Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-05-2012, 12:27 PM   #31
jen_batten's Avatar
jen_batten
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 7,949
Re: WWYD... overweight friend and new furniture...

I'm totally going to be keeping my eye on this thread. And I feel your pain, OP. FIL is morbidly obese. Obviously we can't just never invite him over. But I cringe when he goes to sit on any of the furniture. He broke my "Mama chair." It was a rocker I got just for nursing the LOs. I don't want to be rude about it, but I don't know how to appropriately address the situation. We are small people. DH is the biggest, and he only weighs 140. We have small people furniture. We can't afford (and don't need) a new set of furniture to hold 500 pounds. rock: me :hardplace.

Advertisement

jen_batten is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2012, 12:34 PM   #32
the_oz_girl
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 969
My Mood:
Re: WWYD... overweight friend and new furniture...

I'm not nearly as heavy as Bob. I'm pushing 300 though, and have been treacherous to most outdoor/camping type chairs for the last 100 or so pounds. I'm mortally embarrassed about breaking furniture, and have done so to handmade items that can't be replaced without a lot of labor. I opt for the floor or the ground often to avoid it. Please, be honest with Bob. Tell him you're concerned for the furniture and ask him to bring something of his own. A grown woman should have no problems finding a calm, polite-as-possible delivery of her concerns over his safety, as a breaking chair could injure him just as easily as the steps that are questionable.

Get some 2"x6"s and some plywood to make a temp ramp for everyone's safety, but include the 2x6s because if he's that big plywood may not be sturdy enough. Ask him to bring a chair. If he doesn't have a chair when he shows up, have something nicer for him to sit on, on the ground or floor, if you don't already have something sturdy enough for him on hand. A nicer rug or blanket, something that won't get damp from the ground when he sits but can be laundered. Plan it out so he won't be excluded from the conversations and stuff if he's sitting on the ground to be nice, but be honest and ask him to not use your chairs at all or to not try the rest if he breaks one.
__________________
Dorothy> and Hank> , proud parents to Bob> <Bill
ISO my sanity.
Did I mention that I've misplaced my sanity?
the_oz_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2012, 01:43 PM   #33
Kiliki's Avatar
Kiliki
Registered Users
Formerly: kr***y
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 9,396
Re: WWYD... overweight friend and new furniture...

Quote:
Originally Posted by danner View Post
Wait a second. Your friend knows he's heavy. Just tell him he's been breaking your chairs and he has to sit in the metal fold up one or whatever. We had a very heavy friend who we used to game with and we had a rolling desk chair that worked for him.

The fact that he's heavy is obvious. Just deal with it honestly. Why beat around the bush or wince when he sits down? Work with him to find a solution.
Unfortunately not everyone would be so happy to hear a person say out loud that they are "heavy" --- even if they know it.

OP - I feel really awful for you AND your friend.

I am not overweight and never have been, but I grew up in a family of obese people, and I have seen the pain it can cause someone to be obese. While breaking your furniture is crappy and really irritating to you, it can be crushingly depressing and amazingly awkward to someone who is obese and is responsible for breaking it. What could they even say? "Uh, your chair broke." or "Um, do you have anything sturdier?" Makes sense to most people, but not always to someone who is morbidly obese and already feels like they aren't worth the poop you scrape off the bottom of your shoe.

there is no easy solution, I really hope you get something figured out.
Kiliki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2012, 01:54 PM   #34
Emmett's Mommy's Avatar
Emmett's Mommy
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: VA
Posts: 1,296
Quote:
Originally Posted by happysmileylady
Wait, he broke your chairs but didn't offer to pay for them? I don't care how he broke them, whether he was too big or wehther is drove a 4-wheeler into them an smashed them, if he broke the chairs he should pay to replace them. If my kid jumps on the couch and busts the springs, I offer to replace it, this is no different.
This! That's ridiculous to break that many chairs and not offer help in replacing them! I'm the type person, I would say something...in a nice way, but would certainly get out that I was upset and expected help with new ones.
Tell your love he needs to take charger on that once you won't be going.
If my child, or probably any family member I took with me somewhere, broke someone else's...anything, I would def offer to replace!
__________________
Jennifer, proud single mama of Emmett (5), and Miss Ryan Elise (1-2-12)!
Emmett's Mommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2012, 02:45 PM   #35
wordmama's Avatar
wordmama
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,784
My Mood:
Hey wait - what about a bean bag chair!! Cheap, comfy and can support any weight!

