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Old 10-03-2012, 06:05 PM   #1
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Update
The teacher called me. Jordan was not even supposed to bring it home, and he was not necessarily one of the trouble makers. She kept saying "3 or 4 kids get out of control and the rest of the class will quickly follow." She wanted to make it clear that would not be tolerated and did a few minutes of them having to copy it down. I did get her email address for the future and I let her know a little of why I was concerned about such a drastic change in his personality. She said, "Jordan is quiet and doesn't cause any trouble. I'm not worried about him."

I didn't say anything about the Fine comment. Part of me thinks it didn't happen now that I've talked to her. Jordan knows I'm on the same page as his teacher, but that I will listen to him if he has something to say, so all is well.
-------------

This morning, I saw a handwritten note in my son's back pack. It said:

"Disrespectful Language
I got in trouble today for using disrespectful language. As a result, I have to copy this paper. I don't enjoy having to copy this paper."

So of course, my first thought is WTF?!?!?! That is totally out of my son's character so I needed to get to the bottom of this.

So I confront him and he just bursts out in tears, drops his bowl of cereal and everything. (I said, "Jordan, what is this?" he's just a sensitive boy.)

Apparently, the "class" was being loud and disrespectful to the teacher and all were punished by having to write this letter to their parents. However, my son said he wasn't being disrespectful or loud but had to write the note because she made the entire class do it.

Anyway, I wrote on the paper:

"Ms Teacher,
Please contact me about this. Jordan said he was not using disrespectful language and was in tears explaining to me about getting in trouble for something he didn't do. He said this was a class punishment that everyone had to do, so I need clarification before addressing this behavior at home."

Her response when he showed her the letter was, "Fine."

?!?!?!?

So, how would you have handled this situation? What would you make of the teacher's response? I just told Jordan not to worry about it and to let me know if it happens again where he's punished for something he didn't do. I do understand the whole punishing the class (though I hate it because I was seriously the kid that never got in trouble on my own but always got group punishments) but at the same time, I was ready to ban him from his video games for 2 weeks because of this.

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Old 10-03-2012, 06:24 PM   #2
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Re: How would you handle this?

Honestly, thinking about the school my son goes to, and the teachers/authority there... I would take it straight to the school board. Her answer was disrespectful and childish, to say the least.

Now, in REAL life... (lol) I would send her an email. I would re-explain to her that the response gave me no real idea of what was going on, and didn't give me anymore information than I previously had when I wrote the note.

If nothing is done from there, I would go to the principal and ask for a different teacher.

I take my son's (all of them) educations very seriously. If I suspect that the teacher is going to treat my child differently because they are upset with me, I will yank/move them in a heartbeat. I've done this before.

Now... I HATE HATE HATE HATE the school my kids are in. Unfortunately, we can't move right now. They failed all of their testing/requirements last year (the school did), and I would move my kids in a heartbeat if they didn't make it so much trouble.
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Old 10-03-2012, 06:24 PM   #3
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Re: How would you handle this?

Poor guy. I would be irrate but I'm not sure what I would do, if anything this time. I don't agree with "group punishment" at all. It kinda sounds like the teacher was at a loss on how to get the class to settle down so she threw this out. If this, or something like it, happens again I'd definitely talk to her.

I'd make sure to tell your ds that you'll always listen to what he has to say, that you won't be mad at him just because of someone else's word on something. Even though this incident probably communicated that to him, I'd probably still tell him.

Last edited by threelittlehoneys; 10-03-2012 at 06:27 PM.
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Old 10-03-2012, 06:26 PM   #4
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Re: How would you handle this?

"Fine", as in, she plans to contact you? Or fine as in Jordan isn't in trouble after all?
If I were mom in this scenario, I would give the teacher 24 hours to contact me, and if I didn't hear from her by then, I would call or email her again asking for clarification.
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Old 10-03-2012, 06:29 PM   #5
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Re: How would you handle this?

If she only responded "fine" to your note and did not give you an explanation then she is not being fair. I feel like you as a parent have a right to discuss any disciplinary action that is taken with your child (in a group setting or individually). I would probably not address any further, nothing will come of it. Just make sure as you already did that your son knows he can talk to you if this happens again and at the point i would be asking to speak with administration. ,I have a sensitive boy too, and it breaks my heart to see him upset.
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Old 10-03-2012, 06:33 PM   #6
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Re: How would you handle this?

Yes, he gave her the letter and she said "fine".

I think it means fine, she will contact you.

Its just from today, right?
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Old 10-03-2012, 06:35 PM   #7
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I would contact her if she wrote fine. As a teacher myself, sometimes things slip my mind.

And maybe she has gotten slack from other parents feeling the same way. And is trying to figure out how to better handle the situation next time.

Sorry this stinks, but it could have been worsen
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Old 10-03-2012, 06:37 PM   #8
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Re: How would you handle this?

So my first thought was that you handled it fine.

Then I thought some more and figured that the teacher had already given the class their punishment and that the case was closed in her mind. So maybe, I would have just reminded DS that sometimes the entire class gets punished even when some kids aren't misbehaving. Maybe, just let him know that I expect him to only use respectful language and to make sure that he keeps his nose clean, so to speak.

And then keep my eye open for any other news. Perhaps email the teacher and tell her to let you know personally if she has any behavior issues with your child in the future.

I HATED it when the entire class would get punished. HATED it. I was (am?) a goodie two shoes who tried her best to be a rule follower and please the teachers. But I got to the point where I was able to differentiate between my own personal guilt/innocence and having to "take one for the team."
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Old 10-03-2012, 06:40 PM   #9
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Re: How would you handle this?

First of all........ for Jordan. I have a sensitive boy so I know EXACTLY how you and he feel.

Second....you handled the situation VERY well. I am flabbergasted by her response. I would be making a phone call to her and if you can't get in touch with her or she has a similar [horrible] response I would be talking to (either by phone or in person) to the principle.

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Old 10-03-2012, 06:44 PM   #10
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Re: How would you handle this?

Poor guy!! At least now you know to be aware that things with this teacher might be a a little more difficult. Also, your son knows that you are on his side and to come to you right away if something is upsetting him. So often kids keep things inside because they think they will get in more trouble.
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