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Old 10-15-2012, 07:50 AM   #1
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Toilet training last straw

DD2 has been impossible to toilet train. Up and down, one week she is good, the next she pees everything and yells at me when I tell her to go.

I only remind her when it is bedtime, time to go out, when we get home, before dinner, when she gets up in the morning. And I don't force, I just suggest, and I am usually yelled at. So anyway, I don't think I am pushing her to use it, but she is very resistant when I do try to gently remind her. I usually only suggest it when I KNOW she needs to go, ie it will have been 4 hours and her pee is dark yellow!

She doesn't want to wear a diaper, she yells and says she is not a baby and asks for undies. Or she takes it off when I am not looking and puts underwear on. She has only a handful of times told me that she needs to go, and sometimes takes herself, but more often she just doesn't take herself, she just has accidents, and then tells me (esp when it is poo I am not happy!) or she goes when I insist or 'bribe' her. For eg I will say, ok girls would you like to watch some tv? Everybody needs to go to the toilet and wash hands and I will get a snack'. So not sure if that counts as a bribe, but she will always go when I suggest it like that.

But after 10 months of this I am at my wits end! So yesterday I insisted on the diaper (after 2 accidents on the floor) and told her when she is ready to be a big girl and use the toilet she can tell me and I will help her, but until then I want her to wear a diaper. So then later at bedtime she took herself to the toilet and then wanted underwear. I guess my question is, should I give them to her if she does it? Or should I give a period of time that she has no accidents and tells me, and then she can wear underwear again? My main problem really is she goes into her sister's things and takes her underwear, and also she screams and throws a fit every time I put the diaper on, as she does not want to wear it. So I feel like I should reward the good behaviour? I guess I also worry that she will think it's really unfair of me to still make her wear a diaper if she did the right thing.

Oh and to add, she is clearly in control and knows when she has to go, as she has had periods of a few days over the 10 month period where she has been accident free and using it independently. it's more the case that she doesn't really want to... but I don't know how to make it more of an incentive. We have tried, everything! The only incentive I can think of now is the 'big girl' card.

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Old 10-15-2012, 09:08 AM   #2
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I'm going through the same thing! I've decided to just allow her to wear padded undies. That way if she pees it won't get all over the floor. I don't want to discourage her by making her wear a diaper. But, it makes me wanna bang my head against the wall!!! So basically, I have no clue and my advice sucks. Sorry,
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Old 10-15-2012, 09:10 AM   #3
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Re: Toilet training last straw

I would do a chart for her. Tell her that when she goes a certain amount of time with no accidents, she gets undies, but that after a certain number of accidents in a day she goes back to a diaper for the rest of that day.
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Old 10-15-2012, 09:44 AM   #4
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Id put her in undies, make a chart(everyday/2days/whatever with no accidents gets a sticker/tattoo/extra bedtime story/ect eventually working up to a week for a tiny bit bigger reward and so on) and when she has an accident make her clean it up. Next time she tells you she peed/pooped her pants ask her what is she going to do about that. If she says she needs you to clean it/help(I'd only do this the 1st time if you decided to go this route) tell/show her the cleaning supplies and walk away. When she's done remind her-very matter of factly, little to no emotion, that the pee and poop are going to come out and it's her choice to go in her pants, stop playing then clean it or go potty and then go play.

My girls were never into charts so I just did the latter once they knew how/why/what to do and decided to do it except when it was inconvient to do so. After a couple times they figured out that clean up sucked and started going on the potty. Both girls did have some regression months down the road but I again told them where the cleaning supplies were and let them take care of it. The only time I did help clean is when dd2 truely had an accident(like not waking soon enough and peeing while trying to get to the potty). As frustraing as it is the choice is hers to make so let her deal with the consequences. Gl mama
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Old 10-15-2012, 09:47 AM   #5
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Re: Toilet training last straw

We had all these issues with our DD. It took us a full 2.5 yrs to get her completely potty trained. It was a long, difficult, very trying time. She also had full control but just refused to use it. It was the most frustrating parenting ordeal I have ever been through yet (though I am sure it wasn't half the experience the teen yrs will be).

