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Old 10-02-2012, 11:38 AM   #1
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How would you deal with this?

My ds is in cub scouts and they are selling popcorn. He was the top seller last year because he worked his butt off. They gave us a hard time. I almost did not let him sell this year, but he LOVES doing it. He has gone out almost everyday and gone door to door and has already sold $1100.
Each scout has a goal of at LEAST $350, but many are not even selling. They have now started the show and sells( where they set out in front of stores as a group) and it is really fun for the boys to be with their friends.
They told me last night that my ds was not allowed to do the show and sells because the other guys would have to share with him. That some of the boys only do the show and sells because it is easier and that is the only way they will make their goal.
My ds was devastated. He cried himself to sleep last night. He made a good point: that he was being penalized and being kept from doing the fun part because he worked hard and did the hard part that others were to lazy to do. That the cub scout motto is to do the best you can do and he is being penalized for doing just that.
They pointed out that other scouts have complained that when they try to go door to door another scout has already sold to them. They blamed my ds for that. My Ds has only gone to ONE neighborhood , OURS! And if we found out another scout lived on that street we left immediately.
The popcorn kernel said parents complained and said I was pushing ds to sell because all I cared about was the prizes. SO not true. He BEGS to go out everyday. He even said that if gets first place again, he wants to give it to another child because he already got it last year. He just loves selling, meeting new people, etc.
She attacked my parenting when I told her that it is not me, that I am quite tired of it, that it is him that wants to do it. She turned it around and said as the parent I tell him what to do, not the other way around( among other things). All I meant was that I was not pushing him, he wants to sell.
I asked the cub scout master on three different occasions if he wanted us to back off, and he said no, we are counting on you guys.
It is all about who's who is this pack and I am not part of the circle. It's like they do not want him to win. It should be about raising the most money we can for the pack to be able to operate, not whining about who is selling the most.
My dh is livid. He wants to contact the council. I think it would embarrass ds if something was said, and I know I would be, but dh has a point. They need to know how they are operating this.
What would you do or say?

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Old 10-02-2012, 12:03 PM   #2
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Re: How would you deal with this?

Is this the first real issue you've had with your pack? If it is, I'd try to let it go. But if things like this crop up often, I'd say it's time to find a new cub scout pack to join instead. I'll admit I hate selling the popcorn. We have 2 boys selling it this year and they have similar minimums. Problem is we live rurally with no neighbors and the lady in charge can't seem to get the on-line selling option to work properly so our only option has been to go to other neighborhoods. Our scouts don't set up outside stores. I think it's silly to say your son can't help though. When I sold things with scouts growing up there were always multiple scouts in your neighborhood and it was just the luck of the draw for who got there first. This experience is not what you should have to deal with so I would speak to someone higher up if things don't change and consider switching to another pack and telling the leaders exactly why you are switching.
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Old 10-02-2012, 12:15 PM   #3
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Re: How would you deal with this?

That seems very much unfair...perhaps say that DS will do a sell and share (since he wants to) and maybe take 25% credit vs his full 50% or whatever? I know that's not really fair to DS but at least he gets to participate?
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Old 10-02-2012, 12:15 PM   #4
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Re: How would you deal with this?

this is rediculous! they are punishing him for having a great work ethic and i can not even believe the way they are treating him. I would not let it go, I would bring it up the chain of command until it was resolved. the boy scouts should be a safe and welcoming environment that teaches good values. this is just the opposite. i would be fuming!
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Old 10-02-2012, 12:17 PM   #5
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Re: How would you deal with this?

this is the second year they have given me a hard time, and last year was his first year in scouts. Last year, the person in charge of taking care of the popcorn for show and sales let us check out popcorn for show and deliver orders. She begged me to take more, saying they were not selling enough at the show and sells. After I sold it all, I was reamed a new one, saying it was not fair to the other scouts. But ANY of them could have checked it out, they chose not to.
I would love to change packs, but there is only one other pack in the county, and they are not as active. I can not even entertain the idea of leaving scouts altogether, as he loves it.
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Old 10-02-2012, 12:20 PM   #6
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Re: How would you deal with this?

why not join the other pack and get involved and encourage them to increase their activity
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Old 10-02-2012, 12:28 PM   #7
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Re: How would you deal with this?

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Originally Posted by iwiamandaiwi View Post
why not join the other pack and get involved and encourage them to increase their activity
that is a good idea, but all of his friends are here. And having asperger's it is quite hard for him to make new friends at times. He has grown up with these boys and most accept him for who he is.
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Old 10-02-2012, 12:33 PM   #8
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Re: How would you deal with this?

This is the most ridiculous thing I have heard. Your ds is raising WAY more money than expected and the pack should be greatful, not resentful. This is horribly childish and petty. I would be fuming and go to the highest person you possibly can. It isn't what you want to do, but I would tell the pack you will be switching packs so you can be a member where you are welcome and thanked for raising so much extra money.
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Old 10-02-2012, 01:18 PM   #9
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I just sent this email to the cub master

Hey. Robbie cried himself to sleep last night when I told him that he could not do show and sales any longer. He brought up a very good point. He said that the cub scout motto is to do your best. And that he was being penalized for doing just that. He is tired of doing door to door sales, and wants to do show and sales with his friends because it is fun. By keeping him from doing that, the scouts are penalizing him for working hard and doing the part that many do not want to do. Now he does not get to do the fun part.
That is teaching him that if you work hard and do your
part, that the ones that slack ( for a lack of a better term, whether it be because they do not want to or can not fit it into their busy schedules), get to take the easy road and have fun, excluding the ones that DID work hard. That is not something that I want to teach him, and I am sure that is not the message that the scouts want to send out either.
I will not be taking him to all of the show and sales, but if wants to go to some, I will be taking him. If any of the parents are upset enough to gossip behind my back about a misconception they may have, please send them to me instead of letting them hide behind Judy.
There is not much Robbie excels at, but this is something that he does, and he is proud of. I am not taking that away from him. It may not seem like a big deal to parents that have kids that excel at many things, but it is to me.
I know that it is hard to read the tone of a written message, but please know that I do not mean this to be nasty or mean in spirit
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Old 10-02-2012, 01:37 PM   #10
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Re: How would you deal with this?

I would find a new group.

It sounds like the parents have their minds made up to be judgemental towards you - that's not fun for anyone.

and I'd let your husband talk to the council.

this is really sad for your little boy.

The only part of your letter that bugged me is the part about this being one of a few things he excels at. I am sure that he excels at tons of things - they may not be the common things that other kids do - but I'm sure he's great - or will be great - in so many areas. It just sounds like you're not giving him credit. I know you don't mean that.. just pointing out - it made me cringe.
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