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Old 09-28-2012, 01:56 PM   #1
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Reluctant to conceive because of difficult first pregnancy?

First I'll just say that DH and I don't plan on TTC any time soon, but it is something I think about. We would like to have one more baby within the next 3 years or so.

During my pregnancy with DD, I had a few complications. I had spotting from weeks 5-17. I then developed hydronephrosis around week 22. I had 3 surgeries while pregnant and one after birth to place/replace stents. DD was diagnosed IUGR and I was having weekly biophysicals at the end of my pregnancy. We spent 6 days in the hospital after her birth.

Despite all this I LOVED being pregnant.

However, this past experience has really effected how I feel about having another child.

I know DH and I want one more baby in a few years, but when I think about going through pregnancy again, I get really anxious. There's a possibility I will have a completely normal experience next time around, but still, I may go through the same thing again with the hydronephrosis--plus I'll have DD to care for as well (the hydronephrosis confined me to the sofa many times doe to the pain).

I'm hoping as time goes by and DD gets more independant that I will feel more ready to go through pregnancy again, but right now, I am scared out of my mind to do it all again. I just feel so lucky that DD Is healthy and fine. I went into pregnancy with her SO excited...and sad that my next pregnancy will be entered with such caution and worry.

Can anyone else relate? did anyone else have a tough pregnancy and then go on to have another pregnancy? Did the feelings of worry about getting pregnant again eventually go away with time...or get better at least?

I feel like my past experience is going to make me want to wait A LOT longer to have another child. I never thought I'd be the one wanting to wait longer that DH for baby #2! lol

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Old 09-28-2012, 08:18 PM   #2
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I had a terrible first pregnancy. At 25 weeks I was put on medication for my high blood pressure. Admitted to hospital at 30 weeks and delivered at 31 weeks. DD was in the NICU 7 weeks. I swore I would have no more kids. After my DD weaned at 11 months I was switching from the mini pill to Nuva ring. Well... My period never showed for me to start. I was pregnant. I was terrified. I worried the whole pregnancy. Well guess what... I had a picture perfect pregnancy and DD was born 9 days 'late!' I'm SO glad we had an accidental pregnancy. We wouldn't have DD2 or DS otherwise!

I hope you are able to have a good second pregnancy. Unfortunately the only way to find out is to have one!
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Old 09-28-2012, 08:51 PM   #3
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Re: Reluctant to conceive because of difficult first pregnancy?

First pregnancy I was sick all day, all night. I lost weight. I could hardly function. I vomitted every day over 20 times a day. Stomach bile, water, and every food or pill (tylenol for my headaches, or sleep aids too) I put into my stomach. It was terrible. DH said after watching me go through that (plus that pregnancy ended in csection) that he wanted only one. I could not have ever fathomed planning a pregnancy knowing the suffering that would be coming. Surprise pregnancy happened anyway, and I was happy... but I knew what was coming. I think I handled it better the second time around. It was still terrible, but I didn't lose weight or get as dehydrated. Instead of not drinkign or eating anything for fear of throwing up, I just knew it was going to happen no matter what I did and that I'd rather throw up water or soups than stomach bile. Mostly, I managed it better. But I was still miserable and could hardly function. I puked my brains out at work, I came home and laid down in bed and ran to the bathroom every hour. My then 20-24 month old son literally had no mother for that time because all I could do was lay down or hug the toilet. Now that my second pregnancy was a failed VBAC... I swear I'm done. I don't want any more csections, and pregnancy is no fun either. DH is probably getting snipped. But, we'd love to have another baby and I LOVE nursing my baby.. so slamming that door shut and locking it just because for some reason I cannot give birth and get terribly sick when pregnant is really heartbreaking and leaves me bitter that I can't have better pregnancies or birth my babies.
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Old 09-28-2012, 09:37 PM   #4
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Re: Reluctant to conceive because of difficult first pregnancy?

I thought that after DD's pregnancy that I would never have kidney stones again. And for 5.5yrs I was kidney stone free. Then in April they found some and in May I got pregnant. And I am now dealing the attacks from the stones. DH did not want another because of how bad it was with DD. But I wanted one VERY bad. And now because of being preg and having stones again, it has cured of me wanting a 4th.

We thought it would not happen again. We thought my stones were taken care of. And something changed over the past year. We will be having #3 in 4 months and I have had now 5 attacks in the past 6 weeks.

So sometimes things might happen again, sometimes they won't. You can't guess that you will get the hydronephrosis again. Try to get information before you get pregnant so you either lessen the problems or stop it al together.
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Old 09-28-2012, 11:28 PM   #5
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I had HG with my first, and swore that I would adopt before getting pregnant again. In time, the memory of how much I hated being pregnant faded... The whole time I looked at it as "this is a necessary evil if you want a baby". I got pregnant again 10 weeks ago, and the HG hit so much harder this time, but thankfully it didn't last as long and is now at the "normal morning sickness" level. But over a period of 3 weeks I lost almost 20 lbs. I thought that I was going to die. Now I think I'll be okay, if I can just kind of forget that labor is at the end of this whole thing! :/
I was so scared to get pregnant again, and this was an oops, but now that I'm passed that HG, it isn't as bad as I thought it would be! By this point in my last pregnancy I had severe hip pain. So far so good!
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Old 09-29-2012, 02:09 AM   #6
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I had HG as well with both pregnancies. Both at the worst during first trimester in the fall. My kiddos are now 4 and 18 months. Fall is here again and the smells of the weather changing and of seasonal baking/drinks definitely triggers anxiety for me. My body remembers being pregnant and did not like the nausea and constant vomiting. It sounds like you had a much different trial than I did, but those feelings of powerlessness and pain and just fatigue are so overwhelming. And I think there is an aspect of trauma to it, even in a small way. I think it's worth a few conversations with a counselor to talk through your anxieties and fears and perhaps create a plan for how you can anticipate your needs during that time and make it possible to access the things you'll need. Like extra help with housework, someone to get your little one outside to run off steam, help with meals, etc. :-) I've never heard of anyone hiring a prenatal doula, but if there are any doula organizations in your area you could ask around and see if any of them are open to offering prenatal and sibling care support.
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Old 09-29-2012, 01:17 PM   #7
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Re: Reluctant to conceive because of difficult first pregnancy?

Thanks for your stories and advice so far ladies!
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