We tried sticker charts, positive reinforcement, treats, special privileges, we tried punishments, taking things away, time outs... we tried talking to her, we tried books, we tried movies.... we tried sitting back and letting her do it at her own pace... we literally tried every way we could think of (over the course of 2 yrs) to encourage her to go in the toilet.

What *FINALLY* worked for us (after I got seriously fed up and just could not take it anymore) was that I took away her panties and put them up out of her reach and I filled her panty drawer with diapers. I gave her ONE pair of panties in the morning, and when she wet in them, she had to wear a diaper the rest of the day until the next morning. I tried my very best to not make her feel guilty, but to show it as a natural consequence for her CHOOSING to pee her pants rather than use the toilet (b/c at that point, that is what she was doing).

I explained very matter-of-factly that panties are not made for us to pee in, diapers are, and that if you are going to pee on yourself, you will have to wear a diaper, b/c when you pee in your panties, it makes a HUGE mess. She was upset and angry about this for the first 2-3 days. Then it got worse before it got better.....

My beautiful, creative, kind-hearted daughter is so polite and wonderful, but she is the most stubborn thing with two legs walking, and after she saw I was not going to back down, she decided to just pee in the diaper and wear it. Then she started sucking her thumb and saying things like "uh oh! baby peed in her diaper! Better come change the baby mommy!" So I did. And then I put her in a crib. And told her babies needed LOTS of sleep, and left her in there screaming and pitching a fit until she got quiet on her own. I also told her I would have to put away her toys b/c babies can't have big girl toys... which resulted in more screaming and fits. I even mashed up a banana and mixed it with milk and oatmeal and spoonfed her (like a baby) while her brother (who is YOUNGER and had been potty trained far longer) ate a normal lunch.... which resulted in a serious meltdown.

I just stayed calm the entire time, being very matter-of-fact and not showing that inside my heart was breaking and I was crying harder than she was deep down. I stuck by my guns, though. And we did this for maybe 3 days or so.

...finally, finally, FINALLY, she started making a serious effort. She started listening when I said, "We should take a potty break now, we don't want to have an accident!" When she would pee herself on purpose (which did still happen, but not nearly as much), I would just say "oh no, I really hope that doesn't happen again. I'd hate to have to put you in a diaper. You're not a baby! You're a big girl!" And she would usually not have another incident that day.

I continued to praise her, and to tell her how great it was that she was such a "big girl" and about all the things she could do b/c she was a "big girl" that babies can't do. I tried to tell her how proud I was of her for making good choices. And each day that she went w/o peeing in her undies, she got to put a pair of undies back in her drawer. She slowly earned all her panties back, and I took the diapers and put them away.

I know this post makes me sound like the most horrid mother on the planet. My ODD was FOUR YEARS OLD before she would actually consistently pee in the toilet everytime. I had to do something b/c obviously every other method I'd tried did not work. This was the only way I could get through to her. I wish it had been a more smooth ride, but I'm just so thankful it's behind us now.

I don't know if this helps, OP. I truly hope your DD can "get it" some other way. This method was no fun for me OR for DD. It was seriously the only thing that worked, though.

Last edited by Kiliki; 10-15-2012 at 09:50 AM.
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Old 10-15-2012, 12:56 PM   #6
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Re: Toilet training last straw

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiliki View Post
We had all these issues with our DD. It took us a full 2.5 yrs to get her completely potty trained. It was a long, difficult, very trying time. She also had full control but just refused to use it. It was the most frustrating parenting ordeal I have ever been through yet (though I am sure it wasn't half the experience the teen yrs will be).

We tried sticker charts, positive reinforcement, treats, special privileges, we tried punishments, taking things away, time outs... we tried talking to her, we tried books, we tried movies.... we tried sitting back and letting her do it at her own pace... we literally tried every way we could think of (over the course of 2 yrs) to encourage her to go in the toilet.

What *FINALLY* worked for us (after I got seriously fed up and just could not take it anymore) was that I took away her panties and put them up out of her reach and I filled her panty drawer with diapers. I gave her ONE pair of panties in the morning, and when she wet in them, she had to wear a diaper the rest of the day until the next morning. I tried my very best to not make her feel guilty, but to show it as a natural consequence for her CHOOSING to pee her pants rather than use the toilet (b/c at that point, that is what she was doing).

