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Old 10-15-2012, 01:48 PM   #1
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Totally out of ideas re: potty training

I've posted about this before, and I tried all the ideas suggested. Now I'm back for more!

DS1 is 3.5 and fully "pee trained" (day and night, has been for about 4-6 months). He really has done great with this, no issues at all.

He will NOT poop in the potty. At first I just thought, Oh, well, that often comes later, I'll just wait for him to be ready. But...he never seemed to be ready. I've tried different potty seats, different positions (facing backwards and forwards on the potty), bribery, giving him my knees to "push on" with his feet). Nothing. He knows when he has to go (usually) and will sometimes even ask me to put a pull up on him before he goes (more often, though, he has accidents in his underwear. I don't put diapers on him anymore because he gets really upset. "I'm not a baby!" and I don't want to shame him, you know?)

A few weeks ago, I got so fed up with the accidents that I sort of lost my cool and told him I was going to throw out all his undies (which he loves! they have Spiderman and Thomas on them!) if he pooped in them again (yeah... not a proud mom moment). But, it seemed to sort of help, because an hour or so later, he came to me and told me he wanted to poop on the potty. Great!

But.... nothing. It was like he didn't know "how" to do it (which is so weird, but... I guess it's sort of an unfamiliar feeling if you've never done it before?). But now I'm not so sure that's the issue. The other day, I was talking to him about it and he told me that he didn't want to poop on the potty because it will hurt. Oh! So what do I do? How do I get him past this fear?


Kate, mama to three crazy boys! Owen (3/30/09) , Rory (8/18/11) and Brennan (8/3/14)
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:53 PM   #2
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Re: Totally out of ideas re: potty training

If you know he's about to poop, I would just put him on the potty and try to distract him with something. Don't let him get up. I mean, don't make him super angry/upset, but insist he stay, and assure him you'll stay with him and you know he will be just fine.

Maybe read his favorite book to him and ask him lots of questions about it. Maybe see if he wants to color. If you have a portable DVD player, I'd even try putting on his favorite cartoon. If he is about to poop and you can get him on the potty and get him distracted enough/relaxed enough, he will probably just go and then you can say something like, "See! It DOESN'T hurt to poop on the toilet! What a BIG BOY! Now you can use the toilet all the time since you know it won't hurt!" And give him lots of praise.

I'm guessing, but I think once he gets over the "it'll hurt" fear, he'll have no issues going in the potty - esp if you give him lots of praise AND point out how much cleaner it is...

There's also a book called "everyone poops" (or something like that) maybe that would help?

Last edited by Kiliki; 10-15-2012 at 01:55 PM.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:55 PM   #3
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Re: Totally out of ideas re: potty training

U try cheering like ur fav team just made goal? Does he see u guys & the noises & faces u make? I was told that I couldn't wear my panties til I did all on potty. We used to just be like we don't want to be by poopy smelling girl. That helped.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:55 PM   #4
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Re: Totally out of ideas re: potty training

first, that's not a bad mommy moment (I mean, maybe if you were yelling, but whatever). A lot of the 'strategies' I've read say to tell your child 'if you poop in Thomas, we have to throw them away!' and that's a very valid strategy.

After that, yeah.. I think it is hard for them. You might consider putting a little potty in front of a movie or something so he can spend some quality time 'trying'. I have been given that suggestion by a lot of moms.

Other than that, the fear is real. And you don't want to let him constipate himself, because then it really will hurt and then you have a bigger problem.

I don't have any further suggestions because I have not BTDT.
SAHM to Magnolia May (09/10), Luke Russett (04/13) and expecting 11/16. Wife and best friend to my airman.
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:12 PM   #5
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I have been dealing with a very similar situation. My DS goes bottomless in the house, or Donald Ducking it as DH says . He would poop on the floor, but in a defiant way. He would come tell me about it in a singsongy voice grrrr. I had him clean it up and made sure he dropped the bulk of it in the toilet. I didn't make a big deal about it because he was enjoying the attention, positive or negative. I finally caught him making his "ready to go face" ran him to the toilet then told him we were not going to leave the bathroom until he had gone in the toilet. We read a book and watched some videos on my phone... Finally he went! That pretty much got him over his hump and now he will go in the toilet 99%.

