Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-14-2012, 11:56 AM   #31
nw2bargaining
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 332
My Mood:
Re: how do you protect your kids from molestation?

Quote:
Originally Posted by wolffie View Post
I'm honestly surprised by all the responses about the PT never being allowed alone with the child. I work in a school and our school personnel are often alone with students. It may be the speech therapist, the social worker, PT, OT, a teacher after school or at lunch for a detention, the custodian who is in the hall alone with the child when a lock needs to be cut off a locker b/c the student forgot his or her combination, the principal, the librarian if you child goes to check out a book and no one else is there. I think it's unrealistic to think that your child will never be alone with someone at school.

I know you said it's more likely that a male be a predator than a female but it's also more likely that someone you know personally be a predator than a school professional. The best thing you can do to help protect your child is to talk about good touch bad touch and what to do if they ever feel uncomfortable. It's also important to have the conversation often. If you are uncomfortable with your child being serviced at school maybe you could look into private services that would be provided in your home.
I agree with this 100%. The best thing a parent can do is talk to their child about everything. If a parent does this early enough, the parent will be influence and the parent will set the stage for a child that is aware of inappropriate behavior and how to seek help

Advertisement

nw2bargaining is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2012, 12:33 PM   #32
Mama*Kim's Avatar
Mama*Kim
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 6,301
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by myoo
Threads like this always make me sick to my stomach when I think about my son and that someday when he's grown people will automatically look at him and think "potential child molestor" and not want their children to ever be alone with him. What a sick society we live in when men are automatically villainized just because they are male.

OP, this isn't a bash on you or anything. I just think it's sad that society in general has come to the point where people feel automatic distrust toward men.
As a mom of two boys, I have to agree.
__________________
Hi! I'm Shannon Wife to J
Mama to a couple of crazy boys - L (12/07) and E (2/11)
and Meatball coming 4/14
Mama*Kim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2012, 01:23 PM   #33
bluedaisyma's Avatar
bluedaisyma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 8,721
Re: how do you protect your kids from molestation?

I give my kids the "good touch/bad touch and secrets" talk early and often. And I reiterate that it can happen from anyone, not merely a stranger.

As for the people feeling like it is bashing men, although I do agree that it's sad (and I have 6 sons and don't want them "judged" based on their sex), I do see how it happens and why. My DH is actually WAY more suspicious than I am. He doesn't tend to see good motives in men who work with children, etc. I don't agree with him, though.
__________________
Jul, This used to be a great place
bluedaisyma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2012, 02:02 PM   #34
jamie714's Avatar
jamie714
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 1,214
I have not watched them yet but a friend recommended the videos called "the safe side" to teach good and bad touch and stranger danger in a fun non threatening way. She said it also addresses the issue of family or friends and bad touch not just strangers. I have been meaning to get the videos for my 3 year old. She said her kids enjoyed watching them and learned a lot.
jamie714 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2012, 02:33 PM   #35
HeatherlovesCDs
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 10,081
My Mood:
Re: how do you protect your kids from molestation?

Quote:
Originally Posted by myoo View Post
Threads like this always make me sick to my stomach when I think about my son and that someday when he's grown people will automatically look at him and think "potential child molestor" and not want their children to ever be alone with him. What a sick society we live in when men are automatically villainized just because they are male.

OP, this isn't a bash on you or anything. I just think it's sad that society in general has come to the point where people feel automatic distrust toward men.
I'm the mom of 4, soon to be 5 boys and only 1 girl. It's extremely sad to me. But, that doesn't change the statistics.

And, I worry about my boys being victimized just as much as I do my girl...almost more because I know the stats of boys who are victims becoming perpetrators themselves.

