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Old 10-02-2012, 06:46 PM   #1
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Friend just had a loss...how to discuss my pregnancy?

I have a friend, we were friends in high school, not super close like sleep over variety but we sat together at lunch most every day, Hi! in the hallways (the kind you'd warn about a pop quiz or something...kwim?) Anyway...we reconnected via facebook and chat there and I comment on her statuses a lot, she comments on mine...just usual stuff.

Anyway, she announced 3 weeks ago that she is expecting. I was so happy for her! Then this weekend she was admitted for ruptured membranes...the baby is still holding on right NOW but not expected to make it, she has to make the choice to end treatment.

I haven't told anyone except for here and my very, very best friends...

I don't know what to do here...

If I simply block her from any pregnancy posts and then forget to block one or someone mentions it on another status or something then I'm afraid she'll see it and be hurt.

Should I PM her and let her know privately and give her the option of opting out or blocking me or something?

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Old 10-02-2012, 07:34 PM   #2
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Re: Friend just had a loss...how to discuss my pregnancy?

I wouldn't. Life goes on. I've had a loss as well, and I wouldn't want people to walk on egg shells around me. Yes, it can be hard, but life happens. It's unfortunate for her, but it's a blessing for you. You shouldn't let another person's life happenings determine your excitement or joy.

I'm going to sound heartless for this, and that's fine. It's my honest opinion.
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Old 10-02-2012, 07:43 PM   #3
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Re: Friend just had a loss...how to discuss my pregnancy?

Don't tip-toe or sugar coat anything for anyone. I am saying this from personal experience. One of my best friend found out she was expecting when I found out I was losing. She told me a couple weeks afterwards. It hurt sooo bad. I felt like she shouldn't have told me blah, blah, blah. Well, guess what? I am glad she did. I wasn't left out of the loop and it helped me realize that the world isn't going to stop. I had to heal. I had to cry but I certainly couldn't wish all the pregnancies and babies in the world away. My friend was a good enough friend to tell me personally (but we are close) and not hide things from me. I am so glad. Your friend may be upset and hurt when she hears about pregnancies but they shouldn't be hidden from her. She needs to decide what to do, either share in her friend's happiness or remove herself in whatever way she feels comfortable to, to heal. I guess the point of all this is don't hide things. I would have been more hurt that way.
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Old 10-02-2012, 10:25 PM   #4
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Yeah, what they said! ;-) When I lost my baby, I was still happy for other people. One of my best friends is due the day after I was and it was sometimes hard to see where I would have been but I was happy for her blessing.

Your friend can't be shielded from every pregnant woman. In fact, it will probably feel like to her that everyone she sees is pregnant. She'll deal and heal.

GL! And you are sweet for thinking about how she would feel.

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Old 10-03-2012, 06:48 AM   #5
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Re: Friend just had a loss...how to discuss my pregnancy?

Her little daughter was born alive but immediately passed last night 7.6oz at 19 weeks

When I'm about ready to tell people I'll PM her privately vs letting her find out on a mass status on FB...since it will be so fresh, I'm planning on sharing with the world around 12-weeks (I'm almost 8 now) or after our first OB appt.
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Old 10-03-2012, 07:39 AM   #6
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Re: Friend just had a loss...how to discuss my pregnancy?

Yeah I wouldn't tip toe around her. Last year my very close friend and I were expecting girls together, only a few weeks apart. We were so excited! Then She found out that her baby had triploidy, and wouldn't survive. I struggled with guilt for carrying a healthy baby, but she told me not to. And that she was happy for me. It was of course really hard for her, and my DD is really special to her.
I would in a few weeks privately pm her and tell her that you didn't want her to find out from someone else.
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