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Old 09-11-2012, 11:27 AM   #1
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Seriously considering PS

I just can't fight with Tharen anymore. I don't know if I can take another day of "I won't do school!" It isn't worth arguing over and I refuse to bribe him to do school work. I would try waiting it out but honestly he would wait forever. A month without school was not long enough for him (it wasn't even really supposed to happen, it was supposed to be 2 weeks but doctors and plumbers made it longer). He never wants to do school work again and that just isn't going to happen. I am well aware that you cannot force a child to learn but I am also not willing to fight with him about it or allow him to play every day for the next 6 months. He just wants to do the opposite of what I want him to do and his defiance has managed to reach a whole new level lately. I am lucky if he is making it in even 1 TKD class a week (we are there 5 days a week). We do Love and Logic and I try to give him plenty of chances to make his own choices but he doesn't care, he still fights. I'm just done! I'm ready to let him go to public school and fight with some one else for a while. Let him see what it is like to sit in a desk for 7 hours and actually have to do real hard work. Then he can come home and tell me that "school is torture". Maybe I will finally have time to work with Kearnan and Kearnan's stress level will drop.

I am not sure what I am looking for here. Maybe I am just venting or maybe I am serious. Tharen has been a lot to take lately and I'm not getting much help. We are getting by on the bare minimum school wise and not even close to what is necessary therapy wise for either of the boys because we just can't get it done, we don't have time. Dh is teaching TKD almost every night of the week (which I love and I am glad we do) but the boys are acting out at class and refusing to participate. I think we have just hit a wall. I just don't know what to do anymore.

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Old 09-11-2012, 12:43 PM   #2
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Re: Seriously considering PS

I'm not sure what to say, but I wanted to offer hugs.

Do you think that if you sent him, he would realize how much better HS'ing is? Or, maybe he would be more willing to learn with someone that isn't you?

I don't have any advice, but I don't think trying out PS would be horrible either. Good luck sorting it out. More
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Old 09-11-2012, 01:04 PM   #3
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Re: Seriously considering PS

Right now he is hit or miss on learning from anyone. I am getting less than 50% compliance on anything I ask him to do, even if it is something I know he wants to do. It isn't entirely his fault, but it is frustrating none the less. We have been through the ringer with doctors and diagnosis and unfortunately there is no immediate fix. I don't know if a different environment would help or hurt. He does not work better for our other two TKD instructors but he also doesn't want to do TKD (some days he says he does others he doesn't). The only people he is willing to work for are his roller derby coaches, he never argues with them, just does what they say.

I guess I don't know if I am considering sending him to PS to get him to realize how good he has it at home or to try to see if he would learn better with some one else. His developmental pediatrician strongly advises keeping him at home but I think part of me also just wants a break and a break for Kearnan who is thoroughly stressed from dealing with his brother all day (his psychologist feels it is a contributing factor in his anxiety). I know Kearnan and I would get a ton more subjects covered each day if I didn't spend a bulk of my day fighting with Tharen. Tharen would get more subjects covered if he weren't fighting with me and actually with some one who made him work. Of course that is an assumption on my part, he may spend 7-8hours fighting with his teacher and getting nothing done. I don't expect my kids to put in 7 hours of learning, we usually can get all subjects covered in 4 or less but lately we are lucky to get LA and math. I guess part of my hope is that he sees just how much work school really is so he would stop complaining about what I am making him do. The year Kearnan stopped working for me I sent him to charter school. It was good and bad. He wound up with anxiety which I regret but he has never argued with me about school work since. He knows he wants to continue homeschooling and is grateful he can.
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Old 09-11-2012, 01:37 PM   #4
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Re: Seriously considering PS

I don't think it would hurt to give it a try. At least you'll know whether it works or not and if it doesn't then you can search for other solutions.
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Old 09-11-2012, 02:22 PM   #5
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I'm not a home schooler but I have a friend that was home schooling her 3 oldest children. By the time her oldest was in 6th grade she'd hit a wall because they were really uncooperative. She decided to put them at our charter school, a 6th grader, 2nd grader, and 1st grader. They all thrived there. So it's worth a try, if he likes it great. If not then maybe he'll be more cooperative for you.
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Old 09-11-2012, 05:34 PM   #6
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Re: Seriously considering PS

