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Old 09-07-2012, 11:03 AM   #1
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Is this normal? Starting to get concerned...

I wrote about this before in the blog, but I am still worried. My daughter, while loving tutus and hairbows, etc, still has her days where she insists that she is a boy. She likes wearing her Daddy's ties, but I just kind of shrugged it off as unique fashion sense until she kept saying she is a boy. She is about 4, so I just don't know if this is normal. I think it MIGHT have something to do with wanting to be like her dad. Unfortunately, her speech is kind of limited so I am not really able to converse with her to get to the bottom of it.

We were in her speech appt. today, and they asked her if she was a boy or a girl and she said boy and I was so embarassed. Maybe I overreacting or too sensitive because I try so hard to be a good mom...

I am not judging or anything and if she ends up being transgender or whatever then that is what happens I just...is that what this means?

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Old 09-07-2012, 11:39 AM   #2
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Re: Is this normal? Starting to get concerned...

My 5yo DD was like this for a long time. She wore boy clothes and wanted her hair short. She said she wanted to be a "fixer" (handyman) when she grew up. I was never really concerned about it and just let her express herself, whatever she felt at the time. She even had a Lightning McQueen bed. In the past year or so she has suddenly become more girly, wearing dresses and wanting her hair done. But even if she hadn't I wouldn't have been worried.

I think it is normal to an extent. In the early years kids are just modeling what they see. (Even my boys went through phases were they wanted to wear their sister's shoes and carry around my purse.) If she really looks up to her dad then that is probably why she wants to be like him. It doesn't mean that down the line she is going to be transgender. Sure, it could very well happen, and there is nothing wrong with that. If she does go that route she is very lucky as you seem to be very understanding.

Don't fret mama. Just let her be herself!
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Old 09-07-2012, 11:58 AM   #3
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Re: Is this normal? Starting to get concerned...

I agree. Little kids are just imitating what they see and emulate the people they love. I've known many boys who love pink and girls who play with ugly green dinosaurs. I think it's ok to correct her, in an appropriate way of course (Sweety, your a girl but girls can wear ties too.), I don't think you have anything to worry about.
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Old 09-07-2012, 12:03 PM   #4
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My 6 year old daughter is transgender. She wears boy clothes all the time, has a boy haircut and plays "boys" games.
For a long time she wanted to be called a boys name, but now likes her name.

In your case it may be a phase it may not be. We thought our daughter was going through a phase, but it has been years now. We allow her to express who she is how she wants too. But now at almost 7 she knows she is biologically a girl, but still wants to be a boy. We will continue letting her choose to dress and act how she wants.

Sure in a few years when puberty comes up we may have some issues, or she may decide she isn't transgendered (a lot of studies have show that young kids who act transgendered can outgrow it).

There is nothing wrong with a girl wearing boy clothes, or acting like a boy. When people ask us we tell them she is a girl and they act all strange. I just let it roll off my back. There are worse things.

A psychologist can evaluate your child at any time. I would bring your concerns to your pediatrician. Kids that are trans/gay/bi etc go through a lot of hatred and bullying as they get older and knowing how to deal with that is key.

I love my daughter whether she chooses to be a boy, or a girl. I am her best advocate and the only one who can stand up for her while she is still little.
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Old 09-07-2012, 12:16 PM   #5
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I don't know. DD1, who is 3, spent a whole week not only insisting emphatically she was a boy, but trying to pee standing up.... it was a mess.....

She still occasionally says she's a boy, but it's not consistent.

We just play along and don't argue. Although the peeing was an issue. Since we let her follow us in the bathroom (always have) we just made sure she saw daddy sitting down too (although she has only seen him standing up a handful of times), and she gave that part up.

Last edited by mibarra; 09-07-2012 at 03:37 PM.
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Old 09-07-2012, 12:28 PM   #6
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Re: Is this normal? Starting to get concerned...

I love everything that ktmelody said. Encouraging our children to be themselves, who ever that may be and helping them know that we love them always is the most important thing we can do.
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Old 09-07-2012, 12:40 PM   #7
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There is a girl in my dd's grade that she has been with since k now high school. This girl from k until 8thgrade dressed like a boy, had a haircut like a boy, played almost exclusively with boys, etc. 8th grade came & bam girly girl came out. I actually did a triple take when I saw her because the change was so drastic. She is confident with who she was & is. I'd let her be. She will be what she'll be & you can't really do anything about it.

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Old 09-07-2012, 12:47 PM   #8
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I wanted to add.

There is a misconception about trans kids. Dressing up in a tie and daddy's shoes is just that. Dress up. A little boy wearing fairy wings and a tutu is just dress up.

My daughter doesn't put on a tie of daddy's and clomp around in big brothers shoes, or dress up like super mario. Her daily living is that of a boy. She wears boys shorts, boys shirts, boy underpants. She asked for a buzz cut, she only wanted one ear pierced. When she plays it is with beyblades, pokemon and video games. I let my daughter pick out her own clothes at the store. Last time we went she did pick some girl clothes, but always defaults to her boy stuff. She is trying hard to fit a mold, even though we have no issues at all with how she dresses. She overhears people talking, and is confused about their reactions. I can see it hurts her, but we really just don't care.


You may just be going through a phase, let her play dress up, let her choose how she wants to play and life will go on.
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Old 09-07-2012, 12:58 PM   #9
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Re: Is this normal? Starting to get concerned...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MDever View Post
I love everything that ktmelody said. Encouraging our children to be themselves, who ever that may be and helping them know that we love them always is the most important thing we can do.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ktmelody View Post
I wanted to add.

There is a misconception about trans kids. Dressing up in a tie and daddy's shoes is just that. Dress up. A little boy wearing fairy wings and a tutu is just dress up.

My daughter doesn't put on a tie of daddy's and clomp around in big brothers shoes, or dress up like super mario. Her daily living is that of a boy. She wears boys shorts, boys shirts, boy underpants. She asked for a buzz cut, she only wanted one ear pierced. When she plays it is with beyblades, pokemon and video games. I let my daughter pick out her own clothes at the store. Last time we went she did pick some girl clothes, but always defaults to her boy stuff. She is trying hard to fit a mold, even though we have no issues at all with how she dresses. She overhears people talking, and is confused about their reactions. I can see it hurts her, but we really just don't care.


You may just be going through a phase, let her play dress up, let her choose how she wants to play and life will go on.
And, again.

OP, just let her be her. She is who she is, and you need to let her develop, even if it is just a phase (which would be perfectly normal-- my DD spent a long time waiting for her penis to grow). It's not harming anyone, but messages that something is wrong could harm her.

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Old 09-07-2012, 01:49 PM   #10
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Re: Is this normal? Starting to get concerned...

Thanks Mamas you all made me feel much better! I am sure it will pass, but I was curious if anyone else has had experience with this! Much appreciated!
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