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Old 10-02-2012, 12:38 PM   #11
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That is a major benefit of adoption! I was so thankful with our newborn placement that I wasnt recovering from birth while caring for her, our 9 month placement and our 4 year old.

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Old 10-02-2012, 12:46 PM   #12
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Re: considering adoption and confused

In some ways adopting was less physically taxing (no pregnancy or birth to recover from), but in many ways it was much more emotionally taxing which proved to be just as hard in my experience. The waiting, paperwork, travel, finalization process, bonding, etc. is all extremely hard to go through. Not to mention the ongoing emotional toll that open adoption carries with it (while best for our son in the long run, keeping a relationship with his birthmom - seeing her pain, navigating the feelings of having her in our lives - is a challenge). Adoption was right for our family, but I have no doubt in my mind that it is not for everyone.

ETA: As far as spreading attention amongst more children, that is one of the hardest parts of having 3 kids. It is hard to meet all their needs. But I also see the relationship that my oldest has with our son, and it's beautiful. I have less time to spend with her, but he spends time with her too and there is immense value in that. It's just a different dynamic than with two.
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Old 10-02-2012, 01:45 PM   #13
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We used an agency in Kansas and were very happy we chose them. Very helpful, dealing with the same contact throughout, and all the fees are listed up front, which means no surprises. We did semi-open, letters and pictures, occasional phone calls, but no visits at this time (but keep an open mind!). FindingMercy explained things so well in her post, I won't repeat. But just also know that there are no guarantees in newborn adoptions. We still had 4 weeks in the NICU and another week away from home until paperwork cleared. And having 3 bios may turn a few E-moms away, but there are those E-moms who are looking for brothers and sisters for their LO. Good luck!
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Old 10-03-2012, 11:36 AM   #14
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Re: considering adoption and confused

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Originally Posted by kitkatkc View Post
To me, and we are just starting out, making this decision is not really much different than choosing to get pregnant again. How will another baby effect our family? Is it the right choice? Can we afford it? For us, adding another baby though adoption would be easier on the kids, since it would mean that I am healthy for my kids, and not spending months in bed unable to even make them a sandwich.
Thanks for your response! I often struggle at how to balance all of these decisions. I found when i was part of 4 kids it was more fun, but when my brothers moved out and it was just me and my sister = way less fun. But i got more time and attention from my parents.

I hope you find what a local adoption place!!
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Old 10-03-2012, 01:54 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by FindingMercy
In some ways adopting was less physically taxing (no pregnancy or birth to recover from), but in many ways it was much more emotionally taxing which proved to be just as hard in my experience. The waiting, paperwork, travel, finalization process, bonding, etc. is all extremely hard to go through. Not to mention the ongoing emotional toll that open adoption carries with it (while best for our son in the long run, keeping a relationship with his birthmom - seeing her pain, navigating the feelings of having her in our lives - is a challenge). Adoption was right for our family, but I have no doubt in my mind that it is not for everyone.

ETA: As far as spreading attention amongst more children, that is one of the hardest parts of having 3 kids. It is hard to meet all their needs. But I also see the relationship that my oldest has with our son, and it's beautiful. I have less time to spend with her, but he spends time with her too and there is immense value in that. It's just a different dynamic than with two.
Oh yeah I believe that about emotions and adoption. Its uncharted terratory too, for you or myself anyway, adopt that makes it harder too. I could slap people who say adoption its the easy way. Seriously.
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Old 10-03-2012, 06:41 PM   #16
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Re: considering adoption and confused

I do not mean to say that adoption will be easy, by any means. I am already experiencing a lot of the emotions, due to the fact that my parents are not the most supportive.
Since my kids are young, I don't really think that it will effect them the same way- I think it will be about the same as bringing another sibling home.
I was adopted- which is one of the reasons I am so confused about my parents' feelings- and I feel that gives me a good deal of insight to what it will be like raising an adopted child.
No, it won't be easy, and it won't be cheap, but then again, neither is adding to our family in the more traditional sense.
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Old 10-04-2012, 11:16 AM   #17
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Re: considering adoption and confused

Hi there~
Well, that's so great you're considering adoption for your family! Although I totally understanding how overwhelming it can feel to start this process! It's really hard to know where to begin sometimes. But, seems like you've got a lot of great feedback already. So, I just wanted to say I'll be praying for you as look into this option for your family and that you'll know what steps to take. Also, I wanted to make a quick suggestion. Since you're wondering about adoption specifically for Kansas, you might want to check out the Kansas Children's Service League. I know they have a lot of resources and information that might help you out. Just a thought!
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