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Old 09-13-2012, 07:54 PM   #1
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Kindergarten question

I have a girlfriend I've been talking to all this week about her kindergarten daughter. She takes bus to and from school and this is 2nd week of school.

Monday her daughter gets hit on the bus. She is upset but not hurt, Tuesday am she is fine getting on bus. Tuesday comes and goes and mom asks how school was, daughter says she doesn't want to talk about it. Wednesday comes and mom gets call from principal saying daughter hit, swore, called kids names and didn't listen the whole entire day on Tuesday and she is being written up for a physical incident. So mom takes tv away from her and a few favorite toys and dessert. Talks about why this can't happen again, etc. Today mom gets a 2nd call from principal saying she punched a kid in eye and is getting another write up, 1 more will result in 1 day suspension. Says shes not listening. Focusing. Misbehaving. Calling names. Etc.

Mom is at witts end. She literally doesn't know what to do.

Daughter went to 5 day a week preschool and summer camp. Never had but a few instances of not listening/not keeping hands to self in pre k

Suggestions?

sent from my iPhone. excuse all typos

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Old 09-13-2012, 08:00 PM   #2
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Re: Kindergarten question

Maybe she is having to stand up for herself, since it started on the first day of her getting hit? Not that she should hit back, but it may be the reason for it?
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:14 PM   #3
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Re: Kindergarten question

I have boys with special needs and if your kiddo has an IEP (long plan you make with the school for the child's issues) then you get much better cooperation with the teachers on how to problem solve this. She should see if her daughter can be seen by the school psychologist, school counselor and try to get a meeting so they can figure this out better.

The mom needs a lot more specific information than this. Try to figure out what is going well at school.

With my experience preschool has a much better ratio of teachers to kids so the teachers can intervene faster. In kinder it is not like that. Also, I think teachers are much stricter in the beginning.

Can they look at a reward program if she makes it an hour without hitting or if they catch her in a similar predicament and she doesn't hit?

I don't know how comfortable the mom would be with something like this but I wonder if she'd be willing to say we think she needs an IEP at school and we are making appointments to get us a diagnosis to help us with that. IEPs are a lot of work for a school so hopefully they would be willing to make some kind of plan right now. If she hasn't had any other problems I wouldn't think her dd actually needs a diagnosis or an IEP.

I've always had the power of IEPs and being able to call meetings when I need to, can't imagine if I didn't. The school psychologist can do some testing. Oh, or ask for an OT, I think it is all sensory Take whatever help you can get. Once you get some specialists I think she will get more of a team effort trying to address the issues.
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Last edited by Suzi; 09-14-2012 at 05:46 AM.
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Old 09-13-2012, 08:19 PM   #4
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Re: Kindergarten question

My suggestion is to go and meet with the teacher and the principal in person. Ask them what their plan is to help get her through the day. If things aren't better in a couple days, pull her and wait a year or try a different school.
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:59 PM   #5
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Re: Kindergarten question

I really feel there is more to this story than anyone seems to know. 5yr old girls don't go around swearing and hitting people. Surely the school realizes that?

If mom can't find out what is going on, I'd ask the school to have a teacher/counselor sit down and get to the bottom of it with the dd. I would probably spend a day in the classroom to see how things go for myself.
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Old 09-13-2012, 11:07 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by isabelsmummy
I really feel there is more to this story than anyone seems to know. 5yr old girls don't go around swearing and hitting people. Surely the school realizes that?

If mom can't find out what is going on, I'd ask the school to have a teacher/counselor sit down and get to the bottom of it with the dd. I would probably spend a day in the classroom to see how things go for myself.
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Old 09-14-2012, 06:34 AM   #7
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Re: Kindergarten question

Mom definitely needs to schedule a meeting with teachers and/or principal. Something sounds "off" about all this, particularly if the child has never acted out in this way before.
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Old 09-14-2012, 09:28 AM   #8
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Re: Kindergarten question

Quote:
Originally Posted by isabelsmummy View Post
I really feel there is more to this story than anyone seems to know. 5yr old girls don't go around swearing and hitting people. Surely the school realizes that?
I agree... though I don't see why you differentiate between boys and girls - a 5yr old boy does do this? Not normal either. No 5yr old should be acting this way.

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Originally Posted by NYCVeg View Post
Mom definitely needs to schedule a meeting with teachers and/or principal. Something sounds "off" about all this, particularly if the child has never acted out in this way before.


Well, to a certain extent. Some 5yr olds (whether girls or boys, really doesn't and shouldn't matter) do act like this, but there's something else going on - either she's doing this to get attention, or something more is going on (she feels threatened in some way, or possibly learning/social difficulties).
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Old 09-14-2012, 09:44 AM   #9
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Re: Kindergarten question

Sounds like she is being really defensive for some reason. Mom is got to find out why. Is she scared now on the bus etc or in class. Could be learning and social difficulties as pp said.

I feel that often certain behaviour isn't noticed (by parent) until they hit mainstream schooling and then the teachers tend to point it out. Everyone has their own idea of normal behavious, but when in a group of 20 etc it becomes more apparant. I can't tell you how many kids I know that would have a similar story, not so much the hitting though, more just getting in trouble as they have not learned(or cannot) to control their actions yet.

Sometimes I feel sorry for kiddo's like this who are just rambunctious etc and get into trouble as it's hard to control themselves, but they try - not talking about the hitting, but not listening etc. Because that gets better with age.

Has anything changed at home?

I would also suggest that mom might drive her to school and see if that helps. It's common to do that for kindy students here. Or if not then check with bus driver. Ours now has assigned seating, the younger kids sit up front. Ask the driver if anyone is bothering her.
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Old 09-14-2012, 09:56 AM   #10
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Re: Kindergarten question

Get her off the bus at the start of the day. If the bus is where it starts to go downhill, eliminate it so she can get to school and start off on the right foot.

And meet with teacher and principal to figure things out for this girl.
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