I explained very matter-of-factly that panties are not made for us to pee in, diapers are, and that if you are going to pee on yourself, you will have to wear a diaper, b/c when you pee in your panties, it makes a HUGE mess. She was upset and angry about this for the first 2-3 days. Then it got worse before it got better.....

My beautiful, creative, kind-hearted daughter is so polite and wonderful, but she is the most stubborn thing with two legs walking, and after she saw I was not going to back down, she decided to just pee in the diaper and wear it. Then she started sucking her thumb and saying things like "uh oh! baby peed in her diaper! Better come change the baby mommy!" So I did. And then I put her in a crib. And told her babies needed LOTS of sleep, and left her in there screaming and pitching a fit until she got quiet on her own. I also told her I would have to put away her toys b/c babies can't have big girl toys... which resulted in more screaming and fits. I even mashed up a banana and mixed it with milk and oatmeal and spoonfed her (like a baby) while her brother (who is YOUNGER and had been potty trained far longer) ate a normal lunch.... which resulted in a serious meltdown.

I just stayed calm the entire time, being very matter-of-fact and not showing that inside my heart was breaking and I was crying harder than she was deep down. I stuck by my guns, though. And we did this for maybe 3 days or so.

...finally, finally, FINALLY, she started making a serious effort. She started listening when I said, "We should take a potty break now, we don't want to have an accident!" When she would pee herself on purpose (which did still happen, but not nearly as much), I would just say "oh no, I really hope that doesn't happen again. I'd hate to have to put you in a diaper. You're not a baby! You're a big girl!" And she would usually not have another incident that day.

I continued to praise her, and to tell her how great it was that she was such a "big girl" and about all the things she could do b/c she was a "big girl" that babies can't do. I tried to tell her how proud I was of her for making good choices. And each day that she went w/o peeing in her undies, she got to put a pair of undies back in her drawer. She slowly earned all her panties back, and I took the diapers and put them away.

I know this post makes me sound like the most horrid mother on the planet. My ODD was FOUR YEARS OLD before she would actually consistently pee in the toilet everytime. I had to do something b/c obviously every other method I'd tried did not work. This was the only way I could get through to her. I wish it had been a more smooth ride, but I'm just so thankful it's behind us now.

I don't know if this helps, OP. I truly hope your DD can "get it" some other way. This method was no fun for me OR for DD. It was seriously the only thing that worked, though.
Seriously. My boys were out of diapers completely at 15 and 17 months, I have no idea how parents manage the nightmare of potty training toddlers or preschoolers, but I have to hand it to you mama! Those must have been some of the worst parenting days ever, but I would totally do the same thing if it came to it, and will store your process in the back of my mind in case I ever have to use it!
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:07 PM   #7
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Re: Toilet training last straw

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Originally Posted by Green Decals View Post
Seriously. My boys were out of diapers completely at 15 and 17 months, I have no idea how parents manage the nightmare of potty training toddlers or preschoolers, but I have to hand it to you mama! Those must have been some of the worst parenting days ever, but I would totally do the same thing if it came to it, and will store your process in the back of my mind in case I ever have to use it!
thanks. It was a long week, and I felt horrible every step of the way. But looking back, it was very necessary, and I am so thankful I found something that finally worked for her.

I srsly dread the teen yrs.
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:01 PM   #8
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Re: Toilet training last straw

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiliki View Post
We had all these issues with our DD. It took us a full 2.5 yrs to get her completely potty trained. It was a long, difficult, very trying time. She also had full control but just refused to use it. It was the most frustrating parenting ordeal I have ever been through yet (though I am sure it wasn't half the experience the teen yrs will be).

We tried sticker charts, positive reinforcement, treats, special privileges, we tried punishments, taking things away, time outs... we tried talking to her, we tried books, we tried movies.... we tried sitting back and letting her do it at her own pace... we literally tried every way we could think of (over the course of 2 yrs) to encourage her to go in the toilet.

