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Old 10-08-2012, 08:14 AM   #21
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Re: WWYD: needing advice

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Originally Posted by Kissed by the Moon View Post
well the other sis wants to chip in $100 and wants to know if we will too. $50 I was willing, but $100 I'm pretty hesitant..ugh. That's a lot and I know she wouldn't do this for us had it been reversed.
Hmm.. Did you guys find the bank lot together? Is that why she is saying you owe her some of the fine? I agree with pp that if it's going to ruin your relationship, it might not be worth it (to not pay anything).

To the quoted, maybe you can tell her $50 is all you can afford. Also, I wouldn't let what she would do or not do affect what you do. You're not like her, and it sounds like you don't want to be like her anyway.

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Old 10-08-2012, 08:16 AM   #22
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Re: WWYD: needing advice

Was the bank one that any of y'all are customers of? I would imagine the towing company might not be willing to "write off" the bill just because she complained but if the bank was one y'all use then she should go speak to the bank manager - they usually will do "above and beyond" for customers.

But I still believe that it is NOT your rsponsibility to pay for the ticket...UNLESS...you were the one that pulled in there (first) and said "hey park here"...I think offering $50 would be very reasonable...not so much $100
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Old 10-08-2012, 08:23 AM   #23
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Re: WWYD: needing advice

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Originally Posted by Kissed by the Moon View Post
well the other sis wants to chip in $100 and wants to know if we will too. $50 I was willing, but $100 I'm pretty hesitant..ugh. That's a lot and I know she wouldn't do this for us had it been reversed.
If your willing to do $50 than I would stick to that. I wouldn't be willing to do any. I think it is ridiculous. I would never ask some to do this. But then I wouldn't have parked there. I would have said lets find some public parking. She didn't have to park there because you suggested it- like I said already I wouldn't have. I understand wanting to maintain the relationship, but geez that would make me mad. Actually I can't think of a single person I know who would expect you to pay.
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Old 10-08-2012, 08:39 AM   #24
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Re: WWYD: needing advice

Okay, I have a different take on this. So, first I'm going to explain what I gathered from OP's post.

1 - OP's family and two her DH's sisters made a decision jointly to go to an apple orchard
2 - OP's family and the two sisters decided to combine cars for everyone's convenience in parking
3 - OP's family was involved with finding a parking lot to park in for the day
4 - OP's DH's sister, for whatever reason, was the one who left her car so that they could all go in fewer cars.

Now, I could be wrong in my assumptions above.

But, given what I am taking away from the OP, I would contribute. It could just as easily have been OP's family who left their car in the lot and rode with the other family. Seems like it was just luck of the draw as to who left their vehicle and who drove. If OP's SIL had a bigger vehicle, more space, better gas mileage, it could just as easily have been OP or whoever else went who parked in the lot.

It was a poor choice ultimately. But, it sounds like it was everyone's choice. While the SIL might be bad with money, this isn't a situation where she blew off her bills to buy a new pair of shoes or anything like this. I would help with the bill - split it 3 ways if I could at all afford it. But, seeing as how it is OP's DH's sister, I would also have him dealing with his sister rather than me. No way I would let $100 come between my DH and his family.
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Old 10-08-2012, 08:46 AM   #25
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Re: WWYD: needing advice

ok more background..yes, dh is the one talking to his sister about it and they are still figuring out what to do. I found out after talking to dh about it more last night that he did say something along the lines of "I have parked here before and never had an issue with it." Normally it wouldn't have been an issue, but again, the bank decided to tar yesterday and had not put any signs up, so this is where the problem came into play. Also, go figure, the sign that normally would have had the number to call for the tow company, didn't have a phone number! So she had to call the sheriff to track down her car. It was just a big mess.

The reason they left their car is because dh's other sister has a mini van so they decided between them two (the two sisters) that they would go in the van. I didn't know they were planning on doing this until we were on our way up. We left the orchards before they did, as they wanted to visit more of them and we were tired at that point (we live closer and have been there many times).

