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Old 09-11-2012, 09:22 PM   #11
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Re: Seriously considering PS

It sounds like for this season, your family "might* benefit from letting him go. It doesn't have to be forever

It may be that he hates it and begs to come home.
It may be that he loves it and thrives.
You guys won't know unless you try.


It could be too that you may need to consider using what he loves most in the world as motivation to get his schooling done?

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Old 09-11-2012, 09:32 PM   #12
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Re: Seriously considering PS

Have you considered unschooling? Isnt there an instructional technique called "strewing"? I'll try to find some links and edit this post.

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http://sandradodd.com/strew/how
http://sandradodd.com/strewing
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Old 09-11-2012, 10:00 PM   #13
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Re: Seriously considering PS

He is far better behaved on derby days. I wish every day was derby day. I don't want to take derby away though because if he doesn't get that energy out I can count on suffering through worse behavior the next day. Usually Thursday and Friday are good days because he goes to derby on Thursday. If there was just some way to get in more derby. I'm considering buying cheap skates he can use to skate up and down the street or at the park just to see if it would help some. I know he has to get this excess energy out but we have a swing set in the back yard and he runs around out there a good bit. I don't know if it is the focus of practice that does it or just the skating itself.

Unschooling would be a huge change for me but it might be just what we need to keep him home. His doctor said that if he was unwilling to work for a day I could just let him have the day off. That is hard for me to handle, I worry about his education. I also worry that he will never actually come back to working (he's been off for a month already). He is very intelligent and at this point he is already a year ahead of his peers so it wouldn't be a big deal to let him slack off a bit, but I don't want to fail him either. I want to keep him interested because he has an ability to devour knowledge when he is excited about something. Getting him excited is tricky though.
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Old 09-11-2012, 10:10 PM   #14
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Re: Seriously considering PS

what about a homeschool coop? My friend in fort worth just joined and has her two kids in it! Or a homeschool enrichment program? Im not sure what if any your religious preferences are but it might help give a little more structure. I know of a few in the DFW area if your are interested.

You have gotten much further than i ever could. I do not have the patience and structure and self discipline to be able to even do preschool.
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Old 09-12-2012, 01:51 AM   #15
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Re: Seriously considering PS

Ok...maybe PS will work...maybe not...it's a gamble. You have to think of the problems you are exchanging if you sent him to PS. Getting him up early to get to school and dealing with homework after the long day...yikes! Those are the things I think about when I just can't handle Reid's defiance anymore...he seriously sounds just like Reid! Maybe I need to take him to the doc, man he just digs his heels in on some stuff...drives me nuts!

Maybe a change in homeschooling style will help...perhaps unschooling...I know it's hard to let go of what we think school is and trust our kids will pick up stuff. You may just have think of unconventional ways of getting information into his brain. Best of luck, Shannon!
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Old 09-12-2012, 08:29 AM   #16
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Re: Seriously considering PS

I'm reading a book right now called "The Heart of Anger," it is Christian based book but I think there are benefits for people in all walks of life and religions. It's really made me evaluate some things I may be doing to contribute to my children's frustration. Its reminds me very much of a different book I read called "The Connected Child." "The Connected Child" is actually written for adoptive families but the tools are great to use on any kid....I can't recommend it enough. The main focus of both books is not only correcting the unwanted behavior but having them "practice" the correct behavior. We have found this to be especially helpful. Just last night we were practicing the difference between the right and wrong way to interrupt an adult. DS1 thinks it's so silly when we do it wrong and he belly laughs but he totally remembers it and tries to do it the right way. For us, practicing when they aren't having a melt down is so important. We try to keep it light hearted. Yesterday we also had to practice the right and wrong way to sit on the couch and DS1 didn't want to practice so he lost couch privilegedes until he was able to practice the correct way. I read the Connected Child many years ago and we've kind of adapted it to work for us. I've tried Love and Logic stuff in the past with my oldest and it didn't work well for him...he's more than likely ADHD (according to our pedi). Maybe a new approach to discipline will help?
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Old 09-12-2012, 12:08 PM   #17
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Sorry to hear you are in a frustrating time. I was anti public school but 'needed' it for four months in vpk. I homeschooled the next year, but honestly, I found the school experience to be great. It was a wonderful time and experience. It gave me good ideas on teaching and schedules. It did a lot for my dd as well. The structure was nice. If he goes you can always pull him out if it's bad but it may be just fine. It seems to be on your heart so maybe your mama instincts are telling you what will work right now during this season. Can you visit the school for a day while kids are in class. That may help you decide as well. Good luck!! The reason this time is tough is because you care so much about your kids and that makes you a wonderful mom. Because of that, I know it'll all work out and you'll find what works for all of you.
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Old 09-12-2012, 12:14 PM   #18
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Re: Seriously considering PS

Unfortunately I don't think a co-op is an option for us as I don't have a car to use during the day. For school we were going to have to figure out busing or use the elementary or charter school at the end of the street like I did when Kearnan went for a year (I was still driving then but we walked most days). It isn't ideal but we can make it work.

