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Old 09-03-2012, 11:32 AM   #1
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MIL talking my ear off re weaning :(

My daughter is 21 months old. We came for the first time to visit my in-laws in Russia for 3 weeks. The mil is opinionated and worries about everyone. Usually I felt very fortunate to have her as a mil because we actually got along great and never had any issues (plus she lives half way across the world). But ever since my dd turned 1 she has been on my case to wean her. She says that it's not good for the child, she is spoiled, clingy and bf is now a drug to her etc etc. Dd is extremely clingy to me here and usually when I'm home because she misses me, and screams if anyone offers to hold her but me if i am here and constantly always wants to be in my arms, even at home where the nanny is shocked how different she is when I'm around. This started when i returned to work at one yr old. Mil attributes it to bf rather than dd missing her mom. we have Skype calls weekly. I could bear the once every two weeks two minute lecture talk but ever since coming here (been here a week, 10 days to go) she has been on my case EVERY time I bf which is like 4 times max a day because dd is in stress mode from all the travel. Before she was down to two times a day. Plus she just got a cold and has a sore throat and wont eat much since it hurts but mil again thinks its because she wants the boob and not the food. I specifically wanted to wean her in October after coming back and starting daycare to ease her in and not cause additional stress for her during our trip plus getting used to new daycare. I asked my dh to support me but of course he now listens to mom and also tells me once a day "may be you should wean her now... Mom said... Mom thinks..." I am now starting to resent bf dd because I fear mil walking in, catching us and starting the lecture again. I am so much worried that i actually started to explain my reasons to everyone else as if it's any of their business. I told the both of them (dh and mil) off this afternoon to leave me alone and that I am weaning her in October and she started again just now (it's 11pm so she lasted about 6 hrs).
What can i do? I am so frustrated. How do I last 10 days and not start to wean by being pressured into it? And not have a huge fight preferably...
Sorry cry of the soul here... Thx

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Old 09-03-2012, 11:38 AM   #2
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Re: MIL talking my ear off re weaning :(

"I appreciate your concern. I can see how much you care about (insert grandchild name here" however this topic is not up for discussion" Then get up and leave the area. Say it kindly but firmly. Just keep repeating the SAME EXACT simple phrase. I am sorry you are not able to enjoy your trip more.
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Old 09-03-2012, 11:47 AM   #3
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Read the link and feel better. I may just google translate the page and show her if it gets bad...

http://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/

I KNOW it helps dd because she got over her cold a LOT faster - she is almost out of it after only 3 days but I expect to be sick for a full week (I picked it up from her). I keep forgetting about all the benefits while being lectured, since I tend to care about the opinions of others too much.

Oh she says there is absolutely no benefit etc etc.

I'll also try to push back like saying I'm staying firm on this, not up for discussion.

Btw your girl is adorable
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Old 09-03-2012, 04:39 PM   #4
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Re: MIL talking my ear off re weaning :(

When you have a clingy child, people will blame it on anything. I was talking to a mom that said that she is afraid to carry her baby in a carrier this time because her last baby was too clingy. She might have said she would wean earlier if she had nursed for more than a few months, who knows?
There's no telling why she is the way she is; it's probably a personality thing. But it's not a good reason to wean, and it probably won't help the fact that she misses you; it might make it worse, really.
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Old 09-03-2012, 04:39 PM   #5
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Re: MIL talking my ear off re weaning :(

When you have a clingy child, people will blame it on anything. I was talking to a mom that said that she is afraid to carry her baby in a carrier this time because her last baby was too clingy. She might have said she would wean earlier if she had nursed for more than a few months, who knows?
There's no telling why she is the way she is; it's probably a personality thing. But it's not a good reason to wean, and it probably won't help the fact that she misses you; it might make it worse, really.
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Old 09-06-2012, 08:08 AM   #6
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Re: MIL talking my ear off re weaning :(

Stand your ground, Mama - remember, what is important is what's best for your baby, not what others think. Weaning a baby who doesn't want to wean is stressful for the baby - she doesn't need the added stress of doing it in a strange environment and when she's sick.
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Old 09-11-2012, 07:49 AM   #7
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Thanks ladies just a couple days left and I've been hiding more when I bf her so mil has gotten off my back except saying "well she was eating much better when you were gone for 2 days and not bf her" - true but she was also recovering from being sick and she always eats like crazy then, which is what i told her and it has nothing to do with me bf her.
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Old 10-06-2012, 09:12 PM   #8
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Re: MIL talking my ear off re weaning :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by MDever View Post
"I appreciate your concern. I can see how much you care about (insert grandchild name here" however this topic is not up for discussion" Then get up and leave the area. Say it kindly but firmly. Just keep repeating the SAME EXACT simple phrase. I am sorry you are not able to enjoy your trip more.
This.

My own mother tries to tell me how "messed up" and "gross" it is to BF a child over the age of one. My son is 21 months and still nursing 6-8 times a day. I have no plan to wean right now. If we get close to his third birthday, maybe. But right now, no plans to unless *he* wants to.

I also make sure to point out to my mom that every other developed country suggests BFing for at *least* two years. (we are in the US)

ETA: I think you may just have a "high needs child" (a nice way to say clingy) and that is just going to her style for right now. Nothing wrong with that!

And I am so thankful that with my breastmilk as a bolster to his system, my son has only been sick once and any little "bug" he has had otherwise has only lasted a day or two. When he is being a picky eater - I know that my breastmilk fills in the gaps in his diet. Just keep doing what you are doing - you are a great mom and doing what is best for your child.
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Old 10-06-2012, 09:46 PM   #9
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I have a know-it-all MIL who I see at least weekly My advice....dont engage with her, dont explain to her, dont give her a say. "Thanks for your concern. My child, my body and none of your business. I wont discuss this with you again!"
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Old 10-12-2012, 06:26 PM   #10
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So we are back home now and dh all of a sudden decided HE's had enough and we are weaning. Wtf? DD is completely against and is demanding it (we only bf 2 times a day) and I am miserable. Yet no matter what either of us says we are weaning and that's the end of the story because she's just using me a a pacifier (he says). I am so frigging mad you have no idea. Ok may be you do
I know dd is 22m but she's not ready and I didn't want to pressure her. Ugghhh. Not a happy mama.
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