Quote:
. Let him see what it is like to sit in a desk for 7 hours and actually have to do real hard work. Then he can come home and tell me that "school is torture".
I realize your mostly venting but...Don't put him back with this idea. Most PS setting are not like this the kids move around have breaks the work is age appropiate not REAL HARD. I LOVE LOVE LOVE HS and there are HUGE advantages but PS isn't necessarly some evil horrendous building full of torture..
You might find that a brick and motar school is exactly what you need and he may thrive their or like the PP said he might decide no home really was cool and coperate more.
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Old 09-11-2012, 05:58 PM   #7
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Re: Seriously considering PS

Are you in a position to hire some kind of tutor for him for periods of the day ? It would at least allow you do work with Kearnen in peace for a time.

Or try the PS option. It's entirely possible that you and Tharen are just butting heads and you'll end up with a much more amicable relationship if you aren't mom and teacher for this time in his life.

Is your school really 7hrs long? My dd is in Gr3 and is only in school from 9-3 and an hour of that is lunch/recess.
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Old 09-11-2012, 06:25 PM   #8
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Re: Seriously considering PS

It sounds like he would really benefit from being under someone else's direction... as he is hsing with you, tkd with dad, and butting heads with both. IDK if I would put him in ps in your situation, but would definitely get him into some classes where he is taking direction from someone else. I might put him in another instructor's tkd class, maybe another active class if you think that would benefit him, maybe a hs co-op enrichment class, maybe take a couple days for a mini vacation and/or look into a different curriculum. After tweeking those things I would probably consider ps if things didn't get better. Sorry you're having a rough time
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Old 09-11-2012, 06:36 PM   #9
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Re: Seriously considering PS

when my DD was in PS her days were from 7:50-2:45.. but that included a moring recess, lunch, and afternoon recess, center time and kinda circle time. I saw her class in action on several occasions and trust me there was little sitting and doing hard work. they had reding time where they could spread out on bean bags and blankets a center time where they were up and moving around the classroom, instruction that including sending kids in teams to the boards to answer questions, an expected degree of at seat wiggles, PE, an afternoon snack 2 scheduled group bathroom breaks.

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Old 09-11-2012, 09:04 PM   #10
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Re: Seriously considering PS

School here is from 8-3 with 30minutes of lunch and 30minutes of recess. They have specials in there somewhere but depending on the school 7hours is roughly what he would be looking at. Tharen has ADHD and Mood Disorder NOS so he really can't help needing to move constantly and being defiant but that doesn't make it any easier to work with, it also isn't going to make it easy for him to function in a school setting. We actually try to avoid dh instructing him at TKD, it doesn't help. None of the other instructors are getting a better response from him. He has two coaches at roller derby who can get him to do anything they want but the deal with roller derby is that it is something he wants to do more than anything else in the world and his coaches present it as "look at this cool thing I'm showing you". One of the female derby players tried to take over and he told her "no thanks I don't want to do that" and went back to skating in circles instead. She took it in stride but I am at a loss to explain why just these two guys can handle him and no one else can.

I am venting a bit but I am also trying to figure out what my next step is because I feel like I have hit a wall with him. He desperately wants to stay home, he can't think of anything worse than being away for most of the day and having to give up zoo trips, home school science at LLELA, night roller derby, and just time with his brother but I don't know what else to do. We don't have the option of hiring a tutor or homeschool co-op because I don't drive. We can't get him in any other classes for similar reasons (no way to get there). We are essentially married to TKD because dh is a partner so even having time for roller derby is tight. We need to make time for therapy for both of the boys. I don't want to put him in PS but part of me does just to end the fighting. I don't think he will thrive there. I think he will be miserable because 2-3 hours of work is "torture" to him. I know the local PS expects far more than that and even the charter schools that allow multiple recesses and PE every day are going to expect more than he has to give. His developmental pedi advised strongly against putting him in PS but I don't know what else to do. I am going to contact his doctor about adjusting his meds and I am changing up his curric but I just don't know if it will help.
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