I do not have a problem giving her some money but the problem I had was with how she was attacking and demanding we give money and knowing her, had the roles been reversed, she would tell us we were out of luck.
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:12 AM   #26
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Re: WWYD: needing advice

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Originally Posted by Kissed by the Moon View Post
ok more background..yes, dh is the one talking to his sister about it and they are still figuring out what to do. I found out after talking to dh about it more last night that he did say something along the lines of "I have parked here before and never had an issue with it." Normally it wouldn't have been an issue, but again, the bank decided to tar yesterday and had not put any signs up, so this is where the problem came into play. Also, go figure, the sign that normally would have had the number to call for the tow company, didn't have a phone number! So she had to call the sheriff to track down her car. It was just a big mess.

The reason they left their car is because dh's other sister has a mini van so they decided between them two (the two sisters) that they would go in the van. I didn't know they were planning on doing this until we were on our way up. We left the orchards before they did, as they wanted to visit more of them and we were tired at that point (we live closer and have been there many times).

I do not have a problem giving her some money but the problem I had was with how she was attacking and demanding we give money and knowing her, had the roles been reversed, she would tell us we were out of luck.
So did you and DH even go to the bank parking lot?....IF you weren't even involved in the "parking" (other than maybe DH said..."oh I parked at that bank over on 624 - you know across from the gas station once, it was right on the way out...")....
I still think you aren't required to pay anything....as I said before....if you got a speeding ticket (or were in a wreck - or anything) you would not be asking the SIL to pay for that!?!....how much of her life and decisions are you responsible for contributing to?....what if she went home with her apples and sliced her finger while cutting them up....would you need to contribute to her Dr. bills??....what if while y'all were gone her toilet overflowed at home....your fault or hers??...okay I'll stop
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:35 AM   #27
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Re: WWYD: needing advice

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Originally Posted by CarrieMF View Post
If there were no signs posted she should be able to fight the entire tow bill, not just $100 off.
ditto.

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I would leave it up to your husband about whether you should help fix her problem.
ditto.
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:53 AM   #28
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Re: WWYD: needing advice

So you and your DH had no idea they were planning to consolidate vehicles and no clue they had planned to park at the bank? This was not only not your decision, but something you discovered after the decision was made? If that's the case then no I would not chip any money in at all. You weren't part of the decision, therefore you have no culpability in the decision. If you had been there and the three of you agreed to leave one car behind, then sure, split the bill three ways, but if they decided this without you, and you only learned about it after the fact, you have no blame in it, and thus no reason to chip in.

My DH is one of three boys. If the three of them hatched some hairbrained scheme that ended up costing one of them money, all three should pay the bill. This sort of thing has happened. But if the other two boys hatched this idea without DH, I would not allow him to bail the other two out because the idea backfired on them.
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:58 AM   #29
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Re: WWYD: needing advice

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So you and your DH had no idea they were planning to consolidate vehicles and no clue they had planned to park at the bank? This was not only not your decision, but something you discovered after the decision was made? If that's the case then no I would not chip any money in at all. You weren't part of the decision, therefore you have no culpability in the decision. If you had been there and the three of you agreed to leave one car behind, then sure, split the bill three ways, but if they decided this without you, and you only learned about it after the fact, you have no blame in it, and thus no reason to chip in.

My DH is one of three boys. If the three of them hatched some hairbrained scheme that ended up costing one of them money, all three should pay the bill. This sort of thing has happened. But if the other two boys hatched this idea without DH, I would not allow him to bail the other two out because the idea backfired on them.
My take from OP's last post is that the sisters used that lot because her DH suggested it.
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:29 AM   #30
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I think the other sister should chip in because they combined cars. If you suggested the lot and told them it was fine and if when they got there NO SIGNS at all were posted about private lot cars will be towed, you guys should chip in. If there are posted signs you shouldn't pitch in because they are adults and even a suggestion should be ignored if there were tow signs.
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