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum
__________________
~*Lucy*~
Loving wife and a devoted mama to 13: three in my arms
(Hayden, Felicity and Teagan), and ten in heaven.
Check out my blog, focusing on the wisdom of wee ones.
wordmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2012, 04:19 PM   #36
threelittlehoneys's Avatar
threelittlehoneys
formerly R***and**********
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 7,007
Re: WWYD... overweight friend and new furniture...

That's sad. And a sucky position to be in. I agree with the post below..... and because of that I also agree with the PPer who mentioned uninviting him. I think that's the best option, because if he doesn't respect your property enough to sit on the deck/bring his own chair/at the least replace your old ones, then why does he deserve the benefit of camping with you?
But that's easier said than done. So, instead, I would probably get a specific sturdy chair for himfor this trip, and make sure to not invite him in the future.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
Wait, he broke your chairs but didn't offer to pay for them? I don't care how he broke them, whether he was too big or wehther is drove a 4-wheeler into them an smashed them, if he broke the chairs he should pay to replace them. If my kid jumps on the couch and busts the springs, I offer to replace it, this is no different.
threelittlehoneys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2012, 04:22 PM   #37
keen1981's Avatar
keen1981
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 12,360
I think since your DH invited him, knowing the situation, you gotta suck it up
__________________
BFing, CDing, all natural mama to three boys! Certified lactation Counselor
keen1981 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2012, 04:24 PM   #38
Only's Avatar
Only
Registered Users
Formerly: hu**rees
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 8,984
I know a lot of people say to confront him harshly, but if he's normally a genuinely good guy and friend I'd pick my battles.
__________________
"You think that true love is the only thing that can crush your heart;
that will take your life and light it up or destroy it.
Then, you become a mother."

Austen 06/12
Only is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2012, 04:29 PM   #39
escapethevillage's Avatar
escapethevillage
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 8,351
My Mood:
Re: WWYD... overweight friend and new furniture...

Well, I asked my husband to leave an hour early, and rearrange the furniture a bit... he is going up to take the old patio chair out of the shed, and put one of the new ones away.

Then, I asked him to move the lazy boy to a comfortable, user friendly spot, and move his own chair to the less user friendly spot. So, Bob will naturally sit in those spots. He's going to tell him "I got this out for you, since it's easier to sit in."
__________________
escapethevillage is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2012, 04:35 PM   #40
pumkinsmommy's Avatar
pumkinsmommy
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 6,481
My Mood:
Re: WWYD... overweight friend and new furniture...

As an obese person I am very mindful of the furniture anywhere I go. I have never broken anything. If I did I would have offered to replace/repair it asap. I suggest getting one of those chairs that can hold a lot of weight for him. I got one at costco, it folds and doesn't hurt my knees from it sinking down in the middle. I take it with me when I need to sit outside at someones house or something like that. If you invite someone to your house they have to have a place to sit. I would talk with him about it rather than not invite him. Having all the furniture break should not be an option. In addition to his weight, it could be that he has a hard time getting up and therefore puts a lot of pressure on the furniture when doing so. I don't know anyone who has broken furniture because of their weight though.
__________________
Theresa - sahm to sweet, baby(big girl ) Caroline who was born on 1-23-07 after her mommy dreamed of her for a lifetime

Last edited by pumkinsmommy; 10-05-2012 at 07:08 PM.
pumkinsmommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.