Let me encourage you- I have 10 between 2&13

[katengrace]

I love this post! I had 4 in a little over 5 years, and I'll admit that sometimes it gets crazy around here. My oldest 2 are getting to the point where they are extremely helpful. Maybe I should show dh this thread to convince home that it will get easier if we have more!

[erlyjo]

Where have I gone wrong? Mine are 9, 7, 2, and a newbie, but my house is a wreck, we haven't had a home cooked meal in a month, laundry is never put away, my garden is dead, and school is impossible because my kids refuse to cooperate. How do I get my big kids to help out more? All they do is complain or ignore when I ask for help. I have failed miserably.

[MyGlorylife]

Originally Posted by erlyjo Where have I gone wrong? Mine are 9, 7, 2, and a newbie, but my house is a wreck, we haven't had a home cooked meal in a month, laundry is never put away, my garden is dead, and school is impossible because my kids refuse to cooperate. How do I get my big kids to help out more? All they do is complain or ignore when I ask for help. I have failed miserably.

I am so sorry you are so stressed out. BIG HUGS!!!! I am not sure what kind of discipline you have in your home but it sounds like maybe you need an overhaul. For us we have noticed that most things come down to one main issue such as: if the child is not putting away stuff, not doing chores diligently, not completeing a task the problem isn;t 3 separate things its one: laziness.

Maybe spend some time thinking about each child individually and as a whole and find the heart of the issue.
Then as a team you and your hubby need to decide what the appropriate discipline is.
Also look at outside influences. Are your children watching shows that the kids on those movies are displaying the very behavior you do not want?

Beyond that be very direct with your children as far as what is expected on a whole and each day. You may need to pause school for a month and just work on character and getting your house in order. (your children will not suffer from lack of school for a time-trust me)

I won't lie to you, overhauling your home is tedious and emotional. It will seem like every minute of everyday is a fight and then all of a sudden when the children realize that you mean business they surrender.

if your child can listen on "3" they can listen on "1". Expect immediate obedience (especially from the older ones).

A game plan is everything so you and your hubby really need to decide what is acceptable for your houshold and what is not and keep the big picture in mind- how do you want your children 5 yrs from now because what you sow currently is what you will reap then. Once you have it down then you two as a unit move forward.

[erlyjo]

Originally Posted by MyGlorylife I am so sorry you are so stressed out. BIG HUGS!!!! I am not sure what kind of discipline you have in your home but it sounds like maybe you need an overhaul. For us we have noticed that most things come down to one main issue such as: if the child is not putting away stuff, not doing chores diligently, not completeing a task the problem isn;t 3 separate things its one: laziness. Maybe spend some time thinking about each child individually and as a whole and find the heart of the issue. Then as a team you and your hubby need to decide what the appropriate discipline is. Also look at outside influences. Are your children watching shows that the kids on those movies are displaying the very behavior you do not want? Beyond that be very direct with your children as far as what is expected on a whole and each day. You may need to pause school for a month and just work on character and getting your house in order. (your children will not suffer from lack of school for a time-trust me) I won't lie to you, overhauling your home is tedious and emotional. It will seem like every minute of everyday is a fight and then all of a sudden when the children realize that you mean business they surrender. if your child can listen on "3" they can listen on "1". Expect immediate obedience (especially from the older ones). A game plan is everything so you and your hubby really need to decide what is acceptable for your houshold and what is not and keep the big picture in mind- how do you want your children 5 yrs from now because what you sow currently is what you will reap then. Once you have it down then you two as a unit move forward.

Yes, I know we need to do something different, but I don't know what. First off, we do not watch TV, and any movies they watch have to be approved by me, so that's not the issue.

I think I need new discipline ideas. Time out doesn't work, grounding hasn't seemed to have any effect, and taking things away doesn't work either. I don't know what else to try!

I firmly believe the root of the problem lies in the fact that my older kids were basically raised by their grandparents for 5 years while I finished college and then tried working (I quit when I realized how incredibly negatively it was affecting my kids). My FIL would basically do anything for them that they complained about. So, now I have kids who think that they don't have to try hard to do anything in life. My oldest still can't even tie her own shoes! I have tried to teach her, but it is so stressful it literally leaves me ill.

What other kinds of discipline might I try?

And please don't get me wrong. They are wonderful sweet children and can be helpful at times, just not on a regular basis!

[TexasHeatherLynn]

That is a wonderfully encouraging post! I have always dreamed of having a big family. Some consider mine large, and I laugh. People often commented on how "hard" my life must be when I had three under three, but really, having three teenagers stresses me out more.

I am excited in our journey to add to our family.