Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-17-2012, 11:30 PM   #1
slingmama4's Avatar
slingmama4
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 2,864
My Mood:
Adopting and birth order question

I have a 14 b, 12 b, 8 b, 5 g, and 3 b- all birth children. We are very interested in adopting a little girl who is 9, call her K, through the foster care system. my question is....
Would adopting a girl who is older than my daughter cause problems, displace her birth order, etc... or do you think because there is such an age gap of 4 years it would work? We are very interested in adding K to our family, bu we havconcerns about screwing up the birth order. Prior to learning about K, we had planss of adopting a girl younger than 5. So, just curious to opinions, experiences out there. Please share.

Advertisement

__________________
Jesus-loving, Unschooling, FREEBIRTHING Mommy to a bunch!
Rylan,Nolan,Gideon,Layla,Lincoln,Lulah , Evangeline and a New Baby in my tummy
slingmama4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 12:20 AM   #2
apurkeyp's Avatar
apurkeyp
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Where the deer and the antelope roam...
Posts: 1,524
My Mood:
I wouldn't. Adopting out of birth order isn't really recommended.

We were pursuing the adoption of a 5 year old girl. Our birth order as follows...6 g, 4 g, 2 b, and a new boy due in December. We thought it would be perfect seeing as she was right between my girls. Big mistake. She came on her first visit after we were chosen and committed to her and it fell apart. Partially it was the agency's fault as she had much bigger issues than we were told (sexual acting out) but it truly affected my children. I still feel bad to this day and she was only here a weekend. Anyway, lesson learned as far as our family is concerned. I could see it was not a good fit at all.

Best of luck for whatever you decide.
__________________
I'm so tired of hearing about how important a birth is. It is absolutely nothing more than an obstacle between a family and a baby.
apurkeyp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 05:20 AM   #3
ChristyHC's Avatar
ChristyHC
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 316
Re: Adopting and birth order question

I think a lot of it depends on the children. Is your daughter easy going or does she like to rule the roost so to speak as the only girl? Have you met K? Do you have any idea how she will fit in with your family? I have heard both good stories and bad.
__________________
~Christy
Married to Tim (03), Mom to Michael (8/05), Jon (7/08), and Becca (2/10)
Mom With Mission
Want to learn to scrapbook on your computer?
ChristyHC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 08:32 AM   #4
Msheidiann's Avatar
Msheidiann
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 1,014
My Mood:
I am sorry to say most the stories I have heard, as well as the advice of many professionals tell you, adopting out of birth order is probably a bad idea. I obviously don't know your situation, so take it with a grain of salt. I would do some serious thinking and researching first.
__________________
SAHM and Wife to Matthew
Forever Mommy to Thomas
Msheidiann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 09:18 AM   #5
sunnymommy
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Omaha, NE
Posts: 1,968
Re: Adopting and birth order question

Is the not adopt out of birth order recommendation always to only adopt younger than your youngest? Or only to adopt younger than your oldest? I haven't researched, but my first feeling is that keeping your oldest the oldest would be the main concern... I also think the age gap makes a difference. Say if you have a four year gap between kids and adopt one that right between them versus trying to stick one in that's only a year difference in age. But, I've also heard that gender makes a difference as well in that adding an opposite gender works better than the same gender when they are close in age.
sunnymommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 10:38 AM   #6
WynneBabies's Avatar
WynneBabies
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 6,545
My Mood:
Re: Adopting and birth order question

I won't adopt out of age order because it's not something I want to risk, but it can happen. If we were to adopt a much older girl, like 15+, I think all my boys would be fine, but adopting a boy anywhere down the line would not work. I also think a girl between my 9yo and 6yo might work, but not one ages 9-13, for example. I might be willing to adopt a girl between my two younger ones (3.5 and 6) as it could work and I don't think my 3yo would mind staying the youngest. I think you really need to think about your family dynamics, but it also is so dependent on the kid you adopt too. You could get a great fit or not.
__________________
A SAHM to four long out of diapers (all used cloth for all or part of their diapering years) and a baby girl currently in cloth part time.
WynneBabies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 10:46 AM   #7
NSB's Avatar
NSB
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,594
Re: Adopting and birth order question

I won't adopt out of birth order.
__________________
NSB
NSB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 12:57 PM   #8
newmommy13's Avatar
newmommy13
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 7,750
I have read that the only way it works is if the kiddo is between the oldest and youngest meaning your situation could work. Being a girl could work great, they could be bffs, but it could go wrong too. Its a gamble, but isnt everything?
__________________
I, mama to dd A (3-08) dfs J (10/11) and in love with newbie dfd N! (10/13)
hopeful pre-adoptive foster family
newmommy13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 01:08 PM   #9
Beth.
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 812
My Mood:
Re: Adopting and birth order question

.
__________________
Mom to two beautiful girls

Last edited by Beth.; 12-03-2012 at 09:16 AM.
Beth. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2012, 05:27 PM   #10
sol4J
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 8
Re: Adopting and birth order question

Itís really wonderful to hear that youíre considering adoption! My advice is that you take the time to look at this situation from all possible views and to weigh your options carefully. I believe that the question you posed is one that is hard to give a fast answer. However, I do think there are some guidelines out there that may help you determine Godís will for your decision. If you donít know what you should do, a group that Iím with (Focus on the Family) offers a free consultation session over the phone. All of them are committed therapists and very understanding people, who are there to listen, answer questions, etc. Their phone number is 1-855-771-4357. Itís free of charge, so I do hope you call. Additional information about parenting, adoption, etc. can be also found on Focus website. Praying for you!
sol4J is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright © 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.