Angry.. another "nursing in church" vent...

[Michelle_M]

Originally Posted by kattayanna_mom I agree but I am the type that would be livid and refuse to pacify anyone for something like this.

But that wouldn't change anything and it would cause more tension and problems. And my main issue was that I didn't feel that I should have to miss service to go nurse. Moving to the back of the room doesn't cost me anything, and it removes me from being a distraction from the other church members... because even the ones who don't care that I nurse in church were distracted by my activities. And when everyone else got distracted, it distracted the preacher.

I truly feel that this was the best way to handle it, and I'm happy with it. However, the other couple is still not happy, I can tell, but they haven't said anything else to me about it.

God bless!

[Pampered Mama]

Originally Posted by kattayanna_mom I agree but I am the type that would be livid and refuse to pacify anyone for something like this.

We go to church to worship God, and learn the scriptures. We put others before ourselves, and have compassion and the willingness to compromise on things like these when a brother has a weakness (even if it may be the wife's insecurity!).

I think you did the right thing with grace and dignity, mama. You stuck up for your right to nurse your little one in church- even if you are in the back row.

[Only]

I am glad you have a compromise that you can be happy with.

I personally would keep on with what I was doing and not budge for anyone but that's me. I realize you have an entirely different opinion and various reasons for it.

I hope this is the end of it. Good luck!

[4boys1girlforme]

Originally Posted by Only I am glad you have a compromise that you can be happy with. I personally would keep on with what I was doing and not budge for anyone but that's me. I realize you have an entirely different opinion and various reasons for it. I hope this is the end of it. Good luck!

ITA. I can see how it could be better in this situation to compromise but I would also view it as a teaching moment- not only for Mr. and Mrs. Unreasonable but also for the entire congregation.

[Nica1108]

If you are covered and not making a scene, then nobody has the right to say anything to you. I was at a children's birthday party last year in a public park and one of the other guests had her boob LITERALLY hanging out most of the party for her 2 year old, no covers, nothing. She sat on the ground and her child just ran up to her in the middle of conversation, yanked her top right down and latched on for 10 seconds then ran off. Repeate every 5 minutes. We left early, my husband didnt feel comfortable within 15 feet of the party because her boobs were constantly hanging out (the other men didnt come near the party either). She called it 'bonding'. I honestly think I could have jumped in her lap & latched on!! As long as your not pulling a stunt like that every Sunday (and it doesn't sound like you are ;-)), then you have every right to nurse in church.

[Midwife@heart]

lol I don't cover my breasts, not even when I was nursing my 4 year old. Kind of sad that people are uncomfortable with that but not with the other crap they see on the streets. Boons are for babies. I'm sure most men wouldn't feel "uncomfortable" if there was a woman naked in front of them. Of course, as long as there's no baby attached to them O.o

[Teexie]

Originally Posted by Midwife@heart lol I don't cover my breasts, not even when I was nursing my 4 year old. Kind of sad that people are uncomfortable with that but not with the other crap they see on the streets. Boons are for babies. I'm sure most men wouldn't feel "uncomfortable" if there was a woman naked in front of them. Of course, as long as there's no baby attached to them O.o

Amen.

[BeccaSueCongdon]

Originally Posted by Midwife@heart lol I don't cover my breasts, not even when I was nursing my 4 year old. Kind of sad that people are uncomfortable with that but not with the other crap they see on the streets. Boons are for babies. I'm sure most men wouldn't feel "uncomfortable" if there was a woman naked in front of them. Of course, as long as there's no baby attached to them O.o

That's not necessarily true. Especially in Christian communities, there is a high value placed on respecting the nakedness of a woman and not taking pleasure in the nakedness of any woman other than your own wife. Obviously that's an intense internal struggle for most men because they are wired to physically respond to visual stimulation. I personally know a number of men for whom it is a genuine daily struggle. They wrestle with keeping their thoughts pure and not lingering on images or fantasies of other women. As a woman and a sister in the faith, I count it my responsibility to take their struggle into consideration when I make choices about where to feed my children and how much to cover.

I don't think it means all women should nurse behind closed doors. That's an unrealistic and unhealthy extreme that doesn't consider the needs of both parties. There is an extreme on the other end, the attitude of "get over it I'll whip my boobs out when and where I want." That's also an unhealthy extreme that doesn't consider the needs of the other person. Between those two extremes are a wide range of options that prioritize the needs of one or the other but still work to show respect and consideration for both parties.


The key issue with this specific situation is that it's within the specific social context of a faith community. For those of us (myself included) who count their faith and their relationship to their faith community as a core value, that adds to and shapes the way we address issues like this. Yes, babies need and deserve to be fed when they are hungry. And women deserve to be accommodated during the nursing relationship so they aren't excluded from worship. But there is a heart attitude at the core of it that makes all the difference and will influence the response of the other party and a shape the communities acceptance (or not) of breastfeeding.

A lot of the response here are very "in your face" and "get over yourself." That's your opinion and your right, but it doesn't translate over into a faith community like this. The expectation is that each person approaches the community - and others in the community - with humility, and considers he needs of the other to be more important.

Obviously the people the OP was dealing with we're NOT actin that way. They were focused only on their own narrow view of breastfeeding and ther discomfort. But we're not called to respond to each other based on the way the over person approaches us. We're instructed to relate to others in humility regardless, based on the principles of our faith. And the OP did that well.

I hope all of that makes sense. I'm not trying to argue and say "you're all wrong all the time." But rather I'm trying to communicate the social context of faith communities. In order to normalize breastfeeding and change our communities to be accepting of breastfeeding and encourage/support moms, the attitude has to be one that respects the faith community while challenging the system. It's possible to challenge the system in love and humility. But it's a much harder road than brazenly defying a system.

[Midwife@heart]

I was a church goer. I used to see women with very revealing and tight clothing at my church. Mostly Hispanics, we have a lot of curves and dress to show them lol. Yet, the past it's wife had the audacity of covering my 11 day old son and my breast while I was nursing him. I made it clear that it was not okay. She never did it again.
I like the saying that says "if the breast is sexual then the bottle is a dildo". If these people would not ask a bottle feeding mother to cover, then don't ask the nursing one.

[BeccaSueCongdon]

Originally Posted by Midwife@heart I was a church goer. I used to see women with very revealing and tight clothing at my church. Mostly Hispanics, we have a lot of curves and dress to show them lol. Yet, the past it's wife had the audacity of covering my 11 day old son and my breast while I was nursing him. I made it clear that it was not okay. She never did it again. I like the saying that says "if the breast is sexual then the bottle is a dildo". If these people would not ask a bottle feeding mother to cover, then don't ask the nursing one.

You obviously missed the entire point of what I said. You're entitled to your opinion, and are legally protected to nurse wherever you want.

I guess I just don't identify with the rabid self-centered attitude that puts your rights ahead of the needs of other brothers/sisters in the faith at all costs, with no room for dialogue, humility, and personal growth.

The OP handled the situation perfectly, and more progress will surely be made (to normalize breastfeeding and promote healthy acceptance in the wider xommunity) with her approach than the attitude portrayed by you and others on here who are ONLY focusing on the breastfeeding issue.

Breastfeeding in church isn't JUST about the mother/child's rights. It IS an important factor. But it's not the MOST important. The offended party's discomfort IS an important factor, but not the MOST important issue either. The important central issues (as with any conflict in a faith community) are approaching the conflict with an open heart to really understanding the needs/weakness of the other party, sharing your own needs in an honest and genuine way, and finding a solution that honors both parties. Not one that elevates one party at the expense of the other.