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Old 10-10-2012, 02:35 PM   #51
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Re: Selfish with your baby

I also didn't let people hold DS or even come around for a while, but they managed to anyway. This time we are having a few days without visitors! PERIOD! NO ONE. Then it will be very limited. It's not worth the anxiety that's YOUR baby they had their chance with theirs. Good Luck mama and wear that baby when you can it eliminates a lot of oh can I hold them...

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Old 10-10-2012, 02:36 PM   #52
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Re: Selfish with your baby

It used to kill me when one of mine started to fuss while someone else was holding him/her. The ILs (MIL, GMIL, even my mom) would just run off with my fussing baby and I'm left chasing after them saying Give him/her back to me! It was nuts and made me really resentful. I still love to hug and snuggle them and they still enjoy it.
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Old 10-10-2012, 02:45 PM   #53
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Originally Posted by EuphoricDysphoria
My parents are smokers. I had huge issues with them holding Rebekah because they would go outside, smoke then come in and hold her right up against them. I cringed and quickly took her back or asked them to lay her down each time.

I didn't realize how horrible the smoke was until I was snuggling bean and her tiny hands smelled like cigarettes.
I'm a Rebekah too. Good name choice.

I have no problem handing off DD. But then I can't keep my eyes off her. Not because I worry about someone else holding her, just because I she's adorable. She loves to be held ALL THE TIME so its nice to have free arms occasionally. She's already been passed around at Bible study, session meeting and fellowship hour after church. So far she has no problem being in someone else's arms and I like that. She fell asleep while my pastor was holding her today when I was trying to get stuff done in the church office and I was ok with that!

My mom is a smoker and the first thing she did when she came down to visit was take a shower so she could hold DD. I really appreciated that cause I dont want my baby around smoke, even if its just on clothes.

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Old 10-10-2012, 02:50 PM   #54
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Re: Selfish with your baby

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Originally Posted by Bhavana View Post
I dont know if you are referring to my SIL's case or OP's case.If you are talking about my SIL, then asking my family to screw off would be the most ungrateful thing to say. She'd have been very hard put if she didnt have us around to take care of her post partum. I just read the entire thread and Im guessing its a cultural difference, but the number of moms possessive about their infants is shocking to me.

"protect my baby"......does family holding the baby for a few mins automatically mean that they are out to harm him? Why not see the big picture that the family wants to adore the cuteness of your baby? That they are not out to separate the mom from the baby/lessen the bond. In some cases, I see that they do try to say an off handed comment/they are smokers/sick. Otherwise, I would love for my kids to have that connection with relatives so early on.
I think what many of us are saying is that we know it's not rational, that it is postpartum anxiety. We're not choosing to feel that way to be mean, or out of spite for other people. It causes me extreme anxiety when others hold my new baby to the point of crying in church once when my child was literally 2 feet in front of me because my FIL was holding him.

Most of us have said that other people DO hold our children...but we don't like it and limit it instead of the passing around that many family members/friends would like.

It is wonderful that you don't have this anxiety, but it's insulting to someone who does deal with it postpartum to act as though we should just get over it and pass the baby around.

It doesn't last forever, I left my son at my MIL's at 6 weeks old so I could go back to work. Did I like it? No. But I did it, and I knew he was safe and well cared for. My kids spend plenty of time with family members as they get older, I just don't get the thought that it is someone else's *right* to hold my baby and I should hand them over whenever they ask.
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Old 10-10-2012, 02:53 PM   #55
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Re: Selfish with your baby

And I apologize for my defensiveness on this topic, it's caused a lot of problems with my IL's who do not understand why I would be upset and literally try to take the baby out of my arms and away from me every chance they get. Just the thought of being with them with a new baby causes me some anxiety (though I am perfectly fine being around them otherwise and see them often)
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Old 10-10-2012, 02:55 PM   #56
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Re: Selfish with your baby

This thread just created an "aha!" moment for me! I never want to hold people's newborn babies, ever. I bring food, bring gifts, take pics, but never ever hold the baby! There are several reasons why (I'm a bit of a germaphobe, and don't want to make baby sick!), but I just realized a big reason is that I don't like to share my newborn with others! Glad I'm not the only one.
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Old 10-10-2012, 03:07 PM   #57
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Re: Selfish with your baby

I love when my friends and family members hold my baby. I love seeing the joy they get from holding her!

We made a point of being sure that we got a picture of my daughter being held by all of her great-grandparents the first time they met her and I'm so glad we did, because one of her great-grandfathers passed away when she was just a few months old and if we hadn't let them hold her right away, we wouldn't have a picture of that precious moment.

Edited for grammar

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Old 10-10-2012, 03:16 PM   #58
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Re: Selfish with your baby

I don't mind when others (family and close friends) hold my babies, but I also always get to a point after some minutes of needing the baby back with me. It's not about not trusting the other person, or feeling a need to protect the baby from others, but this feeling that comes over me - an overwhelming feeling that I need my baby in my arms.
After 4 babies, DH now can recognize when I'm feeling that way and he will get the baby from whoever is holding him, and bring baby to me.

I do have a HUGE issue with strangers and random people wanting to touch or hold my babies. *shudder* Just no.
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Old 10-10-2012, 03:47 PM   #59
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Re: Selfish with your baby

I don't mind when other ppl hold my babies but I do mind when they snatch them from me, won't return them to me and walk off, or make little comments about having to share. My kids aren't toys, and in the case of my ILs, you had your kids and now it is my turn so my rules. I love to see others enjoying my little ones but when I want my LO back, return him/her to my arms and don't make me chase you or practically beg you to give me back MY child.
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Old 10-10-2012, 04:21 PM   #60
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Re: Selfish with your baby

I'm glad someone said this. this is exactly how I felt (and feel even now my with 2 year olds). I don't want anyone taking away MY time w/them! I don't like when people are visiting b/c I just want them to spend all of their time with me.

When they were newborns it was so bad that when MIL wanted to come visit I told DH if she did I'd lock the bedroom door and wouldn't come out with them all day. I just didn't want anyone else to get to spend time with them.

I've never heard anyone else say this, so I'm glad to know I'm not a totally weirdo!

ETA: Also b/c of this if I go to visit someone to see their new baby I will absolutely not ask to hold them. I'll let Mom do that and I'll offer any assistance around the house instead

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