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Old 10-05-2012, 07:23 AM   #11
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Re: Basically it's Friday!

I know $3.15 doesn't sound like much, but when you do approximately 20 days a month times three kids...that's $189 a month. I just can't do that. Especially when they don't eat it all anyway.

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Old 10-05-2012, 07:32 AM   #12
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Re: Basically it's Friday!

I know what you are saying, Ru, but it's different when she's at home versus at school. Her behavior is disrespectful to the teachers, interrupts class time, and at times risks the safety of students. It's not just being annoying, LOL. She has to have consequences because she won't do it simply because she is supposed to. We still go through the discussions of what is appropriate behavior and why, and how her behavior breaks the rules of the school. But without consequences there is no change. That's not to say there aren't positive consequences for good behavior too, but in her mind, she pushes boundaries to see if she can do what she wants to do that is against the rules and get away with it.
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Old 10-05-2012, 07:34 AM   #13
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Re: Basically it's Friday!

Jen it makes my heart happy that you were able to help that little girl.
I have kids clothes packed, my clothes packed,chores and dishes done. Now to clean the whole house, double check the packing, pack diversionary items like electronics, snacks, coloring books, load the truck...and go to town to watch the big girls walk in the homecoming parade. Each class walks together. Then Lydia and I will rush home, and try and get horses loaded on the trailer before the bus gets here and the big girls are home.
Bella is doing horribly at school. Not because she isn't smart enough, but because she apparently doesn't care. She won't tell her teacher if she doesn't understand a question/assignment, won't write down her assignments like she is supposed to, is extremely lazy (sloppy writing, losing homework, not using complete sentences). I have talked to her ad nauseum about it and had a phone call with her teacher. I basically told her teacher not to cut her any slack and to push her hard because that is the only way she does anything. Not to mistake her for not knowing these skills or being able to comprehend.
The fan on my puter sounds like a wood chipper.
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Old 10-05-2012, 07:44 AM   #14
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Re: Basically it's Friday!

I went through the same phase about a year older than Bella, Jess. Stopped turning in assignments, etc. And the teacher was not especially supportive to my mother's concerns, said that I was old enough to be responsible for my own homework and so forth, she wasn't going to send home a syllabus or anything for Mom to be able to follow up on. Then ironically the next year at middle school, they instituted a school-wide program where we had to use planners to write in our assignments and our parents had to sign them every week.

I can tell you Rosie struggles with keeping up with her papers and assignments, and she's Bella's age. She has lost her spelling word list twice already this year. But her class got a planner donated to them, and while it's not required she was really excited about it and has been writing most of her stuff in there so it has been easier for me to figure out if she's missing stuff. Maybe if you got Bella a cool planner or notebook to write stuff in, it would help?
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Old 10-05-2012, 07:49 AM   #15
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Well, they have a planner. The teacher has a dry erase panel that is an exact BIG copy of each day in their planner and she writes their assignments on it, and they are supposed to copy it exactly each day. She doesn't do it. There is a spot for teacher/parents to initial so we both know that she is doing it. I told her if she doesn't do it next week that I would be emailing Mrs. Ketz about instituting that policy. And that it would embarrass me greatly to have to baby sit my 4th grader over something so simple.
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Old 10-05-2012, 07:55 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by ruvalokiteshvara View Post
I don't know about any one else, Cheryl, but whenI get indications that E is annoying the carp out of me because his brain doesn't know how NOT to, I feel at least a little bit better knowing I still have time to lay the proper groundwork while his brain is catching up to me! The hard thing is remembering not to fall into the escalating cycle of consequences and frustration, knowing that it actually serves no purpose other than to put us at odds with each other!

That's what we live with too. It helps us a lot to know their behaviour is not done with malicious intent. It really does make a massive difference in how we handle a situation if we can remember that....and it's not always easy to remember.

And like you say not punishing all the time too because it does nothing but make everyone angry.


Derry and I visited a friend yesterday who's sons are both ADHD. They are a bit further behind on their meds-setup than we are and consequently their oldest son is under-medicated at the moment.

She told us that her oldest was caught at 9:45pm with his NDS playing in bed and was given an instant ban of all electronic games until Christmas! I was horrified. That's far too long to punish such a little thing. No warning, now way to make it good again. Nope, the ban stands and that's it.

That's no way to go about things especially with an ADHD kid that was most defiantly not medicated at all at that time of night. He was not responsible for his actions in that moment and shouldn't be punished so harshly....but she says she has to stick by her husband and uphold the punishment or risk making him look like a nothing in the eyes of their children.

It's hard Cheryl....I think I'd have to treat Ginger as if she was ADHD if she were my child. Then look at the behaviour and consequences in a different way because if she's not responsible than the punishment has to be different. Yes, still punish dangerous behaviour and limit things but such long limits make no sense to an ADHD kid because they cant remember what happened to cause the punishment in the first place and so they learn nothing from it.
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Old 10-05-2012, 07:56 AM   #17
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Re: Basically it's Friday!

Love it, Jess. Rosie is also highly motivated by not being embarrassed by her mother. (Me dancing in house. Her: Mom, when my friends come over, can you not dance like that? ) I only wish that worked on Ginger. I don't think she has EVER been embarrassed in her life. And while I think it's awesome she is totally unaffected by peer pressure, the flip side is she doesn't have capacity for empathy either. Right now anyway. They tell me it will come, that it can be learned, it just takes longer with her.
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Old 10-05-2012, 08:11 AM   #18
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Re: Basically it's Friday!

