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Old 09-13-2012, 03:10 PM   #11
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Re: Excited about new baby

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It's great that you give the benefit of the doubt, but I think there are other ways to say things, such as "we would not do anything about it in any case" and "we would keep the baby no matter what." The list goes on and on. I think we would not "kill our baby" makes a very specific point .

I don't care about anyone else's personal beliefs nor do I want to impose mine on others. It was a simple question: what screening/testing will you get done? It was totally unnecessary and it only the second response!

I think better just to delete the thread, but I don't know how?
I've been through losses, and I didn't get upset by her statement. She said what she meant/felt, nothing wrong with that.

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You can't delete it. And putting delete in the title is going to make it the most viewed post in the forum. See? I'm ddc crashing. Change the title to something boring.


AFM: Cuz I'm nosey and read down to figure out what the heck this thread was to begin with!
Even after losing Elli, even if I was able to get myself in to the Dr, I wouldn't be doing anything more, testing wise, than we had done with our previous pregnancies. We wait until the 20wk u/s and go from there.
For the first 4 it meant carrying on as normal and dealing with the few unique things that came up with each one - no big deal.
With Elli, it meant going to the city for more u/s and doing bloodwork on DH and myself, as well as an amnio. We did not abort her and were agreed to let her live as long as she could. Once she had died, we had peace (of a sort anyways) to have the induction for her birth.

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Old 09-14-2012, 07:58 AM   #12
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Re: Excited about new baby

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With Elli, it meant going to the city for more u/s and doing bloodwork on DH and myself, as well as an amnio. We did not abort her and were agreed to let her live as long as she could. Once she had died, we had peace (of a sort anyways) to have the induction for her birth.
Canadianbaker, I have no problem with people saying how they feel on a topic, but abortion/killing babies was NOT the actual topic. It was a self-righteous comment that was not on topic; that's what bothers me.
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Old 09-14-2012, 08:56 AM   #13
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Re: Excited about new baby

I understand that you feel that way, and I can see your point of view. However, I don't think that it was not the actual topic - to some people, obviously to that poster and others I am sure, the reason they choose not to do any testing is because they wouldn't choose to do anything other than carry baby for as long as they can. This is what she was saying.

I'm not saying I don't understand your feelings, I do. But I also understand her point of view as well.
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Old 09-14-2012, 11:27 AM   #14
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I understand that you feel that way, and I can see your point of view. However, I don't think that it was not the actual topic - to some people, obviously to that poster and others I am sure, the reason they choose not to do any testing is because they wouldn't choose to do anything other than carry baby for as long as they can. This is what she was saying.

I'm not saying I don't understand your feelings, I do. But I also understand her point of view as well.
Yes, exactly. Thank you. People get offended so easily around here for nothing! I certainly meant no offense to the statement. Since the only choice one can make is to carry the baby or abort ( if you prefer that term) then I don't understand how that wasn't the topic at hand. I did not offer my opinion on your choices or situation, I offered my opinion on my situation. I don't see any point for me, no matter how high risk, to do testing because nothing could be done except stress and worry, or kill my baby. I'm sorry if you don't like that term, but I would consider it killing my child so I personally wouldn't do it. Therefore, we don't do testing.
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Old 09-14-2012, 11:43 AM   #15
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Re: Excited about new baby

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Yes, exactly. Thank you. People get offended so easily around here for nothing! I certainly meant no offense to the statement. Since the only choice one can make is to carry the baby or abort ( if you prefer that term) then I don't understand how that wasn't the topic at hand. I did not offer my opinion on your choices or situation, I offered my opinion on my situation. I don't see any point for me, no matter how high risk, to do testing because nothing could be done except stress and worry, or kill my baby. I'm sorry if you don't like that term, but I would consider it killing my child so I personally wouldn't do it. Therefore, we don't do testing.
No worries here! I totally got what you were saying, and I wasn't offended by it at all.
I am sorry that she was, but I also am not sure how it was not "on topic" to the original question. Ah well, such is the world of foruming!
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Old 09-14-2012, 11:45 AM   #16
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Re: Excited about new baby

Again, really, no offense was meant on YOUR choices or situation. I was simply responding to the post. Perhaps if you didn't want a response and just a limited option selection, a poll would have been more clear? When I see discussions like this, I figure people talk about why they chose xyz option vs not choosing it, etc.

