Do you ever feel judged regarding not circumcising?

[qsefthuko]

I have been judged for many things. Cloth diapers, breastfeeding, co sleeping, non or delayed vaxing but never not circing. In my WIC group the WIC ladies are anti circ. They do make mention of this to those who show up as well. I did fell bad for one mama. We were at WIC's breastfeeding mamas meeting.(breastfeeding month)There were 3 boys present. Mine and two others. One boy was circed. For some reason circing was brought up. The WIC woman commented how there was no medical need for circing. This mama mentioned she circed because it was cleaner and easier to care for. She was promptly told differently. As she was in the minority I could see she was feeling uncomfortable.

[qsefthuko]

Oh yeah I forgot family. I mentioned to my brother in law the lack of need for circing. I was chewed out quite thoroughly. I then did research to present to my pro circing husband. By the time we had our son 5 years later all his family new without question he would not be circed.

My side of the family is all anti circ. My mother made it a point to show all of her children a video of a circ being performed. She also told us about my brothers botched circ. My older 2 brothers were circed. My youngest is not. Those from my mother that is. My other 5 brothers I have no idea if they are circed or not. I have no plans on asking.

[blackbirdmama*3]

I have felt judged because I have been judged. I had a co-worker tell me that I have completely killed any chances of my boys having a girl willing to marry them and that it was completely disgusting that I did not have them circed. She told me they will stink and when a girl laughs at them for smelling bad it will be my fault. I told her I was sorry that she must have had a bad experience with a man that had bad hygiene. My dh is intact and I have never noticed any such thing. I have another friend who circed her son because she says it reduces the risk of contracting STD's. We are teaching our children to protect themselves and I have seen both intact and circed patients (I am a nurse) with STD's so that wasn't enough of a reason to me.

[waterisntsomething]

Originally Posted by Shaunam Just because I feel it is mutliation doesn't mean I'm harshly judging every parent that chooses circ. I believe it is mutilation by definition. You can't compare it to breast removal. Usually there's a medical reason for that, and it's done on a consenting adult! I believe most people who circ don't really understand what a foreskin is and why it's there, but it isn't necessarily their fault. Doctors are mostly to blame. They are the ones who keep doing it (without informed consent, at that), even though it's ethically wrong. I believe it is mutilation. I don't think parents who choose it are bad parents, though I don't agree that the choice they made was a good one. Clear as mud? It's a society thing. We aren't supposed to judge parents who choose male circ, but if it were foot binding, female circ, tattooing, extreme piercing, scarification, etc our "judgement" would be fine and dandy. How come? What makes it ok in some cases, but not in others? It's because what's done in THIS society we are supposed to accept. Well, that's not a good enough reason for me. What makes our society more "humane" than a society that practices scarification? Why can we cut half a baby's penis skin off and think it's fine, but turn around and talk about other societies and say, "ugh I can't believe they mutilate their children like that". Pot, meet kettle. I think people use the "but you're judging us!" argument to try and make me be "ok" with male circ. I won't ever be ok with it. I will never believe it should be a parental choice. I will not "agree to disagree". Yes, I judge. Everyone does. But getting all whiny and telling me I'm being judgemental is kind of dumb. We're talking about removing functional tissue from the sex organs of unconsenting babies. You gotta expect some people to be judgemental. But again, I don't think they are bad parents. Usually, at best, they've been duped by society and misled by doctors. And again, I never use the term "mutilate" while trying to educate or debate. I know it doesn't work. But I don't see why it can't be used in a thread that is a bunch of women who left their babies intact, talking about the reactions they've gotten. This isn't a debate thread. Or an informative thread. Or a pro-circ thread. If someone who would easily be offended by anti-circ comments stumbles in here out of curiousity...oh well?

[CherryPie]

Nope, never felt judged. Somehow it does come up here and there and people just ask why I didn't do it and I explain. They usually say something like they think it looks better to be circd or it is cleaner

[MamaNae]

Judged...no not really...if I am I'm oblivious to it.