I wouldn't put the pull up or underpants on him when he asks. Good luck, I'm sending you positive potty vibes because I really understand how completely frustrating it is!
Lindsay- wife to my Soldier & SAHM to Gavin 3/06 Liam 5/09 and Collin 8/12
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:13 PM   #6
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Both my daughters took a long time to get the pooping down. And I have thrown out many pairs of underwear! Don't feel like you had a bad mommy moment - I am ashamed to admit I told my youngest that santa would only bring her baby toys if she didn't poop on the toilet!

I finally discovered with both mine that they actually won't go unless they have privacy. If I'm in the room they just couldn't do it. They would say privacy please! LOL. Perhaps if you haven't tried that you might.

I have a friend whose DD just wouldn't use the toilet at 4 so my friend put her in preschool part time and the little bugger started using the bathroom right away for the preschool lady!
Megan wife of my soldier Steve, mama to my beautiful girls Rowan (11/07) and Linden (03/10)!
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Old 10-15-2012, 05:27 PM   #7
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Re: Totally out of ideas re: potty training

This is what I read awhile back to get a child past whatever hangup is keeping them from pooping on the potty:

Try going in several steps.
1. Since he knows when he needs to poop, have him go into the bathroom and poop in a pull up.
2. When he's ready, have him sit on the potty in a pull up and poop there.
3. The site I read even suggested, if necessary, that you could add a step where you cut a hole in the bottom of the pull up, so he can still wear that while sitting on the potty.

The idea is to help him still have some familiar sensations while getting used to new sensations. I never actually had to go past step 1 with either kid, but this was the plan if that wasn't enough.
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Old 10-15-2012, 06:01 PM   #8
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Re: Totally out of ideas re: potty training

Originally Posted by megenic View Post
I finally discovered with both mine that they actually won't go unless they have privacy. If I'm in the room they just couldn't do it. They would say privacy please! LOL. Perhaps if you haven't tried that you might.
My DS had this same problem. The first time he pooped on the potty he was alone. Now he's ok with us being in there, but for a few weeks we were NOT allowed to see him go.

Also, it is easier to go with knees above waist (this goes for all people, not just babies!), so a little potty instead of the big potty is ideal.

ExtBFing, ERFing, CDing, bedsharing mama to Lucas (2-21-09), Gabriel (4-16-11), Elliot (1-17-14), and loving wife to Rodd

Last edited by linzbear; 10-15-2012 at 06:02 PM.
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Old 10-15-2012, 06:12 PM   #9
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Re: Totally out of ideas re: potty training

I didn't read all of the other responses but It's frustrating but he's going to get it eventually. I have to reassure myself that my child won't be doing ____ when he/she goes to college. And then take a deep breath.

My son learned to potty train recently at age 4. He learned to pee in the toilet quickly but then I was worried he'd never learn to poop in the toilet. The best thing I did for him was leave him alone. I sat him on the toilet with a pile of books and gave him some privacy and stepped in every now and then to check on him. Eventually he just went and after the first time, it was no problem. Now he goes in the back bathroom and wraps the shower curtain around himself while he poops. He really just needed me to go away so he could do his business.

Good luck!!
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Old 10-15-2012, 11:12 PM   #10
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Re: Totally out of ideas re: potty training

My older DD did this. She was pee trained day and night around 28 months, and she would ask for a diaper to poop in. She would NOT poop in the potty. We kept telling her as it got closer to her third birthday, that she would start pooping in the potty when she was 3. She still didn't want to do it, but I was so done with it. What I did was kept her naked from the waist down one day when she asked for a diaper. I told her I wouldn't give it to her and she was going to poop on the potty. She tried a few times but it didn't work. I basically had to follow her around the house and eventually I "caught" the poop in her potty when she was kind of standing/squatting. Then she finished by sitting on the potty. After she did it, she said something like "that wasn't scary." So she had been scared all that time. Once she pooped in the potty, she didn't wear a diaper again. It took a little while to where she was comfortable doing it, but she got the hang of it quickly.
wife to John (8/5/00) mom to D (7), A (4.5), and N (2)
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