Yeah, Janine, I'm beginning to see that approach may have to be. I generally don't favor long bans on stuff at this age because like you said, it is not effective. But I've noticed her behavior is worse when she plays or watches her sibs play Wii a lot, so I'm kind of killing two birds with one stone ATM by keeping her off it for the rest of the month. Right now not letting her attend events as a consequence of really bad behavior seems to be highly motivating. I also told her this morning, get through the whole day without any issues, and we can discuss positive consequences she can earn in some sort of structured plan. Probably go back to the top ten list, that seemed to work well before.

It's difficult. I know what her weaknesses are:
Transitioning from one activity she really likes to another.
Not being chosen/called on/etc for some special significance, even if it's minor.
Losing a competition or game.
Feeling the need for "payback" for injustices she feels were done to her, and taking those matters into her own hands. This is a new one, and I'm pretty sure it has to do with something she read in a book - probably Captain Underpants, but it might be one of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid knockoffs.

So obviously she has plenty of opportunity to practice this stuff at home, especially since she has siblings. I can curb her behavior at home more easily because I know her weaknesses, can spot the triggers, and redirect the behavior with teaching moments before it gets out of hand. In a school setting, particularly with teachers she doesn't see every day (playground monitors, the music/art/gym/spanish teachers, etc) they don't know this, can't anticipate this, and even if they could have way too many other kids to watch to really be able to do what I do at home. They are at a disadvantage, for sure.
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Old 10-05-2012, 09:15 AM   #19
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Lydia and I are brunching currently. I got netflix loaded on the iPad but can't figure out how to make the dish app work. The netflix should suffice as long as too many people aren't using it simultaneously. I have ebooks loaded on the iPad too via the library. I am not overly impressed with the look of kids books on the overdrive app and am wondering how nook kids would look, but am too cheap to buy them Cheryl, I will just log in with your info, ok? Then call Ian and tell him what I want him to buy
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Old 10-05-2012, 09:41 AM   #20
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Yeah, Janine, I'm beginning to see that approach may have to be. I generally don't favor long bans on stuff at this age because like you said, it is not effective. But I've noticed her behavior is worse when she plays or watches her sibs play Wii a lot, so I'm kind of killing two birds with one stone ATM by keeping her off it for the rest of the month. Right now not letting her attend events as a consequence of really bad behavior seems to be highly motivating. I also told her this morning, get through the whole day without any issues, and we can discuss positive consequences she can earn in some sort of structured plan. Probably go back to the top ten list, that seemed to work well before.

It's difficult. I know what her weaknesses are:
Transitioning from one activity she really likes to another.
Not being chosen/called on/etc for some special significance, even if it's minor.
Losing a competition or game.
Feeling the need for "payback" for injustices she feels were done to her, and taking those matters into her own hands. This is a new one, and I'm pretty sure it has to do with something she read in a book - probably Captain Underpants, but it might be one of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid knockoffs.

So obviously she has plenty of opportunity to practice this stuff at home, especially since she has siblings. I can curb her behavior at home more easily because I know her weaknesses, can spot the triggers, and redirect the behavior with teaching moments before it gets out of hand. In a school setting, particularly with teachers she doesn't see every day (playground monitors, the music/art/gym/spanish teachers, etc) they don't know this, can't anticipate this, and even if they could have way too many other kids to watch to really be able to do what I do at home. They are at a disadvantage, for sure.
Could she maybe earn a 15 minute play slot on the wii (or whatever) by good behaviour despite being on the ban. The ban would stand because she doesn't have unlimited time or as much as her siblings but she still gets the highly sought after reward which would really encourage good behaviour.

With the thing about dishing out punishments for injustices...we deal with that one A LOT here too. They all tend hit each other for whatever they think was wrong. I've taken a different route to this than most would because we all know telling tales isn't good and shouldn't be done. But I encourage it.

I told the kids I AM THE BOSS OF EVERYTHING. What I say goes. If something has happened that is wrong you come to me and I will deal with it. It is not down to anyone other than me to deal with it. If you pass out punishment yourself you'll be punished harder than the person who did xyz wrong....that person will still be dealt with but only what's appropriate for what had happened. Not for taking the law into their own hands.

It means I have to deal with a lot of Mummy she wont let me/took my xyz/pushed me/hit me/etc but it's helping them because slowly they are leaning to handle before hitting.

Would it help if Ginger took note and talked to you about the things she thought were wrong rather than dealing with it. That's be better than telling tales in school and making herself very unpopular. Derry used to tell us a lot of things that happened in school that she thought was bad and we'd talk about why they did whatever it was and what they should have done. It helped her a lot.

Electric bans for the day don't happen much now...they used to be a lot but hardly ever now.

We do have things that have some consistent consequences like if they girls aren't ready for bed, have their lunch box/bag in the kitchen and their clothes in the wash/bedroom tidy...they cant watch their kiddie program at 7pm

If they want to see the 2 programs after the 7pm kiddie program they have to be in bed, lights off in the mornings. That happens so rarely that it's a miracle if it ever happens. They managed it once this week but it's the first time in a VERY long time!

When I have to send them to bed without their programs they fussy and complain but I ignore it. If I was to react to all of their bad behaviour it'd be a battle to get through the day. Picking the battles is important.

If you made it through that lot
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