Some people, even if they aren't planning to abort their baby, may want to prepare themselves for what's to come. I personally would stress and worry non stop about it and be completely depressed, so I'd rather not know if the outcome was going to be bad (as in naturally fatal).
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Old 09-14-2012, 12:50 PM   #17
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Re: Excited about new baby

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Again, really, no offense was meant on YOUR choices or situation.
Please don't assume. I've never chosen to abort my baby, nor would I. This baby is very much wanted. I'm not going to argue with you. It's pointless.

As long as you feel better about yourself for posting your thoughts on killing babies, then I guess your purpose here has been served.

I'm done. Thanks.

Last edited by Lilybug1; 09-14-2012 at 12:54 PM.
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Old 09-14-2012, 03:25 PM   #18
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Re: Excited about new baby

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Again, really, no offense was meant on YOUR choices or situation. I was simply responding to the post. Perhaps if you didn't want a response and just a limited option selection, a poll would have been more clear? When I see discussions like this, I figure people talk about why they chose xyz option vs not choosing it, etc.
Exactly. An open question like that does make one assume it's meant to open a discussion, not just a "yes or no" answer.

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Please don't assume. I've never chosen to abort my baby, nor would I. This baby is very much wanted. I'm not going to argue with you. It's pointless.

As long as you feel better about yourself for posting your thoughts on killing babies, then I guess your purpose here has been served.

I'm done. Thanks.
I don't think that's what she was assuming at all. She was voicing her own opinion about her own choices. That is what you asked, that is what she answered.

Whoa to the bolded. Yikes, mama.
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Old 09-14-2012, 05:08 PM   #19
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Re: Excited about new baby

I'm really sorry that you are, for some reason, so sensitive about your decisions. Because I most certainly did not in ANY way critique or pass judgement on your decisions. I really could not care less what others choose to do, I'm honestly pretty open minded about that. I am, however, VERY strong in my personal beliefs regarding my personal decisions. So when you posted asking what testing people do, I figured it naturally led to why people do that testing or not since it was an open ended question. I did not make ANY assumptions as to what you were going to do with YOUR baby. What I said, (and I think I've been quite clear about this) is what testing we do and WHY we don't do it. That has nothing to do with what you do with your baby and what you decide is best for your family.
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Old 09-14-2012, 05:31 PM   #20
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Yes, exactly. Thank you. People get offended so easily around here for nothing! I certainly meant no offense to the statement. Since the only choice one can make is to carry the baby or abort ( if you prefer that term) then I don't understand how that wasn't the topic at hand. I did not offer my opinion on your choices or situation, I offered my opinion on my situation. I don't see any point for me, no matter how high risk, to do testing because nothing could be done except stress and worry, or kill my baby. I'm sorry if you don't like that term, but I would consider it killing my child so I personally wouldn't do it. Therefore, we don't do testing.
Actually, just to play devil's advocate and because I apparently missed this drama til now (), knowing ahead of time CAN have other benefits. Such as arranging to have a birth at a hospital equipped to deal with the particular needs of the baby, setting up appts with specialists in advance (it can take 6 mos to a year to get in some places), arranging for surgery immediately following delivery for anything that needs to be dealt with, having special feeding systems in place, and preparing yourself emotionally and financially to raise a child with either medical or special needs.

We did decline screening, because we are very low risk for anything that would show up. However I do worry because I was born with a heart defect. It was not structural, so is undetectable by the screening. My parents didn't know anything was wrong until my mom went in to labor and my heartbeat was abnormal. She almost had to have a C-section. They whisked me away immediately to a NICU in ANOTHER CITY. She didn't even see me for the 1st 3 days because she was still in the other hospital. Now, in this case it was undetectable, but if it HAD been detectable she could have arranged to have me in a hospital with a NICU, and it would have been less stressful for her.

Just food for thought.
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