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Old 09-19-2012, 01:36 PM   #1
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Need Peaceful Parenting Advice

Often, my 3 yo DD does not listen when we need to do things. Mostly, it is going to brush her teeth or leaving the house. I need ideas for how to get her moving without yelling/dragging (aka helping)/etc. I give her plenty of lead time so she isn't expected to just drop what she's doing. I explain that she NEEDS to brush her teeth or that we are going to be late. I don't want to be mean! And I hate it when the only choice left is to physically move her myself . I don't want to scare or punish her, please help.

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Old 09-19-2012, 01:43 PM   #2
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Re: Need Peaceful Parenting Advice

Can you make her a list? Something that she can see and put check marks on.

These are the things we do to leave in the morning:
-get dressed
-eat breakfast
-brush teeth
-etc.

Often at 3 or so, children can go from being fully independent, to feeling overwhelmed and like they need assistance. All of a sudden a child can't dress themselves, etc. You just have to figure out their motivation. Are they not doing these things because they need a confidence boost? Do they need things listed so they aren't overwhelmed? Do they truly hate brushing their teeth? Does it hurt? etc etc.

For me, if I have to battle DD to brush her teeth, it will be simple. The next day when she wants a treat, I will explain that sugars are for people who brush their teeth and when you don't brush your teeth, you can't have sugar. It sounds like a punishment, but it's something that they can control. All they have to do is brush their teeth and then they're re-eligible for dessert (or whatever).
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Old 09-19-2012, 04:28 PM   #3
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Ive just starts reading the love and logic parenting series, it recommends giving choices. Something like "do you want to brush your teeth now, or in 10 minuets?" might do the trick. then if she doesn't brush her teeth in that time, perhaps she has to "pay" you to do it for her with one of her toys?

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Old 09-19-2012, 07:32 PM   #4
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Re: Need Peaceful Parenting Advice

Can you turn it into a game? I know when we did bathroom time at the preschool where I worked, we all got on the bathroom boat and took a trip down the hall to the bathroom. We had a bathroom song, that kind of thing. Even with my Ds who is 19 months, I have started asking him for teeth brushing time, " B, do you have beans in your teeth?" Him, "Nooooo! (smiles)" Me, "let's take a look! Now, do you have ketchup in your teeth?" etc. If you are feeling like it is a battle of wills, humor goes a long way toward diffusing that energy. But also remember, she wants you to be in charge. Even when she protests!

I am pretty sure I understand that with peaceful parenting, it is the need behind the behavior that we are looking for. And usually the need starts with a need for connection. Is your DD asking you to be more present at those transition times, or something like that?

And also, I want to echo something said above: does she need the pressure taken off in some way? Again, with my Ds and teeth brushing, I was trying to brush his teeth in the morning and at night and he was really resisting me, so I gave up on the morning one for right then, and he immediately went back to being cooperative for the evening brushing. Now, sometimes he even asks to brush his teeth in the morning when he sees me doing it. I don't know the specifics of your situation, but maybe there is some small thing you can do for her so she feels really cared about in these moments which have become difficult for her too.

Good luck! I'd love to hear if you come up with any solutions!
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Old 09-19-2012, 07:39 PM   #5
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Subbing. We need help with this too. Made him cry tonight and I feel horrible.

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Old 09-19-2012, 08:22 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by theonenonlymrssmith
Ive just starts reading the love and logic parenting series, it recommends giving choices. Something like "do you want to brush your teeth now, or in 10 minuets?" might do the trick. then if she doesn't brush her teeth in that time, perhaps she has to "pay" you to do it for her with one of her toys?

......you should see what my posts look like BEFORE auto correct.
I reaaaaly like this!!
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Old 09-19-2012, 10:19 PM   #7
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My ds isn't quite 3 yet, but what works for me is to get down to his level or get into his game. For example, if I'm calling him to come do something and he's ignoring me I'll go to him and ask his toy to come watch W go potty. Or I will get W to help me ask his toy/dinner/juice to wait for him. Then I'll either take the toy and W will follow me or I'll hold W's hand as we walk away and remind the toy to wait for us. It's fun and it works.
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Old 09-20-2012, 01:07 AM   #8
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Re: Need Peaceful Parenting Advice

I recommend the book "Playful Parenting" for inspiration. It has really helped me creatively encourage cooperation, and have fun.
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Old 09-20-2012, 09:17 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange
Can you make her a list? Something that she can see and put check marks on.

These are the things we do to leave in the morning:
-get dressed
-eat breakfast
-brush teeth
-etc.

Often at 3 or so, children can go from being fully independent, to feeling overwhelmed and like they need assistance. All of a sudden a child can't dress themselves, etc. You just have to figure out their motivation. Are they not doing these things because they need a confidence boost? Do they need things listed so they aren't overwhelmed? Do they truly hate brushing their teeth? Does it hurt? etc etc.

For me, if I have to battle DD to brush her teeth, it will be simple. The next day when she wants a treat, I will explain that sugars are for people who brush their teeth and when you don't brush your teeth, you can't have sugar. It sounds like a punishment, but it's something that they can control. All they have to do is brush their teeth and then they're re-eligible for dessert (or whatever).
I like the list idea! Or maybe even a chart she can put stickers on!
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Old 09-20-2012, 09:20 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hpfgirl
My ds isn't quite 3 yet, but what works for me is to get down to his level or get into his game. For example, if I'm calling him to come do something and he's ignoring me I'll go to him and ask his toy to come watch W go potty. Or I will get W to help me ask his toy/dinner/juice to wait for him. Then I'll either take the toy and W will follow me or I'll hold W's hand as we walk away and remind the toy to wait for us. It's fun and it works.
Great idea!
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