It is very sad, but it is reality.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pumkinsmommy View Post
I understand completely where you are coming from. I have been there unfortunately and am the same way. I don't think your fears are irrational. The rate of abuse is mind boggling. I teach my daughter and have some very good books to help. The best one right now is: Those Are MY Private Parts, got it on amazon. I also know that once the horse is out of the barn, there's no going back. You are so correct to mention other children. An important thing to remember is the balance of power. A 7 year old would have a very hard time not being manipulated by an 11 year old for example. Those 2 are not ages to be playmates without being closely supervised. Also you are correct in that men and boys are much more likely to offend. The pp who said otherwise is wrong. In fact boys are much more likely to experiment sexually with each other than girls.
Thanks! And, thanks for reminding me that my fears are not irrational. They are real and not without cause. Though, I will admit, some of mine are a bit irrational because of who they are connected to. (Or, I should say, I HOPE they are!!) Absolutely right about other children. Unfortunately, it is super common for children who are abused to imitate the behavior and for boys to experiment. Sad, but true.
__________________
Heather SAHM to 6 who are 7 and under, including 2 sets of twins and our last little miracle, a surviving identical twin, born Oct 2012!
HeatherlovesCDs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2012, 02:35 PM   #36
Terra
Drinks her not-just-a-smoothie pina coladas in ALL CAPS in front of her preschoolers before she takes her CDs and goes home.
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 12,253
My Mood:
Re: how do you protect your kids from molestation?

Quote:
Originally Posted by newmommy13 View Post
Thats the thing! Special needs kiddos are so much more likely to be abused.

thanks everyone for your perspectives. it is probably an overdue conversation but i really never thought she was at risk, outside of occasional alone time with therapists she is only ever alone with me, my husband, and my parents.

this is what i did...first i asked her what the difference between a good touch and a bad touch, then told her that no one should be touching her on the areas her swim suit covers. then to make sure she understood i asked her what areas are covered by a swim suit. she said all of the private areas but also arms because she has had several rash guard 2 piece suits. see, confusing right? i told her that no one should ever tell her to keep a secret from me and that she can tell me anything. if someone is touching her in a bad way she should tell them no as loud as she can and tell me.

terra i'm so sorry you were hurt. its so sad that this happens at all. i guess i wanted to keep dd ignorant of the bad things out there but i know that can do more harm than good.

to the pp whos dh is a therapist...i know this is unfair to him, and this line of thinking could cause someone to have a false sense of security that a woman couldn't hurt a child. i know its not impossible for a woman to abuse a child but i really did think that men are more likely to be sexually abusive. in any case, this poor man is probably a great therapist and i have nothing to worry about, but this conversation needed to happen and i guess this is what i needed to kick my butt into talking about it.
It really does suck so bad that we and our children have to worry about such things. It scares the poop out of me!! It's really one reason I'm more of a 'helicopter' parent for sure and why I like working at the schools where my boys go! Thank you! Thankfully it was one time and he was put in jail.
__________________
Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side!
Terra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2012, 08:38 PM   #37
MommyLyssa's Avatar
MommyLyssa
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Mass
Posts: 4,993
My Mood:
Re: how do you protect your kids from molestation?

honestly, so far my children have been with no one but VERY trusted family. Granted, this is easier for us because we homeschool, and when we hang out with family/friends, we are all together.

I might over react, but I know that I was molested as achild, but my memory has completely blocked out who, although, most things lead to a certain family member, including anxiety around this person) but because I cannot be sure, I pretty much limit it to my IL's (only MIL and FIL), and my two sets of parents. That's it. Oh, and one incredibly close friend.
MommyLyssa is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2012, 08:40 AM   #38
smblake's Avatar
smblake
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Mountain West
Posts: 6,153
My Mood:
I think its fair for parents to not want their child alone with an adult, if that means them being there to be that second adult, they should be authorized to do so.

I also was a victim of child molestation, from a family member (not my father), and I have more reservations about who on a family level and close friends that watch my children than I do with who they have and will intetact with at school.

I am just as worried for my sons as I am my daughter. I feel a heavy responsibilty to keep them safe. My parents nevet knew anything was happening and I wad scaref to tell because it was a family member.
__________________
Melissa
Wife
Mama to 4 kiddos
5 angels in my heart always
smblake is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2012, 09:38 AM   #39
dani_p's Avatar
dani_p
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Worcester, MA
Posts: 327
Re: how do you protect your kids from molestation?

