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Old 09-10-2012, 06:07 PM   #1
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Advice needed- MIL

Sorry if this seems kinda random or long but just not sure what to do.

When MIL found out we were expecting #4, she said nothing at least not directly to me or dh. The announcement was made at dd's first birthday party and she did mumble some not so nice things that a good friend and my 11 year old overheard (things like, "are they ****** serious"). It had been three months and other than her calling to wish our oldest two a good first day of school we haven't talked to her. She lives 2 miles away.

Well dd's 12th birthday is this coming weekend and we always do a big family dinner. She wants everyone to come over and watch the Steelers play. I invited our family via text (easiest due to my work schedule and how I typically do these group family invites). MIL accepted and posted these really sappy responses on a few things I posted on Facebook. Basically she has acknowledged this pregnancy or the way she's acting.

Dh just thinks we should leave "the ball in her court" and see what happens. Part of me agrees but part of me wants to confront her. All my kids deserve equal acknowledgement. She made it very clear before we were expecting #3 that she thought we should be done and said she couldn't "handle" us having a fourth.

Thoughts?

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Old 09-10-2012, 06:17 PM   #2
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Re: Advice needed- MIL

I would let it go unless you want to be dealing with WW3 during your pregnancy.
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Old 09-10-2012, 06:23 PM   #3
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I would let it go unless you want to be dealing with WW3 during your pregnancy.
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Old 09-10-2012, 06:28 PM   #4
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Re: Advice needed- MIL

My mil is pretty opinionated and until recently she would just go to my husband about it. I confronted her about it and our relationship has gotten a lot better. I would leave it be for the time being, but I would probably say something about her language around my child.
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Old 09-10-2012, 07:25 PM   #5
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Re: Advice needed- MIL

I'm sure she'll love the baby once he or she is here. I'd go with what your dh says for now. Good luck!
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Old 09-10-2012, 08:15 PM   #6
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Re: Advice needed- MIL

If she's gotten over it and behaves herself from now on, I wouldn't address any past issues. I wouldn't let her get away with it from this point on. If it continues I would have dh tell her her opinions are her own and she's welcome to them, but your family will not tolerate negative comments about anyone in your house, including your coming baby.
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Old 09-10-2012, 09:08 PM   #7
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I'm sure she'll love the baby once he or she is here. I'd go with what your dh says for now. Good luck!
This. If she is mean/dismissive of the actual child, then that needs dealing with. Otherwise she is entitled to her ridiculous opinion and I wouldn't make it an issue.

I had my own mother getting all upset we were planning on having our 3rd before she was done with nursing school, because that's not what she wanted. When I told her I was pregnant in May she didn't say anything at 1st, then said "I'm happy if you're happy". I truly believe she was secretly pleased when I miscarried. We're pregnant again now due in April, and I can still tell she's unhappy because it doesn't fit her plans, but since she's not in charge of our family planning I just ignore her drama mongering passive agressiveness and she stops.
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Old 09-10-2012, 10:15 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mibarra

This. If she is mean/dismissive of the actual child, then that needs dealing with. Otherwise she is entitled to her ridiculous opinion and I wouldn't make it an issue.

I had my own mother getting all upset we were planning on having our 3rd before she was done with nursing school, because that's not what she wanted. When I told her I was pregnant in May she didn't say anything at 1st, then said "I'm happy if you're happy". I truly believe she was secretly pleased when I miscarried. We're pregnant again now due in April, and I can still tell she's unhappy because it doesn't fit her plans, but since she's not in charge of our family planning I just ignore her drama mongering passive agressiveness and she stops.
Wow really?! That's awful.
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Old 09-10-2012, 10:26 PM   #9
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Hugs mama! I'd leave it alone especially this weekend to keep the peace & focus on your daughter & her bday. I can see in your words your aching to say something but really no matter what you say you won't change how she feels. If it continues your DH should talk to her about "the way" she says it & to whom (not in front of your kids not with inappropriate language) try not to let it get to you. My moms mantra was always "kill them with kindness" and honestly doing so always helped never hurt the situation. Here's to hoping for better a happy & healthy 9 months!

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Old 09-11-2012, 09:43 AM   #10
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Re: Advice needed- MIL

DH needs to say something. I wouldn't say anything to my MIL b/c hubby would have already addressed it. My MIL is similar except it is more of "another one???" (we are on our last with #3) DH stands up for his family though. Like my MIL wants to just take the baby only when born and not DS1 and DS2 because "they're too hyper". "Well, it is a packaged deal so either all or none and actually...baby will be nursing so won't be going anywhere for a while" was his exact response.
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