But people are surprised. My MIL changed my youngest sons diaper once and she came out and exclaimed "I never knew he wasn't circumcised!" he was almost 2 at the time. I just said "Huh? Oh...nope." and that was that.

[burnsis]

Originally Posted by Shaunam Just because I feel it is mutliation doesn't mean I'm harshly judging every parent that chooses circ. I believe it is mutilation by definition. You can't compare it to breast removal. Usually there's a medical reason for that, and it's done on a consenting adult! I believe most people who circ don't really understand what a foreskin is and why it's there, but it isn't necessarily their fault. Doctors are mostly to blame. They are the ones who keep doing it (without informed consent, at that), even though it's ethically wrong. I believe it is mutilation. I don't think parents who choose it are bad parents, though I don't agree that the choice they made was a good one. Clear as mud? It's a society thing. We aren't supposed to judge parents who choose male circ, but if it were foot binding, female circ, tattooing, extreme piercing, scarification, etc our "judgement" would be fine and dandy. How come? What makes it ok in some cases, but not in others? It's because what's done in THIS society we are supposed to accept. Well, that's not a good enough reason for me. What makes our society more "humane" than a society that practices scarification? Why can we cut half a baby's penis skin off and think it's fine, but turn around and talk about other societies and say, "ugh I can't believe they mutilate their children like that". Pot, meet kettle. I think people use the "but you're judging us!" argument to try and make me be "ok" with male circ. I won't ever be ok with it. I will never believe it should be a parental choice. I will not "agree to disagree". Yes, I judge. Everyone does. But getting all whiny and telling me I'm being judgemental is kind of dumb. We're talking about removing functional tissue from the sex organs of unconsenting babies. You gotta expect some people to be judgemental. But again, I don't think they are bad parents. Usually, at best, they've been duped by society and misled by doctors. And again, I never use the term "mutilate" while trying to educate or debate. I know it doesn't work. But I don't see why it can't be used in a thread that is a bunch of women who left their babies intact, talking about the reactions they've gotten. This isn't a debate thread. Or an informative thread. Or a pro-circ thread. If someone who would easily be offended by anti-circ comments stumbles in here out of curiousity...oh well?

Female circumcision and male circumcision are both genital mutilation. Most people here have no problem using the term female genital mutilation, but cannot handle the term male genital mutilation. It is what it is, regardless of sex. We often say male circumcision because it is easier for society here to accept. No one wants to believe that they mutilated their child's genitals. In societies where FGM is practiced, I am sure they are offended by the term, and prefer to call it female circ, or some other term that minimizes the harm being done.

But to answer the OP, I've not felt judged about it. I've been asked a couple of times why we did not, and that was quickly explained.

[jaelynsmommy61607]

Yup. I have got some nasty remarks.

[MyLovely]

Immediate family and friends range from "I don't support circumcision because I figure it's there for a reason" to raging intactivist, so the only judgment my DP and I would ever face is if we did circ.

I think some women, even those who opted against it for their own sons, have a hard time understanding because they view it as a relatively insignificant parental choice. However, when you believe that an individual deserves to have control over the aesthetics of their body, and that to remove parts without medical necessity is a violation of that, it's hard not to be passionate about it.

I know there's not a proper, socially accepted female alternative, but I am so happy that no permanent cosmetic changes were made to my body. Yes, my parents made choices that forever shaped my appearance; choosing to have a head wound stitched instead of glued, getting braces, getting my wisdom teeth removed, getting a gum graft, etc. However, those were decisions that had to be made, and as such, I have no reason to be upset. Let's say, however, that they'd removed the mole on my forehead. I would have been upset, because even though it's something I consider from time to time as an adult, I am very glad it is my choice. And that's not even anything having to do with bodily functions like sex, which are forever altered and irreversible.

[trying4more]

In general No. All my family know I'm more down to earth than the main stream, but my one brother called me and my other sister who left ours sons intact, "Bad moms"...I asked him why was he so worried about my son's penis. He didn't say anything after that!