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Old 08-23-2012, 03:13 PM   #1
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Feeling guilty for wanting a third

I've already got two kiddos, one 4 yo DS, and a 16mo DD. Life has been very stressful for the last year and I'm feeling ambivalent about wanting a third kiddo. On one hand I really long for another child. I love both my kids and feel so blessed to see them grow and get to know them, and I just yearn after another child. Kind of like a "wow if two are this amazing, what would a third be like?" I feel like my heart expanded to love each child, rather than having to divide up a fixed amount. It just doubled in size, like the Grinch. ;-)

Then on the other hand, life is CRAZY right now, and I don't see things changing. My oldest has special needs and behavioral challenges. My husband is gone all.the.time working. He runs a professional audio support company (AKA - the dude running the sound board) and so far in August I've seen him for 2 days. TWO. The other days he leaves before we wake up and comes home between 10pm-3am. Things slow down until November but then it's like that again. On top of all that I am struggling (but winning!) with a mood disorder that has me mostly feeling like a crazy horrible person. I'm a good mom, I know that. I just FEEL horrible all the time bc of the symptoms (can't decide if it's bipolar or PTSD or both) and those are aggravated by stress. I have extremes of feeling so "low" and in pain that it feels like a legitimate victory to finish dishes (like today), and days of such high "highs" that I can't shut my mind off and I have arguments in my head with other people. Real people, like I'm
Rehearsing what I'd say in an argument with them. Not like hallucinating. Lol.

I know right now the stress of this season increases my symptoms and eventually we'll have the kids a little older and life will settle. But for now I just feel sorry for them for having me as a mom, and it seems selfish to want to bring another child into it.

Added to that, we don't use birth control. My husband hates condoms, I have moral opposition to using anything that would stop implantation, and my cycle is hard to chart bc I have thyroid issues that make my temps and cervical mucous hard to read. Right now abstinence is working! Ha! We're doing marriage counseling and are on a 90 day "fast" from sex bc hubby is struggling with sexual addiction and I don't want to have sex anyway. :-p

*phew*

There ya go. Someone pat me on the head and tell me to go fold laundry.

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Old 08-23-2012, 06:50 PM   #2
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Re: Feeling guilty for wanting a third

mama. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I think we all feel like we're not as good of a mom as we could be, but we do the best we can! For the record, I usually consider finishing the dishes to be a victory
Hope you can find your peace either way
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Old 08-23-2012, 07:56 PM   #3
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I think that emptying half of the dishwasher is a victory
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Old 08-24-2012, 07:21 PM   #4
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Re: Feeling guilty for wanting a third

I wish you the best of luck, either way.
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Old 09-03-2012, 09:12 AM   #5
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I feel like i could have written this! My 4yo has SN and that alone makes me feel guilty for having a third. I struggle with anxiety and depression now, but didn't before baby #3 was born... So of course i feel guilty. I can just totally relate all around. hubby and i are struggling right now, he wants a forth and i feel too crazy to have another. He won't agree to counseling though. I told him and myself that until we can sort out our issues as a couple, i can't have more babies. A happy marriage needs to be at the center and everything else just all kinda falls into place.
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Old 09-03-2012, 06:30 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamashhon
I feel like i could have written this! My 4yo has SN and that alone makes me feel guilty for having a third. I struggle with anxiety and depression now, but didn't before baby #3 was born... So of course i feel guilty. I can just totally relate all around. hubby and i are struggling right now, he wants a forth and i feel too crazy to have another. He won't agree to counseling though. I told him and myself that until we can sort out our issues as a couple, i can't have more babies. A happy marriage needs to be at the center and everything else just all kinda falls into place.
((hugs))
Hope things smooth out soon. :-)
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Old 09-13-2012, 02:26 PM   #7
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Re: Feeling guilty for wanting a third

it's true - kids learn by example. you want your kids to be as high functioning as pssible as adults, right? so if i were you, i'd wait and figure my own life and issues out first. but i'm sure you are a great mom, so it will work either way. you don't want to add to your anxiet though. depression/anxiety can creep up and surprise you and baby #3 might do it even uf you don't expect it. can you use pulling out as birth control? it would be better than nothing
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