Insight found, thanks.

[scwendy]

I was a single mother for almost 10 years, and I think there are several aspects of your situation that are concerning. But first, let me address the whole "first family" issue that has been brought up. What I THINK the PPs really meant to say is that unless you can adequately support the children you already have, you should not take on the responsibility of additional expenses (to include a second family). In that sense, yes, a man (or woman, for that matter) should have his (her) finances in order enough to care for the children before taking on a second family.

That said, it sounds like your husband CAN afford the state required amount of CS and it is perfectly reasonable that he remarried a woman he loves and had another child.

The amount of the CS and the pick-up and drop-off schedule make no sense to me. When I divorced, we used the same attorney and went with the state required amount of support AND it was in our decree that we split ALL travel costs equally. When it was time for my ex's visitation, we SPLIT the cost of the plane tickets.

If I were your husband, I would have the decree amended to COVER all aspects of the situation. I understand not wanting to rock the boat with the ex, but IMO (and this from a single mom of 3 for about 10 years), money, visitation and travel are ALL better handled through the courts. It protects EVERYONE involved and makes it official and NOT personal.

Trust me when i say it was best for our children, my ex and myself.

I hope you can find some peace and resolution soon.

[vatblack]

Originally Posted by qsefthuko You say he pays more than he should. How do you know this?

We had it calculated.

[qsefthuko]

I was going to add more. But perhaps for me a child who was in the children's shoes it is too personal. My step mama complained as well. My opinion was then she shouldn't have married a man with children.

I would say I am sorry you are upset but really my sympathy lies not with you, not with your husband, and not with his ex wife but with the children who are in the middle. He and she had the option of working out their problems. You had the option not to get involved with a man with children. The children had no options what so ever.

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

Originally Posted by qsefthuko I was going to add more. But perhaps for me a child who was in the children's shoes it is too personal. My step mama complained as well. My opinion was then she shouldn't have married a man with children. I would say I am sorry you are upset but really my sympathy lies not with you, not with your husband, and not with his ex wife but with the children who are in the middle. He and she had the option of working out their problems. You had the option not to get involved with a man with children. The children had no options what so ever.

i agree with this. i would never in a million years marry a man with kids, i know i would never be able to handle all that is involved. it's bad enough DH has student loan payments

[Suzi]

Holy cow! I am a singlE mom and I think I'm the most sympathetic to the op. my ex should pay me child support but I declined it. It wouldn't have been tons and I do ok on my own. I do want him to have a fair shot with his new wife. Them getting divorced would be horrible for my kids and I stink at commitments now. Their marriage is the role model for what my boys will think of for marriage.

I think it is part of my job as the ex wife to do what I can to help them. Hell, I've even done the dishes at their house when I watched the boys since they were both having long days at work. I think the op wants more of a vibe that they are working together and she deserves that. I understand getting into negative thinking and thinking u deserve something more but everyone is connected now and should act like it.

[vatblack]

..

[Suzi]

And I have seen many women on here bashing their dh's way more than the op talks about her dh's ex. Nobody tells those womn they should have never gotten married and they are bitter women that can't see what they have. No. We all give words of encouragement.

I understand some of u had parents with horrible divorces. Don't pity my kids. They are freaking fabulous and have 3 parents at love them.

[vatblack]

..

[Suzi]

Originally Posted by vatblack Wow, you want to be my husband x wife? Lol.

Lol, I do make a pretty fabulous ex-wife

Maybe all this will help all of you figure out some new strategies

[DalesWidda]

Ok, I am a single mom and I did not read the responses, but here is how it works for me. My ex pays very little in CS. It's court ordered from our divorce and has never been changed. So that might cloud my feelings a bit. I don't do any pick up/drop off. I am taking care of these children 6-7 days a week, without a break. I am barely making ends meet as it is. If he wants to see them as the non custodial parent, he can get off his hiney and come see them. HOWEVER, there have been a few times that he has had car issues and I will bring them over to him. I am certainly not heartless. So I have no advice, just telling you how we do things.