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Old 10-16-2012, 08:12 PM   #141
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Elena. I'm going to echo Marie...I think that having an impartial ear might help you out. Or, even a good doctor or midwife...one that isn't a jerk like that OB you had during Elliana's delivery. Do you have any friends or family who can recommend a more compassionate caregiver? I'm not trying to pressure you, and I hope you aren't offended. I completely respect your choice to stay away from doctors right now, and if you do see someone, I hope they treat you MUCH better. Have you called about the results of the testing of 8 months ago? It seems so strange that they promised you quick results but you have nothing.

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Old 10-17-2012, 07:16 AM   #142
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Re: Pregnancy After Loss (October 1-15)

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How far along are you, roughly?

Have you thought about counseling? Avoiding medical care is understandable in your situation, but it sounds like you need to talk it out with someone not connected to you. We're great and all, but I'm not sure if our listening across the distance is going to help you find ways to cope.
I'm 14 weeks (was on Sunday). I know there are so many reasons why I could be feeling less/different stuff. And I have felt stuff that may be Babe. Just not definitely and if it is, it's not the same wiggling like before.

I have thought about counselling many times. Unfortunately, I'd have to get a referral from my own Dr - thus I'd have to go to his office - and I'd have to go to the hospital to see a therapist... and we'd have to pay for it, I think. Which we definitely can't afford.

Eventually, I hope to be able to get to the Dr. I mean, I'll definitely go in when in labor, lol.
I had been thinking ahead a bit, figuring I would go in around 17-18 weeks to get the referral for the 20 week u/s. But that was when I was feeling daily movement and feeling hopeful, like things were okay.
Now, if things aren't okay, I don't want to go in there and have tests and u/s and have to hear and see all that again. I'd rather wait it out and deal with things as they come, at home.

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Elena. I'm going to echo Marie...I think that having an impartial ear might help you out. Or, even a good doctor or midwife...one that isn't a jerk like that OB you had during Elliana's delivery. Do you have any friends or family who can recommend a more compassionate caregiver? I'm not trying to pressure you, and I hope you aren't offended. I completely respect your choice to stay away from doctors right now, and if you do see someone, I hope they treat you MUCH better. Have you called about the results of the testing of 8 months ago? It seems so strange that they promised you quick results but you have nothing.
Definitely no MWs - have had bad experiences with the 4 local MWs and don't trust them at all.
I won't have to see the same OB we had for Elli's birth - he was in the city, my OB is in town and not the same guy at all. (read: not an a.s.s)

Thing is, our own fam Dr is great - he's very compassionate and always has made me feel comfortable and cared for.

A lot of the trouble is that, with Elliana's pregnancy, I did everything exactly "right" - went in for a confirmation appt at 7 weeks, started prenatal appts at 11 weeks, did all the blood work (minus the 15 week one for defects), went for the 20 week u/s right on time. I ate well, I didn't take any meds, etc. Everything "by the books".
And it didn't matter. She was sick and dying from the moment cells starting dividing. All the care in the world wouldn't have changed that.
So, this time, I just feel like there's no point in trying, honestly. I did everything right with her and she died. So what's the point in getting all those appts, hearing the hb, etc, if it didn't save her.

It would be different if what caused her death was something we could have caught or treated or prevented, kwim? But it was just something wrong with her. There's no amount of care that would have changed the outcome.

Like I said to Marie there, I had been planning to force myself to the office at 17-18 weeks to start things going. But that's when I had some hope that things were okay. Now that hope is fading.

Oh, and I've wondered over and over about the results. They were so eager to figure things out, so adamant that they'd call right away with any results. And we've heard nothing at all.
I likely could get an appt to see them for the results, but it's in the city (3 hours away) and I definitely couldn't handle going back to the same building we had the last u/s, and birthed her in.
Our fam Dr did tell DH that he could request the results and get them for us, but I have to be the one to make the request to him, because they're my tests, kwim?

I'm also not sure what they could really tell us at this point. Either it was a genetic/chromosomal fluke with her. Or it was something we passed on that, then, would give this Babe a chance to have it too. Or I do have the form of MD they were testing for... in which case every child we have has a 50% chance of having it.
I'm sure we'll get the results sometime. Just not sure what good they'll be now, kwim?
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Old 10-17-2012, 11:42 AM   #143
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Re: Pregnancy After Loss (October 1-15)

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Old 10-17-2012, 11:50 AM   #144
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Re: Pregnancy After Loss (October 1-15)

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adorable!!! this gave me a HUGE smile!!
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Old 10-17-2012, 11:58 AM   #145
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Awwww!! Hi baby! I can't wait to see our little lady in 4d.

