their early 20s and the other in his early 30s. All went on to have at least one daughter. In fact, she has 5 granddaughters. And she will soon have great grand children too that are daughters.

On the flip side, my mother's sister only had 2 daughters. She became grandmother to 3 boys and now great grandmother to a girl again.

These two women are both healthy, active and actively helping to raise these grandchildren and great grandchildren. Both are in their 70s now but you'd never know it! Both of them have their birthday on the same day too. I always think about how similar their situations are and, always wondered if it was the universes way to give each of them support to get through their disappointments.

Oh, and did I mention. The aunt with the boys... Her mother had 7 daughters only. She adopted two boys when their parents died. She just took them in and raised them with her daughters. Not that I say you should adopt, just that the only way she could have sons was to adopt - though it wasn't the reason she adopted them. She wanted to give them a home.


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Old 09-06-2012, 06:36 AM   #12
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Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

((HUGS)) I fully expect this new one to be a boy. 3 boys. I really really want a little girl. One reason we didnt' find out is cause I didnt' want to dwell on the gender for 1/2 my pregnancy. I know when this one is born and I get to hold it everythign will be fine.

With Dh's family gender seems to go in generations. DH has 3 sisters and 10 girl cousins. He is the only boy on his dad's side. Now his 2 sisters that have kids and us only have boys. Most of his cousins have only boys.
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Old 09-06-2012, 06:48 AM   #13
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Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

I think a lot of women can understand what you are feeling, both moms of boys and girls.

I will say, I do have a girl, one. But, I still feel similarly. I have 4 boys and am about to have my 5th. This is definitely our last baby as we have to do IVF to get pregnant. Not only am I very sad that I can't have anymore kids, but I REALLY wanted this last one to be a girl. I've wanted a sister for my DD since my 3rd boy. I've had a name picked out for that long too.

When I found out this last baby is a boy, I was pretty upset. I also kept it a secret for the same reason. I was struggling enough with it and I didn't want to hear the comments about so many boys and such. I know people aren't trying to be negative, but it still feels negative to me and stings.

I'm now 34wks. I will admit, I'm still very sad I'm not going to have another girl, but I do feel better than I did.

Give it time. I won't tell you the emotions will go away completely, but I think it will get less raw.
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Old 09-06-2012, 07:01 AM   #14
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Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

Hugs for you. When I was pg with DD3, I was *SURE* it was a boy. We were done, discussing the big V and I already had 2 girls, I was looking forward to having a boy. When she turned out to be a girl, I was really upset. DH was more upset, but refused to show it. Unfortunately, nothing to be done about it it, so we pretty much just sucked it up and dealt with it. We tried to look at the bright sides of DD2 having someone same gender close in age, already having the right clothes, etc.

As another poster mentioned, I think looking forward to granddaughters might help. You get all the fun of a girl-from buying the frilly fru fru baby clothes, to taking them for manicures, without all most of the teenage girl drama.
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Old 09-06-2012, 07:59 AM   #15
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Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

I'm pregnant with boy #3 here and DH says we are done, so I will never have a daughter. It breaks my heart almost daily, especially as I get closer to delivery. I love my boys to pieces but I always envisioned my future having a daughter in it. And yes daughters-in-law and grand-daughters are great and all, but it just isn't the same.
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Old 09-06-2012, 08:35 AM   #16
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Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

I never really longed for a girl, but I can completely understand why you would. I have people saying to me too that maybe it will be a girl this time. I'm not holding my breath and won't be sorry if I have another boy. However, my husband really wants a little girl. He is going to have an ache in his heart if we never have a girl. I think, though, we'd probably adopt if he ever decides that it's really important to him.

So not personally relating, but I can see how much it bums my husband out.
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Old 09-06-2012, 09:06 AM   #17
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I get it. I know if we had had all boys I would feel the same. Incidentally, we have had 5 girls. I know my DH would've loved a son and I'm sure he had some disappointment that it didn't happen. We very happy though with our girls. It can be hard to have a dream for your family and then not have it fulfilled.
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Old 09-06-2012, 10:12 AM   #18
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Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

Thanks everybody. My husband is one of 3 boys. His dad is one of 2 boys. His uncle has 3 boys. So far, 2 of them have produced boys and no girls. HOWEVER, each of DH's brothers have now produced a daughter, so I thought we had a shot. I too was very close with my MIL and she used to say how thankful she was at being able to have daughters without raising them, but two years ago when I was 7 months pregnant she abruptly moved out of state to be with...her mother. Blood must be thicker than water. She broke my heart. I appreciate the encouragement about granddaughters, though. I can't imagine what that would be like, but maybe it will happen and be nice.

FWIW, one friend advised me to wait until I find out before baby was born, but I thought that sounded like a recipe for PPD. I am glad I have some time with this For a few hours the only boy name I could think of...was Assface. I can laugh about that today, though, so things are looking up.
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Old 09-06-2012, 10:31 AM   #19
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Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

I know how you feel but in reverse. I have two girls and because of my health this is our last child. It's another girl. I wanted a boy so badly I cried when I found out the sex then felt like scum for even being upset at all about a healthy baby. I am coping and happy about the baby and she will be adored but I still harbor a dream in my heart of maybe adopting a little guy in a few years.

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Old 09-06-2012, 10:45 AM   #20
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Re: Coming to grips with never having a daughter:(

I have 3 sons. We will not be having anymore children unless an oops were to happen.

I did have some sadness over never having a daughter, but now I am completely fine with it. I really enjoy being a mom to boys. Plus my boys are very close in age, so if I were to have a girl now, I feel like she would be somewhat of an outsider with her brothers, kwim?

I do think time has really helped with my sadness.
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