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Old 09-13-2012, 06:39 PM   #1
Ericagreen2116
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What would you have done?

Ok so this is a bit of a vent but I'm still so frustrated...today I brought my son to a soft play room with my friend and her son. When we got there there was another child (20mo) and two younger babies maybe (8mo and 10mo?)

Lately my 14mo son has been pretty rough with me as well as younger babies. Not infants but children who are a few months younger than him.
Any way, he went up to the 10mo girl and just kind of lightly hit her head (he doesn't hit hard but still any form of hitting is not ok). She started to cry and the nanny that was with her picked her up and made a huge deal about it. I immediately told him like I always do "that's not ok, you need to have nice touches ect." and I redirect him onto something else.

So maybe ten minutes later I was with my friends son (because she forgot socks to go onto the soft area I was keeping an eye on both of them) he was up on the raised soft blocks and my son goes back to the same girl and hits her in the face. Again, not hard. But the nanny reprimanded me! She said in the nastiest tone "you need to reach him not to hit!" and gave me the dirtiest look.
Well no kidding lady, Obviously I don't allow him to hit other children, I don't laugh and say its ok. I ALWAYS correct the behavior immediately. She was so out of line to say that. My son is a busy boy and I cannot be on top of him every single second. And when you go to a place like that there are going to be kids of all ages there.

I understand she is a nanny and If those children get hurt or anything she has to answer to her employers. But really did she have a right to say that?
Maybe I'm over reacting but my son can be such a sweet boy and it kills me that he is going through this stage. He doesn't have a ton of words so maybe that's how he feels he is expressing himself. He doesnt attempt to hit older/bigger kids.
II don't know what else to do. We don't hit our children. I have swatted at his hand before but he just laughs at me. What would you have done differently if you were in my situation?

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Old 09-13-2012, 06:47 PM   #2
Angel89411
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2 things.

1 - many children go through a hitting type phase. I think it is part of growing up and learning to interact.

2 - I expect there to be run ins in public play areas. Or anywhere out of my home. There was a boy hitting ODS on the playground last weekend. I took it as an opportunity to praise him for not hitting back and talking about it all after I removed him.

I think she had her panties in a wad on this one. I wonder if it is her first experience with littles.
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Old 09-13-2012, 06:47 PM   #3
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Re: What would you have done?

That is a tough spot mama The nanny sounds a bit snippy. I think dealing with other children is just part of visiting those type of activities(we do not go to places like that usually). I am sure you would have been less than pleased if another child was thumping on him. Maybe until he stops you will need to stay very close to him so that you are better able to anticipate his behaviors and stop him before he hurts someone. Hang in there, this to shall pass.
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Old 09-13-2012, 06:49 PM   #4
Ericagreen2116
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Maybe? She was an older foreign women though..I apologized instantly both time, she just didn't want to hear it.
I hate that he is doing this even though I know it is just a stage :0(
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Old 09-13-2012, 06:50 PM   #5
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Sorry this is happening but I might have said something similar as the nanny. Once I could understand twice would really irritate me. I also probably would have kept a better watch on my charges if I knew there was a child who would possibly be hurtful and it sounds like she wasn't. I know it's hard teaching these lessons. My 2 year old went through a horrible pinching stage.
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Old 09-13-2012, 06:52 PM   #6
Ericagreen2116
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Originally Posted by MDever
That is a tough spot mama The nanny sounds a bit snippy. I think dealing with other children is just part of visiting those type of activities(we do not go to places like that usually). I am sure you would have been less than pleased if another child was thumping on him. Maybe until he stops you will need to stay very close to him so that you are better able to anticipate his behaviors and stop him before he hurts someone. Hang in there, this to shall pass.
Thanks mamma. Our 2yo neighbor actually pushes DS around and he just takes it, doesn't push or hit back. I try not to make any kind of deal out of it because I know that's his parents job. Trust me the rest of the time those babies were there, I was right by him. I wasn't allowing that lady to say anything else to me!
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Old 09-13-2012, 06:53 PM   #7
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Re: What would you have done?

Hitting is a normal phase, an annoying phase, but it's normal. By telling them not to hit and redirecting them that IS teaching him not to hit. I think she had her panties in a bunch and I would have said something back to her, nicely though.
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Old 09-13-2012, 06:55 PM   #8
Ericagreen2116
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Originally Posted by ulawolf
Sorry this is happening but I might have said something similar as the nanny. Once I could understand twice would really irritate me. I also probably would have kept a better watch on my charges if I knew there was a child who would possibly be hurtful and it sounds like she wasn't. I know it's hard teaching these lessons. My 2 year old went through a horrible pinching stage.
Yah, I do know where she was coming from with him doing it twice but if I was by myself and wasn't watching the other child too it would never of happened the second time. :0(
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Old 09-13-2012, 06:58 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by JennTheMomma
Hitting is a normal phase, an annoying phase, but it's normal. By telling them not to hit and redirecting them that IS teaching him not to hit. I think she had her panties in a bunch and I would have said something back to her, nicely though.
Thanks mamma, I didn't think I could of done much else in the situation. In the moment I was too dumb founded to even respond to her, I am so bad at thinking on my feet
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Old 09-13-2012, 07:11 PM   #10
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I use a very stern and firm voice 'no hitting!!!' then soft and gentle 'nice hands' and take his hand and rub my arm nice.


I think at that age, they start to get it. Hitting gets a reaction. And Unfortuantly THEY aren't the ones getting hurt, so it's awesome,

I get peeved at parents with hitters all the time. Let me tell you, how many times my kids were hit in the face. It's not cool. So really, can you fault the nanny? Should she have said 'oh no bigs. All kids go through the hitting stage. Just hope she doesn't bruise...' lol.

It's your responsibility to teach him. Sounds like you are trying but not having success. I wouldn't honestly take him into a public play place if he hits children in the face and you know that he does. Kwim? My friends son was so abusive for so long, everyone stopped hanging with her. Normal behavior, somewhat. Sign my kid up to be hit/smacked/kicked/bit? Nope.

So look at both sides. And try other techniques, voices, behaviors, ect. You can be going thru the motions but you really gotta FEEL them to get ur DS to understand. Ooops. Mom means business!
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