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Old 10-17-2012, 12:09 PM   #146
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Re: Pregnancy After Loss (October 1-15)

I had a great 30-week appointment today! I had another ultrasound, mostly to make sure my placenta was no longer low-lying, and it's not. They did a BPP on the (not-so-)little guy, and he had a perfect score. AFI was 16, cervix length 3.7. Baby is measuring a little over a week big, with a large tummy, so the doctor said to walk some more so that I use the sugar instead of baby stealing it all and stashing it in his abdomen, lol. I'd been slacking the past couple of weeks so I need to start that back up again.
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Old 10-17-2012, 12:54 PM   #147
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Re: Pregnancy After Loss (October 1-15)

Elena- sorry to hear what you are dealing with. It really sucks that pregnancy is supposed to be such a joy, but for many of us, it's full of anxiety. I think your strategy of waiting till 17 weeks to get a referral for the u/s is a good one. Hope baby starts making his/her presence known on a daily basis soon.

Andrea- 30 weeks! Can't believe you are that far already. What a great u/s pic.

AFM: had an OB appt yesterday. Nothing special just went over what I already knew from the u/s that everything looks good. I'm scheduled to see a specialist on 11/14 for a 12 week nucheal scan. Nothing else going on till then. I hit 8 weeks today and felt really crappy for the first time. All i want to do is lay in bed. In fact that's where I'm going right now...
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Old 10-17-2012, 01:45 PM   #148
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Re: Pregnancy After Loss (October 1-15)

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that little pouty lip!!

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I had a great 30-week appointment today! I had another ultrasound, mostly to make sure my placenta was no longer low-lying, and it's not. They did a BPP on the (not-so-)little guy, and he had a perfect score. AFI was 16, cervix length 3.7. Baby is measuring a little over a week big, with a large tummy, so the doctor said to walk some more so that I use the sugar instead of baby stealing it all and stashing it in his abdomen, lol. I'd been slacking the past couple of weeks so I need to start that back up again.
for a moving placenta!

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Elena- sorry to hear what you are dealing with. It really sucks that pregnancy is supposed to be such a joy, but for many of us, it's full of anxiety. I think your strategy of waiting till 17 weeks to get a referral for the u/s is a good one. Hope baby starts making his/her presence known on a daily basis soon.

AFM: had an OB appt yesterday. Nothing special just went over what I already knew from the u/s that everything looks good. I'm scheduled to see a specialist on 11/14 for a 12 week nucheal scan. Nothing else going on till then. I hit 8 weeks today and felt really crappy for the first time. All i want to do is lay in bed. In fact that's where I'm going right now...
Thank you. We'll see how things go between now and 17-18 weeks, and, likely, we'll know what's happening by that point and can decide from there.

and for feeling crappy - that's a good sign!
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Old 10-17-2012, 02:06 PM   #149
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Re: Pregnancy After Loss (October 1-15)

I swear, this Babe likes to make me worry. I am sure I'm feeling movement now, right now in fact. It's the wiggles again, but it's higher than it was.
I'm wondering now if the Babe has been moving up, more out of my pelvis, and so instead of feeling the wiggles down against my pelvis (thus without much/any fat blocking them) the movement has been more in my belly (with with some fat in the way) so I've not been feeling things the same/as much.

Does that make any sense at all? I won't talk myself into reasons and excuses and everything being okay, but I'm trying to think of something that makes sense.
What I'm feeling right now is definitely in my belly (low still) versus my pelvis, where everything was before.

OR, maybe this kid just likes to make me worry, and is making darn sure he doesn't get lost in the mix - little does he know!

At any rate, and any reason, THANK YOU JESUS for some wiggles and moving today. I so badly needed this. For the next couple days, anyways, I can be hopeful and happy again.
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Old 10-17-2012, 04:58 PM   #150
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I swear, this Babe likes to make me worry. I am sure I'm feeling movement now, right now in fact. It's the wiggles again, but it's higher than it was.
I'm wondering now if the Babe has been moving up, more out of my pelvis, and so instead of feeling the wiggles down against my pelvis (thus without much/any fat blocking them) the movement has been more in my belly (with with some fat in the way) so I've not been feeling things the same/as much.

Does that make any sense at all? I won't talk myself into reasons and excuses and everything being okay, but I'm trying to think of something that makes sense.
What I'm feeling right now is definitely in my belly (low still) versus my pelvis, where everything was before.

OR, maybe this kid just likes to make me worry, and is making darn sure he doesn't get lost in the mix - little does he know!

At any rate, and any reason, THANK YOU JESUS for some wiggles and moving today. I so badly needed this. For the next couple days, anyways, I can be hopeful and happy again.
That makes sense! When did you start feeling wiggles? I'm so ready for that stage---I'm 8 weeks today!

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