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Old 09-22-2012, 04:22 PM   #21
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It's one thing to leave a 4.5 month old baby crying in a room by themselves.

It's a completely other thing to leave them crying in the arms of someone who loves them. They will survive that. They will not be traumatized. Atleast with daddy.. auntie who loves them might not work as well or might work better!

As someone who has had to swaddle and hold a screaming, crying infant, baby, toddler... even momma sometimes can't calm them down and all you can do is hold them. Think of babies with colic - they scream for hours in the arms of the people who love them and they turn out fine (DH was a colic baby and is quite cuddly and well adjusted).

and you don't sound lame. You sound concerned. Which is the hallmark of a parent who is trying to be a good parent.
This, totally. You have gotten great advice here.

You need a partner you can trust with the baby so you can eat, nap, get out for an outing, whatever. It is ultimately in your LO's interest that mama not burn out. Your mom may just be ready to retire from caring for needy babies but your husband, his daddy, should absolutely be there for him, it is his baby too. It will be great bonding for them.

Good luck mama. Hugs!!!

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Old 09-22-2012, 04:33 PM   #22
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Re: Balancing your needs with the needs of an intense baby

Don't read this thread if you want hope.

My Ds1 was an incredibly clingy baby and he would cry whenever I wasn't holding him. He calmed down a little when his little brother was born but he still is very clingy. He made me hold his hand the entire time we where at soccer practice last week. He freaks when ever I go somewhere without him. I intend to put him in preschool next year if we can afford it. He is super smart but has an October birthday and he missed the cut off age to start kinder next year.
He ggggggggggggggggggggcccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Old 09-22-2012, 04:50 PM   #23
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Re: Balancing your needs with the needs of an intense baby

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you HAVE to trust your husband, the baby's father, to be given a chance to be the other parent. It needs to start now. If you don't give them a chance to be comfortable with each other, figure eachother out, etc - then you're not being fair to either of them or to yourself. The longer you wait to let DH be a resource, the more difficult it's going to get.

And don't worry about your mom's ability to take care of him. It's not a good comparison. She's older, so of course any baby is likely to wear her out more than 20 yrs ago when she was the mom. My mom is almost useless with DD. Not because she doesn't try.. but she likes to lay down, she likes to do things the way she does. She likes to stop and mess with her phone for awhile. To have a baby or a child want attention the entire time wears her down completely.
I really think Emily hit this dead on. Baby should be attached to both mama and daddy.
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Old 09-22-2012, 04:56 PM   #24
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My super clingy baby wanted only me until about 2.5 when she started to PREFER daddy. I think it's okay if baby wants all mama for now. He will grow into daddy when he is ready. Just my opinion, which seems to be the minority here
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Old 09-22-2012, 05:08 PM   #25
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Re: Balancing your needs with the needs of an intense baby

i have a high needs almost 3 month old. between pumping every 2 hours and holding/feeding her in between i have no time to do anything else. we did just switch her reflux meds and its helped a little bit. she will sit in the bouncer for 5-10 minutes while i pump happily. she sleeps 6 hours or so at night so that helps but im exhausted. no real advice, just
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Old 09-22-2012, 05:09 PM   #26
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DD wasn't quite as intense as your LO, but she was still difficult those first 6-7 months or so. I too hated to hear her cry and have to fight hard to give DH a chance and not just take over and "fix it". When I started back to work he stayed home with her during the day, and it was rough in the beginning. Daddies have to find their rhythm too, and many times daddy can do things to calm baby that doesn't work with mama and vice versa. Now they do great and he is actually better at getting her to go down for a nap than I am.

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Old 09-22-2012, 05:11 PM   #27
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Re: Balancing your needs with the needs of an intense baby

My middle daughter is like this and not too scare you, but it doesnt get easier really. She is still super high energy but also prone to overstimulation. Intense, exhausting and demanding at 3.

I also agree with the mom that commented on Happiest Baby on the Block. We definitely used the "5 S's" with her. I would even have her sleep in a basket on the dryer and turn that dryer on for hours. She needed a dark place and a lot of white noise to help tune out the world. (This was during the day when I could regularly check on her! ) We also used a lot of the tips from The Baby Whisperer. Even if you dont believe in routines and such, there is still a lot to be learned from that book about accepting and working with the child you already have. There is only so much you can change.
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Old 09-22-2012, 05:15 PM   #28
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Re: Balancing your needs with the needs of an intense baby

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Originally Posted by Mom2jandb View Post
My super clingy baby wanted only me until about 2.5 when she started to PREFER daddy. I think it's okay if baby wants all mama for now. He will grow into daddy when he is ready. Just my opinion, which seems to be the minority here
I agree with you! Both of mine qualify as high needs, but my first was pretty intense. She makes my son look like a walk in the park! The only thing that worked for me with her was a rigid nap routine. I sat in a rocker in her room and listened to classical music and rocked her to sleep every time she was tired. It was the only way she would sleep! If we deviated from this routine, she was a mess. Every nap had to be this regimented. We did not do any kind of CIO, but every sleep, even night was WORK. I do not ever want to go back there!

My DH is not good with hard babies and he did not get left with them often. I couldn't take them crying for me and just found things for me to with baby to give myself a break.
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Old 09-22-2012, 05:24 PM   #29
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Re: Balancing your needs with the needs of an intense baby

This sounds a lot like DD2. She calmed down a little around the time we introduced solids, but we never could get a schedule down and that drove us both bonkers. She was still pretty whiny up until a few months ago when we found out she is sensitive to nuts. I have to wonder if we cut those out a long time ago if things would have been different. I'm praying that this baby will either not have food allergy issues, or we'll be able to pinpoint them earlier. It was a really tough first year. Hoping you find a way to cope, or a trigger for his troubles.
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Old 09-22-2012, 06:31 PM   #30
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Sounds like our DS. The most helpful thing for me was discovering he needed to take more naps--I found the 90-Minute Sleep Solution very helpful. The idea is that humans have a natural alert cycle of 90 minutes, and are primed for sleep at the end of those 90-minute intervals. A newborn will need to sleep within 90 minutes of waking. A 3-6 month old might have some 3-hour wakeful periods, and the wakeful periods increase by 90-minute intervals as children age.

Look for signs of sleep and put LO to bed as soon as you see them. Our DS is so much happier now that he gets adequate sleep. He used to get 8-9 hours, and now gets 12-15. Of course, we cosleep and nurse to sleep, so I'm stuck in bed unless I manage to sneak away while he naps. Still working on that...
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