Jackie, these are the concerns I have as well. He is hard to get ready to go anywhere and I hate giving up freedom and control on a personal level but it isn't about me, it is about him. I don't want this to be a punitive thing so I'm trying to think it through. Would I being sending him to PS as a punishment for misbehavior or because we just can't work together? Do I actually believe someone else can work with him or do I just want a break? Is my needing a break a good enough reason to send him away when his doctor says it is a bad idea? Will his behavior get worse or better or will we just have more things to fight over? It is a lot to think about and dh and I have been discussing it but he doesn't have any more ideas than I do. His best suggestion was to talk to the doctor about changing meds or upping the dosage (not ADHD meds, mood stabilizers because he is bipolar like I am). It is possible that if we found the correct medication and exercise regimen he would be easier to handle. Luckily the weather will be better soon, if only the mosquitoes would die off (we are suffering with West Nile here). So there should be more trips out on scooters and to the playground very soon. My mother is also giving us an exercise trampoline for the playroom so he can bounce his energy away.

We really just got started with Love and Logic and it is helping but it is an up hill battle. I have always been AP and tried for natural consequences but I will admit I am a bit rigid and controlling when it comes to discipline. I have high expectations and I set firm limits. I also tend to be a helicopter parent because Kearnan is ASD. It just happened pretty naturally and it was never a problem with him. It is a problem with Tharen and I need to back off. The Love and Logic is working if I can apply it (and get Dh to apply it) but breaking old habits is hard. I think all of it is compounded by having two kids with special needs, they just need a bit more time. We are also using The Social Skills Picture Book which sounds similar to what you are describing. I bought it on recommendation from Kearnan's psychologist to help him learn how to behave in social situations (I have both the regular one and the teens one). He is social but not always appropriate, he's a space invader and will talk forever about things you aren't interested in. At first I was just using Tharen as an extra in the scenarios but soon I realized that he needed some help with his social skills too. So we try to work on them once a week at least. It is fun for everyone to read the book and then try to act out the right and wrong way to interact.

Today was slightly better school wise. He did whine once that he "wished there was no such thing as school" but then he remembered we were going to use unifix cubes for math and didn't complain again. We worked on skip counting, adding groups, multiplication, finding missing addends and adding three addends. Then he built arches with the unifix cubes and I told him about Keystones. He was so interested we looked it up and he learned a little about architecture. After that he did his reading, grammar and spelling without complaint and in a timely manner. We will see how tomorrow goes but since it is derby day I am optimistic.
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Old 09-12-2012, 12:32 PM   #19
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Re: Seriously considering PS

From your last few posts I don't think it sounds like PS is the best thing for him. Since he is a year ahead of his peers it wouldn't hurt to let him take a break imo. Maybe work with him on Thursdays and Fridays for now and let him follow his interests Mon Tues Wed, at least until both of your stress levels are lower and you feel like you can try again without butting heads. I agree with ppers, look into unschooling. We don't do it as I am a worrier about my kids education as well, but I do think it's right for some families, and it might be perfect for him for now.
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Old 09-12-2012, 12:45 PM   #20
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Re: Seriously considering PS

Shannon I haven't read through the entire thread yet but I wanted to offer support. What you are dealing with and the HUGE commitment it takes to homeschool a special needs child is an enormous undertaking. I live it every day myself. In my past life I was an IEP advocate and worked in a self contained classroom for children with "emotional disturbance". Who knew one day I would be practicing those skills in my home life. My word is it a million times harder when it is your own child 24/7. I was curious if you are aware of any non-public day placements local to you? You could perhaps force the school system to pay for one of those. Federal law promises him a public education at no cost in the least restrictive environment. Here in Maryland there are a number of options for day schools run by mental health hospitals or centers. They would be designed and far more equiped to help him in a theraputic setting. We have considered this option for our son. I am still trying to find out if there is a way to get around their intake because they require a refferal from ps. Our son has severe anxiety and sending him to a ps setting would likely cause a crisis situation. We are afraid he would end up hospitalized before we got an IEP and then a refferal. I just wanted to offer some friendly support, please pm anytime.
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