What *FINALLY* worked for us (after I got seriously fed up and just could not take it anymore) was that I took away her panties and put them up out of her reach and I filled her panty drawer with diapers. I gave her ONE pair of panties in the morning, and when she wet in them, she had to wear a diaper the rest of the day until the next morning. I tried my very best to not make her feel guilty, but to show it as a natural consequence for her CHOOSING to pee her pants rather than use the toilet (b/c at that point, that is what she was doing).

I explained very matter-of-factly that panties are not made for us to pee in, diapers are, and that if you are going to pee on yourself, you will have to wear a diaper, b/c when you pee in your panties, it makes a HUGE mess. She was upset and angry about this for the first 2-3 days. Then it got worse before it got better.....

My beautiful, creative, kind-hearted daughter is so polite and wonderful, but she is the most stubborn thing with two legs walking, and after she saw I was not going to back down, she decided to just pee in the diaper and wear it. Then she started sucking her thumb and saying things like "uh oh! baby peed in her diaper! Better come change the baby mommy!" So I did. And then I put her in a crib. And told her babies needed LOTS of sleep, and left her in there screaming and pitching a fit until she got quiet on her own. I also told her I would have to put away her toys b/c babies can't have big girl toys... which resulted in more screaming and fits. I even mashed up a banana and mixed it with milk and oatmeal and spoonfed her (like a baby) while her brother (who is YOUNGER and had been potty trained far longer) ate a normal lunch.... which resulted in a serious meltdown.

I just stayed calm the entire time, being very matter-of-fact and not showing that inside my heart was breaking and I was crying harder than she was deep down. I stuck by my guns, though. And we did this for maybe 3 days or so.

...finally, finally, FINALLY, she started making a serious effort. She started listening when I said, "We should take a potty break now, we don't want to have an accident!" When she would pee herself on purpose (which did still happen, but not nearly as much), I would just say "oh no, I really hope that doesn't happen again. I'd hate to have to put you in a diaper. You're not a baby! You're a big girl!" And she would usually not have another incident that day.

I continued to praise her, and to tell her how great it was that she was such a "big girl" and about all the things she could do b/c she was a "big girl" that babies can't do. I tried to tell her how proud I was of her for making good choices. And each day that she went w/o peeing in her undies, she got to put a pair of undies back in her drawer. She slowly earned all her panties back, and I took the diapers and put them away.

I know this post makes me sound like the most horrid mother on the planet. My ODD was FOUR YEARS OLD before she would actually consistently pee in the toilet everytime. I had to do something b/c obviously every other method I'd tried did not work. This was the only way I could get through to her. I wish it had been a more smooth ride, but I'm just so thankful it's behind us now.

I don't know if this helps, OP. I truly hope your DD can "get it" some other way. This method was no fun for me OR for DD. It was seriously the only thing that worked, though.
you do rock. Lord willing, we will get potty trained before DD gets that crafty, but if not, I will totally use this
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Old 10-15-2012, 03:26 PM   #9
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Re: Toilet training last straw

We had issues getting DD potty trained as well, although it wasn't exactly the situation you're having... kinda similar, though, it sounds like.
DD didn't care about diapers or underwear. She just didn't want to use the toilet. Period. She would, like your DD, have a good week or more of no accidents. Then she would be bored and not want to do it anymore. She would purposefully pee on things in the house - sometimes just the floor, but she also peed on her rocking horse, and once peed on my clothes drying rack for laundry. It was so obviously on purpose, to "show us" she was in control.
Finally (after 3 or 4 times of going back and forth between toileting and diapers) we had had enough - we were just a couple months away from DS2 being born, and didn't want 3 in diapers!
We ended up having to make her rinse off in the bathtub with only cold water, when she had an "accident" (which, again, they obviously were not). She tested me for a couple days with this, then tested her dad once or twice, and that was it. She's never had an accident (true or otherwise!) since.

But if your DD wants to be in underwear and just isn't wanting to use the toilet, I would implement the above ideas - try out "x" days of no accidents and then you can have underwear all the time, or one pair of underwear per day. I like both of those!
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