This is always such a touchy subject isn't it?

I too am surprised that the OP is nervous about a man she's never even met and a school professional at that. The notion that men should NEVER EVER be alone with children is a bit silly. Yes, I realize that they are 100 times more likely to be a sexual predator than a woman is... but 100 times 0.0001 is still less than 1%. That means that more than 99% of men are well meaning, normal guys who are vilified because of their sex. If I ran around suggesting that black people probably were criminals and middle easterners were all suicide bombers, I would be a terrible person. I don't understand why this is any different... yet it is widely accepted as normal behavior to discriminate against men in regards to children. Virgin Airlines (in Australia) has a policy that unaccompanied minors are not allowed to sit next to male passengers. Men walking down the street have the police called and their daughters interrogated because they might have kidnapped them (both stories from freerangekids.com). This is discrimination and it is not okay.

That said, I have a daughter. I worry about her. I understand the fears, I really do. However, it is not my job to protect her from the world. It is my job to teach her to protect herself. Teaching her what is or is not appropriate and what to do about it is the best defense I can offer her. Raising a daughter who is leery of all men simply because they are men is not something I am okay with.

Sorry if I come across as harsh... I don't mean to insult anyone but this is something I feel passionately about (if you couldn't already tell!)

Last edited by dani_p; 09-15-2012 at 10:39 AM. Reason: typo!
dani_p is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2012, 09:53 AM   #40
newmommy13's Avatar
newmommy13
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 7,750
Quote:
Originally Posted by myoo
Threads like this always make me sick to my stomach when I think about my son and that someday when he's grown people will automatically look at him and think "potential child molestor" and not want their children to ever be alone with him. What a sick society we live in when men are automatically villainized just because they are male.

OP, this isn't a bash on you or anything. I just think it's sad that society in general has come to the point where people feel automatic distrust toward men.
I know. This is so true. I'm sorry mama its not fair. I dont believe that all men are evil, my rational mind knows that the vast majority are not a threat. I'm just scared.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dani_p
This is always such a touchy subject isn't it?

I too am surprised that the OP is nervous about a man she's never even met and a school professional at that. The notion that men should NEVER EVER be alone with children is a bit silly. Yes, I realize that they are 100 times more likely to be a sexual predator than a woman is... but 100 times 0.0001 is still less than 1%. That means that more than 99% of men are well meaning, normal guys who are vilified because of their sex. If I ran around suggesting that black people probably were criminals and middle easterners were all suicide bombers, I would be a terrible person. I don't understand why this is any different... yet it is widely accepted as normal behavior to discriminate against men in regards to children. Virgin Airlines (in Australia) has a policy that unaccompanied minors are not allowed to sit next to male passengers. Men walking down the street have the police called and their daughters interrogated because they might have kidnapped them (both stories from freerangekids.com). This is discrimination and it is not okay.

That said, I have a daughter. I worry about her. I understand the fears, I really do. However, it is not my job to protect her from the world. It is my job to teach her to protect herself. Teaching her what is or is not appropriate and what to do about it is the best defense I can offer her. Raising a daughter who is leery of all men simply because they are men is not something I am okay with.

Sorry if I come across as harsh... I don't mean to insult anyone but this is something I feel passionately about (if you couldn't already tell!)
I agree, teaching that only men are abusers is dangerous and could do more harm than good, for example giving kids a false sense of security with women when it is possibility to be hurt by a woman too. I think the best approach is making our kids feel empowered and to teach them safe practices regardless of if they are with men or women. However, statistics are still the same about abuse as it relates to sex (gender) and I dont believe that MY child, at 4 years old, has the skills to protect herself yet. I can see how my opinion might differ from that of a free ranger though.
__________________
I, mama to dd A (3-08) dfs J (10/11) and in love with newbie dfd N! (10/13)
hopeful pre-adoptive foster family
newmommy13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.