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Old 08-19-2012, 07:44 PM   #1
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Red face Adoption , when where ? Seems impossible.

My husband and I both have always wanted to adopt. Growing up seeing how important it was for children to have families and knowing people who'd been adopted it always really seemed like something that hands down we would do. We have our own family are in our mid 20s, basically just spending our time looking for a house and dreaming of having another lo. But we talk about adoption daily. When we do get a house we plan to have as much space as possible. But it seems like this far off distant dream. We recently watched as a single woman took in fostered and adopted 5 siblings 4 and under, now the oldest twins are maybe 6 or 7 and all the adoptions are finalized, mil is one of the Los God mother and during the foster to adopt process the woman got married! I find her amazing. Another friend adopted a lo and is still having court dates 2 years later and it was a private adoption from birth and the birth ma wants her to have lo. It seems so hard. I understand why, kids need to be protected but so much time and money and with no promise of a child it really makes it seem ominous, but we really want to adopt someday. I was wondering if anyone had any experiences to share? My thought was always international, I know with the exception of maybe Poland that's outside our price range, likely we will go with dhs plan for domestic adoption. I don't think I could handle open adoption and have been told I wouldnt handle foster care by multiple friends. Apparently I would be overly heart broken. But choosing a child from say a foster care / waiting list that was free for adoption we could do that and would love to! But there's the matter of the homestudy cost... How did you get started and how much money did you need?

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Old 08-19-2012, 08:44 PM   #2
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Re: Adoption , when where ? Seems impossible.

Money question really varies as some people have spent under $10,000 and others much much much more. Reasonable guess for newborn is $25-35,000. Open adoption is just gaining extended family - it has its ups and downs. I am very glad we have an open adoption but right now its hard (but not for the normal reasons). It isn't normal to have court dates 2 years later after private adoption. Usually one finalizes between 3-6 months so there is a lot more to that story.
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Old 08-19-2012, 08:58 PM   #3
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Re: Adoption , when where ? Seems impossible.

Yes there is quite a bit more to that story :/ cant super explain though but it will be resolved soon thank goodness and it's not caused too much beyond stress and they have had the child the whole time it's just wild how it's gone though. Thanks for your answer it helps to be known that it would be possible on a budget.
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Old 08-20-2012, 02:31 PM   #4
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Re: Adoption , when where ? Seems impossible.

I guess I just need to hear that it's doable, I know its worth it and we will do it, just when we will be able to and how long it will take and how much money before it feels possible :/
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Old 08-20-2012, 06:48 PM   #5
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Re: Adoption , when where ? Seems impossible.

We foster-to-adopted a newborn. Got him at 26 days. Lost him at 2 years old. Got him back 4 months later. Finally adopted June 6 of this year, when he was 3 years, 3 months old. It was 3 hellish years. Bio-parents and caseworker put us through HELL. He also has significant medical needs (G-J feeding tube, asthma, feeding aversion, anger issues...lots of appointments).

But, if God has a plan for you, it WILL happen.
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Old 08-20-2012, 06:49 PM   #6
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Re: Adoption , when where ? Seems impossible.

We foster-to-adopted a newborn. Got him at 26 days. Lost him at 2 years old. Got him back 4 months later. Finally adopted June 6 of this year, when he was 3 years, 3 months old. It was 3 hellish years. Bio-parents and caseworker put us through HELL. He also has significant medical needs (G-J feeding tube, asthma, feeding aversion, anger issues...lots of appointments).

But, if God has a plan for you, it WILL happen.
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Old 08-20-2012, 07:45 PM   #7
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Re: Adoption , when where ? Seems impossible.

Thanks I'm glad you have him now. That's comforting thats whaty husband says
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Old 08-20-2012, 10:13 PM   #8
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Re: Adoption , when where ? Seems impossible.

Anything is doable with enough money and time. For us, it was just time. But, the wait was so worth it.
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Old 08-21-2012, 07:28 AM   #9
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Old 08-21-2012, 06:45 PM   #10
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I remember thinking it was impossible, but now I have 2 beautiful, crazy LOs! We went to an intro session at a community college, hoping it'd be less biased than an agency session. Turns out it was an agency anyway, VERY biased, and scared us away from adopting. It sounded like it'd be impossible to afford, would take forever, and I really questioned the ethics behind it all (they told us, the more $ you're willing to spend, the healthier/younger your child will be). After almost 2 years, I spoke with a friend of a friend who adopted (domestic newborn) and got a better look at things. Sure, it can be very expensive, and it can take a long time, but that's not everyone's experience. For me, adopting newborn twins was not that much more expensive than medical bills, time off work, and maternity clothes would have been, plus we were able to take advantage of the tax credit (hopefully will be extended). And from the time we got started with the home study until we held them in our arms wasn't that much longer than a normal pregnancy. We cut costs everywhere to save for our adoption, we borrowed some, but it was so worth it! For every scary adoption story, there are several happy ones. Don't get discouraged- I'm so glad I decided to take a second look!
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