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Old 09-23-2012, 05:01 PM   #1
happysmileylady
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DH works an hour away-how to approach going into labor...

I am a SAHM, during the day, it's me and the 2 little ones, then DD1 gets home from school around 3:30. She will be 17 in December. DH doesn't get home until 7 or 7:30. He works 64 miles from our house, so his drive is about an hour, depending on traffic.

We are trying to discuss the "when do I call you?" question, and aren't getting very far, looking for advice.

Despite the fact that he is very far away, we live within walking distance of the hospital I will deliver at. If an emergency happens, or things start going down very fast, I can make it to the hospital very quickly. My mom lives about 35 to 45 minutes away, but she works just 15ish minutes away, so I can call her when I need to, and if she can't make it, my sister, who is the same 15 minutes away can get here. And of course if DD1 is already home from school, she's available to babysit and/or drive (she should be licensed by the end of the week) if necessary. So I am not necessarily worried about if something happens fast, other than of course DH missing it.

The thing is, I tend to labor a LONG time. And the initiation of labor is sometimes difficult to distinguish. With my oldest, I was in labor for about 16 hrs, with DD2 there were a lot of contractions over the course of many weeks before we went into L&D the first time, and were sent home, and then were there for 2 more days before we went in the second time, when they kept me. My 3rd was a pit induction, and it still took over 12 hrs.

I don't want to be contracting every ten minutes, call DH and have him leave work, then have contractions stop an hour later, which wouldn't be atypical for me. That could happen multiple times really. I also don't want to wait too long and then have him miss it. I intend to labor at home as long as possible just because I know I will be laboring several hours anyway. I also don't want to be stuck laboring at home, with things getting painful, without him here either.

So I dunno, advice?

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Old 09-23-2012, 05:48 PM   #2
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Re: DH works an hour away-how to approach going into labor...

Best guess: call hubby when you've been having contractions at an average of every five minutes for one hour. It is difficult to plan for when to call when you don't want to use up any more time than necessary...
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Old 09-24-2012, 08:11 AM   #3
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I have found a hot bath will make my false labor go away in about 15-20 mins. U could always go get checked at l&d before calling him. If u are still early 2 cm U can go home and call him when things move further along.
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Old 09-24-2012, 11:27 AM   #4
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Re: DH works an hour away-how to approach going into labor...

Personally...I want my husband here when I'm in labor. Even though this is my 4th labor, I want him here. With my first baby, I actually did send him to the gym while I was in labor. (I was in labor for 44hr though.) But, if I thought I was really in labor, I would not want him 64 miles away. Even if it ended up being false, I would rather error on the side of calling him home. Labor is unpredictable and that's just life IMO. The same thing may happen to me, but for this pregnancy my husband is only 35 minutes away. (He's been up to 45 minutes in the past. So, not as far as yours.)

That said, I would probably call to let him know if they are 10 minutes apart for more than an hour. Take a warm bath and drink lots of water and rest. Then, if they were still picking up in frequency and intensity, probably about 8 minutes apart, I'd call and tell him to come home. *I* would not wait till they were 5 minutes apart. Even though you have a history of "unusual" labor patterns, this is your 4th time (if I remember correctly). It might go faster and you might go from 5 minutes apart to right on top of each other very quickly. I'd want him there and not having to worry about it.

In my mind, I'd rather have a false alarm than have him miss it or me totally stressed that he is going to miss it.

While my husband is only 35 minutes away, I do get your hesitation. Both my mom and my doula are an hour and a half away. My doula is obviously a very important part of my labor. (And, I chose her knowing her distance.) My mom is also very important to me because we are very close and she has always been there during my labor and deliveries. So, I'm a bit stressed about it and a bit stressed about knowing when to call. My doula said to do the above and not worry about if it ends up being false.
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Old 10-12-2012, 05:24 PM   #5
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Re: DH works an hour away-how to approach going into labor...

With both of my full-term births, I went into "real" labor sometime during daylight hours (DD in the morning, DS in the late afternoon) and then I deliver at night (DD at 10:30 p.m. and DS at 2:10 a.m.). DH work distance varies each day, and some days, he could be as much as two hours away by the time he drives back to the depot to get his car and then comes home. Then between dropping off kids and getting to the hospital, that is ANOTHER 75 minutes or so.

But with both of those labors, I knew I was in "real" labor each time... even with DS, where I'd had contractions for weeks, and even that day, I had contractions that were about an hour apart before things got "real" lol. So I'm counting on that happening again, since my labors are fairly average length (12 hours for DD and 8 hours of "real" labor for DS). I intend to contact DH (by text since he's "in area" for texting more than he is for calling) as soon as I start having "real" contractions.
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