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Old 10-14-2012, 01:05 AM   #1
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have you birthed alone?

My mom & husband (& accidentally my dad) were all there for my 1st hospital birth. Which lasted 20 hours out of hospital laboring, 9 hours in hospital w/ a non functional epi and 45 mn pushing and toothpaste tube extraction of placenta.
Now expecting in Dec and I want a natural as possible birth. Mom & especially husband are not supportive of this. If I go against husband's wishes and hire a doula he said he will stand in the corner & do nothing.
Based on the lack of support I picture doing as much of the laboring alone. I swear if he looks at me the wrong way I'm just going to have to ask him to exit.
So just how unrealistic am I being about laboring alone & possibly having just myself as my own advocate in the hospital?

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Old 10-14-2012, 01:20 AM   #2
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You need someone there. Someone supportive. Have you told him the benefits of a doula? Is it the money? If so a lot of doulas are just starting are low cost or even free. A doula is a must in my book. It was nice to have my sister and DH there. But when things got intense my doulas shined! They also helped me realize I was in true labor. We finally made the call to the midwife around 330am. She arrived at 4 and DS was born at 447!
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Old 10-14-2012, 06:06 AM   #3
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Re: have you birthed alone?

I think the support is Much needed, especially in a hospital setting. If you want to go natural you need an advocate in your corner to communicate with nurses and Drs during your labor. You will be more vulnerable to the Drs demands being a woman in labor alone. Overall, I hope your DH comes around, maybe try to share info about the benefits of natural labor and the side effects and consequences of unnecessary interventions. Otherwise a doula is a must.
For me, I would only feel comfortable laboring alone at home, in my element. But I prefer homebirth over hospital
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Old 10-14-2012, 06:07 AM   #4
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Re: have you birthed alone?

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Old 10-14-2012, 08:28 AM   #5
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Re: have you birthed alone?

First I told him all the things I was scared about and how a doula could help with them. That didn't work and telling my mom those things made her stop talking to me about the subject. I gave husband a full fact based document about benefits of a natural birth. That was a week ago and he has not read it.
He is so stubborn & ignorant about the whole thing I just want to bypass him & hire the doula. But I am afraid of the aftermath for me and baby girl if he is excluded from the whole thing. I wish I lived in another time or culture when fathers were not expected to participate.
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Old 10-14-2012, 08:38 AM   #6
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Re: have you birthed alone?

I would hire doula and let him either catch up or miss out. I am all about being on board with your spouse in most things but not birth. My SO was against my homebirth until I made him watch the business of being born. Totally changed his mind. For literature, put it on the back of the toilet and remove any books or magazines already there. Guys will always read whats behind the toilet. And remember, if you hire a doula...you won't be alone!! Maybe you can schedule a sit down appointment with one and just take him..tell him it's something else if he won't come.
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Old 10-14-2012, 08:47 AM   #7
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I am a very introverted laborer, I still would hire a doula for a hospital birth. Even if she isn't directly needed for support, you will need that buffet from hospital routine if you want to go natural in hospital

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Old 10-14-2012, 08:56 AM   #8
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Re: have you birthed alone?

Thank you, back of the toilet is excellent. He was in and out of doula interview. He said it was just a way for me to get affirmation of my previous birth experience.
I should rephrase my question:
Has anyone banned their H from birth and been happy with the family bonding g results afterwards?
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Old 10-14-2012, 10:12 AM   #9
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Re: have you birthed alone?

I am very tempted to ban my husband this time, as last time he was not supportive at all--he didn't actively work against me, but he just sat there unless he left so someone else I didn't want there could come in. The only thing stopping me is that I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I labored alone for my first birth. It ended in a c-section, but that was due to positioning, not anything I or the hospital did. I had a book and my Bradley training and was quite happy. BUT I am argumentative in labor so it was nothing to me at all to stand up to the hospital staff on the few things that really mattered to me. It was actually a really peaceful experience. My second birth was also a c-section and I was also alone for it because DD2 was a month early and we had no one to watch DD1. I was alone the first time because XH was deployed.

I think you will find a fair number of military wives who have labored and birthed alone. Bonding went fine for us each time, but the circumstances of solo birth were different than what you're discussing.

In general, being present at the birth shouldn't lead to a problem with bonding. After all, men have bonded with their children throughout all the years when childbirth was considered no place for a man (as I believe it still is in some cultures). However, in your case with your husband's...issues...well, I don't think that your birth preferences are the problem, I think his attitude is. And from the outside looking in it seems as though his attitude is going to be a problem one way or another, so figure out what will help you the most and let him be.
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Old 10-14-2012, 10:29 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redlichen
First I told him all the things I was scared about and how a doula could help with them. That didn't work and telling my mom those things made her stop talking to me about the subject. I gave husband a full fact based document about benefits of a natural birth. That was a week ago and he has not read it.
He is so stubborn & ignorant about the whole thing I just want to bypass him & hire the doula. But I am afraid of the aftermath for me and baby girl if he is excluded from the whole thing. I wish I lived in another time or culture when fathers were not expected to participate.
I understand he's being ignorant. But it doesn't have to be the doula just supporting you. Doulas can also.help your DH support you. Would he bewilling to take a natural birthing class with you?
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