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Old 09-15-2012, 12:42 AM   #1
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MIL vent

Okay, so I was responding to something on another thread and started writing a novel and realized I just needed to vent. Thanks for anyone who reads Also please feel free to add your vent!

So a couple weeks ago we had our in-laws over for dinner to tell them about the baby. We let ODD tell them and she said 'Do you know that mama has a new baby growing in her tummy that is just the size of a fig? That's only this big!' I was so proud. FIL understood. MIL said 'Did you tell us already?' (what???). When we said no we hadn't and clarified that DD was telling the truth the questions started in... was it planned, when is it die, what have we been using for birth control (really?!??), etc etc. Then the complaints 'you're going to have two in diapers, your going to have your hands full' blah blah blah. FIL finally said something like 'and they'll be fine and it'll be great'. That calmed her down a bit. The worst was she kept asking me how I felt about it and how I felt in my body (almost like she was implying I didn't 'have' to have it?! but also like she was trying to figure out if I was going to miscarry again...) I almost lost it the fourth or fifth time she asked a variation of that.

So then we saw her again almost two weeks later at my niece's birthday party and she came over randomly and asked about DH's cousin who recently had her 8th sweet babe. She says 'Ugh, I just can't imagine. You're not going to do that are you!!?' with this horrified expression on her face. I couldn't believe it. It just offended me so much. I paused before I replied and then said 'Well, our plan is to have four... but would it really be so terrible if we did?'. She started pulling out all sorts of crazy like complaints about the world's population and how 'they used to do things like that back before there was birth control'. I told her I really didn't understand why it bothered people so much, DH's cousin is a great example. She's super mom if I've ever met one, amazing with her kids, homeschools them all, they're all brilliant and involved in extra curricular stuff. They're an amazing family, so why not be a big amazing family? I could see being upset at someone who keeps having kids to get money from the government (I've seen it, it's awful) but healthy happy families? Why is that bad? She finally relented with a huffy 'Well I suppose if you lived a really simple life you could manage'. Obviously I"m still offended.

What is even more confusing to me (well two things actually). This is our third kid. She has three kids. Where does she get off freaking out about us having three??? The other is that I could see her freaking out a bit if there was some sort of responsibility involved for her, like if we asked them to watch the kids a lot, or if they paid for the kids dance classes or something, but they have never, not once, babysat for us. They've never paid for extras. In fact we're usually asking them to scale back at christmas and birthdays. We see them about once a month and usually have them over to our house. I think MIL has changed maybe three diapers ever for us and only because she volunteered. I just don't get why she's freaking out.

She did call a couple days ago to apologize and said she 'needed time to get used to the idea, like she's sure most people do when they hear the news'. OMG. Again, get used to what? And why would having a third shock people so badly??

It doesn't help that I never get along well with MIL when I'm pregnant. I love her, I honestly do, but she requires extra patience I just don't have preggo.

Sheesh. Thanks again to anyone who made it through my novel here

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Old 09-15-2012, 05:19 AM   #2
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Re: MIL vent

Vent away. Our announcement to my MIL/FIL didn't go much better than that and I was seriously angry and hurt the whole next week.
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Old 09-15-2012, 05:22 AM   #3
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Re: MIL vent

Oh, and maybe her reaction to your third even though they had three is ... maybe thier 3rd wasn't planned and that rocked their "plan" for their lives and gave them more struggles?

My MIL has 2. So she has always advocated very openly and loudly that 2 is the "right" number. And it got even more vocal after we had our boy and our girl, the "perfect" family.
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Old 09-15-2012, 06:26 AM   #4
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Re: MIL vent

I agree with PP - vent away. I totally get it. My husband and I get flack all the time from family (that all live out of state and that we see a couple times a year) for having 5 kids. It seems that when you have 5 kids it automtically gives everyone and their mother the right to tell you their opinion AND to ask if you are done. Even complete strangers. I think that's a bizare question to ask someone that you don't know. Maybe I'm weird, but I never ask people such personal info unless we are close, and in a private setting.
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Old 09-15-2012, 06:33 AM   #5
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Re: MIL vent

Or you could do what we did with #5 - we didn't tell anyone until I was 20 weeks along! It was great. I enjoyed every moment of the secret.
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Old 09-15-2012, 08:11 AM   #6
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I feel for you.(hugs)
My inlaws have been horrible to tell the news too each time...except this time. (jaw drop) I guess they finaly just get that they have no say. This is #6. So it took some time. Last time we kept it to ourselves as long as possible (16wks) then my MIL heard it through the grape vine. Lol...maybe she realized that her negative reactions kept her from getting the news first hand. we only personally told people we knew would be genuinely happy for us.
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Old 09-15-2012, 09:55 AM   #7
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Re: MIL vent

Thanks guys! I don't think I'll ever understand why everyone seems to think it's their business how many kids someone has?! What IS that? Oi.
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Old 09-15-2012, 09:59 AM   #8
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Re: MIL vent

Quote:
Originally Posted by amcess721 View Post
Oh, and maybe her reaction to your third even though they had three is ... maybe thier 3rd wasn't planned and that rocked their "plan" for their lives and gave them more struggles?

My MIL has 2. So she has always advocated very openly and loudly that 2 is the "right" number. And it got even more vocal after we had our boy and our girl, the "perfect" family.
This is a good point. There third was unplanned, but also 8 years after their second. I know she thinks it's too soon, so maybe it's a combination of 'too soon' and 'i didn't want three'? Even though we keep telling her we want four she acts like it's new news and gets all wigged out every time. Maybe she thought we'd change our mind after having our second
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Old 09-15-2012, 10:03 AM   #9
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Re: MIL vent

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Originally Posted by shannychi View Post
Or you could do what we did with #5 - we didn't tell anyone until I was 20 weeks along! It was great. I enjoyed every moment of the secret.
Haha, it's so tempting! We've only told close family and a couple of my very best friends so far. One friend hasn't spoken to me since, which I can't figure out but I'm totally hesitating to do the big announcement. I'm totally showing though, so that makes it tough!
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Old 09-15-2012, 10:17 AM   #10
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Re: MIL vent

Thats sucks! My in laws are going to be happy for us whenever or however we get pregnant again but my fmaily is a different story. We aren't planning to TTC for at least another year but I am already dreading dealing with them. God forbid if we have an oops..
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