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Old 03-17-2013, 06:42 AM   #81
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We do santa and easter bunny and tooth tooth fairy so I guess job choose to lie . I also agree that you can't go around telling every person in your life the 100% truth or without avoidance. My child has no reason to know everything about me. they dont need to see see at age two that I'm angry with daddy and why. That is private, and is between us. So I am very open and honest with my children of all ages but they also get told things like I'm fine and santa clause brings them presents

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Old 03-17-2013, 07:55 AM   #82
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

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On death for example how far do you take the honesty? Example if say a child in the neighborhood is killed, in the most horiffic manner with sexual abuse involved, when one of your kids ask about words and meanings involved, how far do you answer truthfully? If they knew the kilerl was a neighbor you had a passing aqquintance with (no chance of contact with your kid though) would you tell the child this information if asked, even if you knew that particular child would have issues with the information?

I can only ask the questions right now as my kid is still young. I admit I have lied to him. My example he is still nursing, some weaning is going well only if I occassionally say they don't work right now. No other explaination, begging, cuddling, works quite the same way. I don't do it all the time, but sometimes he is just testing me, and falls right to sleep.


As he gets older I plan on trying to be honest, but suspect sometimes things will come up. Btw my Mother never lied to me about Santa, but did play Santa in our home.

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in the case of a neighbor killing a child...yes, i would speak with my child about it. not in graphic terms of course, but in a way that they understand they are to sta away from that person for their safety. case in point...we had an issue last year with a registered sex offender being at the school. it was being allowed because he was their with his girlfriend picking up her kids. they were up their one of the days when i went to get dd and this erson was wandering all around with the kids. i did point him out to dd nd told her that he had done bad things to hurt kids and she was to stay far away from him, and that if he tried to touch her she was to run away and yell for an adult. my thought is that if i can't trust the school to protect her, then i need to arm her with information to help her protect herself. the school did have a huge meeting and there is now a rule in place that sex offenders (regardless of if they have children in the school) cannot be at any school sponsored function, however, the sports aren't school sponsored so they are allowed there for those. i always thought the law read that they couldn't be near children.
one of the women who overheard me was very upset because her dh was a registered offender for a supposed high school relationship where his girlfriend happened to be underage. she argued that they had rights too. i know it isn't a popular view, but i personally feel that if you choose to sexually assault a child you no longer deserve to have rights, especially ones that allow you to be near more possible victims. a few months later it came out that her dh had been assaulting her dd for years.
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Old 03-17-2013, 09:05 AM   #83
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in the case of a neighbor killing a child...yes, i would speak with my child about it. not in graphic terms of course, but in a way that they understand they are to sta away from that person for their safety. case in point...we had an issue last year with a registered sex offender being at the school. it was being allowed because he was their with his girlfriend picking up her kids. they were up their one of the days when i went to get dd and this erson was wandering all around with the kids. i did point him out to dd nd told her that he had done bad things to hurt kids and she was to stay far away from him, and that if he tried to touch her she was to run away and yell for an adult. my thought is that if i can't trust the school to protect her, then i need to arm her with information to help her protect herself. the school did have a huge meeting and there is now a rule in place that sex offenders (regardless of if they have children in the school) cannot be at any school sponsored function, however, the sports aren't school sponsored so they are allowed there for those. i always thought the law read that they couldn't be near children.
one of the women who overheard me was very upset because her dh was a registered offender for a supposed high school relationship where his girlfriend happened to be underage. she argued that they had rights too. i know it isn't a popular view, but i personally feel that if you choose to sexually assault a child you no longer deserve to have rights, especially ones that allow you to be near more possible victims. a few months later it came out that her dh had been assaulting her dd for years.
I feel our sex offender registry is not set up well because there is a, huge amount of acts that fall under this . an 18 year old sleeping with a 16 year old can be on that list. In some states indecent exposure can be on that list . I would like a, more compressive list . I am not going to treat a situation the same for a 18 year old making a mistake as I am a man who likes 8 year olds. Having a mom who worked in the courts and dealt with this I was amazed at what fit under sex offender.
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Old 03-17-2013, 06:34 PM   #84
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

i agree that the offender system is very flawed. i only mentioned that that was her dh's supposed crime because it soon after came out that he had been molesting her dd for years. the man that had been up at the elementary school a different one from her dh.
i don't agree that a teenager consentually dating another teenager should get in trouble because one becomes legal age. nor do i agree that men caught peeing in public should have to register. but a legitimate crime against a child is inexcusable in my eyes. the man at the school that i pointed out is registered for having assaulted young children.
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Old 03-17-2013, 06:52 PM   #85
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

My goal is to parent as authentically as possible, honest, but at an age appropriate level. Our dog had to be put down recently, we explained he was sick in his head (seizures) and that the Dr's couldn't fix it and the Dr gave him medicine and his heart stopped and then he went to heaven ( some may see this as a lie, it is truth to me). We all had a good cry together. I also see it as my responsibility to protect her, both physically and mentally. I wouldn't let her put her body at risk and I won't put her mind/soul at risk with info she is not prepared to deal with (yes, in my estimation).
Now the holidays are different, I throughly enjoy the holidays and they are some of my favorite childhood memories and I want to create this for my DD
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Old 03-17-2013, 07:11 PM   #86
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It's kind of funny- I don't usually lie to my kids. I give them age appropriate answers (as in explaining war as people being very angry and mean to each other to my then 4yo)

I won't say never just in case but I can't think of a time when I lied and I instinctively answer questions truthfully.

DH on the other hand instinctively lies. It's the weirdest thing. Sometimes I can't understand why he would lie - its not even a big deal. He just does it automatically. Less now than he used to but I guess he grew up that way and it still comes naturally? :shrug:

We do Santa etc but if asked I tell them the truth which is that Santa is fun to believe in.
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Old 03-18-2013, 06:19 AM   #87
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Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

I try not to lie to my son. Yesterday we were talking about the drug pipeline (DH and I) and DS heard us and wanted to know what we were talking about. So I had DH tell him. It was a bit of satire but it wasn't a lie. He said it was where people put money in one end of a pipe and get drugs out the other. I added that they also want money out the other end.

There are times where we lie to him flat out. Like if we are watching a Sci Fi show and DS is playing in the room and looks up and wants to know what we are watching. We normally say walruses. It is easier then trying to explain a sci fi character.

Life things we normally don't lie about. DS said something that this would be for his brother and this would be for his sister. I corrected him and said his sister died. Death is a part of his life so he gets it.
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Old 03-18-2013, 08:24 AM   #88
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I don't know if I agree with that. You can give enough truthful information to satisfy the curiosity without telling them everything you know on the topic.
Bingo. Answer their questions as they are asked. They don't need all the nitty gritty details, and if you give them all the information, as opposed to withholding, you may not actually answer the question the kid was asking.

I don't plan to lie about real world stuff with my kids, but I want my children to have an imagination. We play fairies, "do" Santa clause, look for mermaids. But it's a game.
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