Question for parents of 3+ kids

[CherryPie]

We have four and still do things like travel but this is because our income accommodates it. Where I struggle is managing all the other activities like sports where they all need to be somewhere different at the same time We are not sure if we are done having kids or not.

[Kiliki]

Originally Posted by Nickel+3 I have 3 ( we want one more) and I love it. My children bring so much joy. Yeah we have to buy another plane ticket if we want to fly. Oh well. I love my kids. Totally worth it!

Originally Posted by Sweet_Fantasy_Fox We have four kids, everything now costs more but it is completely worth it to see the joy we bring to our children when we do fun things and go to fun places. We just save up so we can do what we want, I personally would much rather have the kids than go places though. We also claimed we'd never get a minivan, well, last October we bought our Odyssey Touring edition and it is an amazing vehicle, awesome on gas and so roomy, i love it and so does dh who also stated he'd never buy one..lol

Originally Posted by Fishie Kisses this. We are expecting our 4th (and last). We have a minivan, and we'll probably just plan ahead to drive everywhere rather than fly, etc. Disney will end up being a once every couple years TOPS thing, and not several times a year like we did when DS1 was an only. But the joy of having a big family and seeing my children light up when we DO get to do the big stuff...totally worth it. They will appreciate the special occasions instead of expecting them too.

I agree with all of these.

DH was very very VERY not wanting anymore after 2. Well, we're expecting #4, through a series of accidents and carelessness.

I thought he would take it really rough, but honestly, I think he was actually slightly more excited than I was initially w/both #3, and #4.

We have so much fun with our kids.

We would love to travel more, but tbh, the old cliche, "the best things in life are free" is proving to be true. We REALLY enjoy taking the kids to the park for picnics, or driving to the beach and spending a day - finishing it off with an ice cream cone, or going for walks, or playing in the backyard. We do a lot of things with our kids. It's just that most of the things we do are cheap or free. They don't even know the difference. To them, it's JUST as fun and exciting.

We still go on trips. This yr we've gone on more than any before (and this is our 1st yr w/3 kids). It was definitely more expensive. But we budgeted and saved for it, and used tax return money.

...I think we are finally done DONE now at 4 kids. I'm comfortable with our family size. But if another comes along ,that's ok, too! The more the merrier! I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of this "mom" thing!

[mommy24babes]

We have 4 and will still be going to Disney this winter flying there.

It's not an every year thing but I think the benefits of siblings far outweigh trips and material things.

We live within our means and plan ahead.
We don't feel deprived of anything.

I love my minivan <3 I had one with only one child

[Arabesque]

I only have two, but I am one of three. My parents did lots of vacations with us, but they mostly involved driving instead of flying. We also went camping each summer, and even though I hate camping I have fond memories of those vacations in particular. My mom also claims that the minivan was the greatest investment, especially as we got older (and drove across Canada). She liked that we each had our own space in the vehicle, and had room to bring friends if needed.

[qsefthuko]

I always dreamed of a van full of kids just like my mother.We have only 3 kids and are trying for a fourth. growing up I thought 4 kids was a small family. To me anything we sacrifice or give up is more than worth it. Since I grew up in a large family I don't think there have been any surprises or things I didn't already know about. At least on my part. My husband was one of only 3. So a small family. I think for him he didn't or doesn't understand the dynamics of a large family. Since we are not likely to have more than 4 and probably not more than 3 he may never fully understand. I know my husband considers 2 bathrooms a must. It is true we don't get to go to expensive places but the memories I treasure the most from my childhood were the trips to the local beach. The hikes at the state parks. Swimming in creeks. Biking or even just putting a puzzle together as a family. These things primarily cost my parents time not money. That I think is most important to children. How much time do parents spend with their children. Not how much money did they spend.

When we only had 2 kids I felt like we were depriving our children of the experiences you have with many siblings. I felt bad when my children would have no one to play with. As 1 of 12 kids I could always find someone to play with. We still only have 3 but it feels a bit better.

[abunchoflemons]

We have crossover with room for 6. We are having our 3rd. Not van but bigger. My sil has 8 kids & 6 live with her. We just find bigger places to meet. As a guy we had speak in church said" more kids older take care of younger ones after 2-3 kids......" kinda true.....

[elizabeth.scalf]

Originally Posted by CherryPie We have four and still do things like travel but this is because our income accommodates it. Where I struggle is managing all the other activities like sports where they all need to be somewhere different at the same time We are not sure if we are done having kids or not.

I agree with this. We just added a third. We still plan to travel and do anything that we want, it just takes SO muc hmore planning. Trying to fit in just a grocery trip juggling 3 nap schedules is insane. I can't imagine having more an d trying to add school drop offs, sports, lessons, etc. But, I know we are contemplating a fourth so it will work somehow or another.

Travel is much harder, and so if juggling nap schdules, but financially, once you have a few (especially one of each gender) then the basic additional cost isn't that much, not as much as it was to buy the gear and the new car and the family insurance for the first. (Of course, I don't have teenagers eating me out of house and home yet). Trying to find people to babysit gets harder. Trying to fit into one hotel room gets harder. So is staying at relative's houses.

[7 for now]

Originally Posted by raisingcropsandbabies I am one of 7, biologically children and I am best friends with my siblings. We talk on the phone every week and write emails and letters. And knowing there are 6 of them out there (and even more since I love all their spouses and children!) who love me, support me, encourage me... it truly is priceless. I am soooooooooooo thankful my parents gave me such a wonderful gift of so many siblings! I want that for my children with all my heart too. Sooo worth it.

We have 8 and are expecting #9. Our kids are best friends also. I love seeing their bond. They love to play together and be around each other.

To he honest we don't worry about money. We live debt free and dh has a wonderful job and I am able to stay home very comfortably. We homeschool. Dh travels 100% of the time for work and we love to go with him. Homeschooling enables us to do that.

We drove a Suburban until we had 6 kids them we ordered a 12 passenger van with every option available. I love it. We went to DisneyWorld last year with 8 kids and had a blast. We prefer to drive and sightsee along the way.

I wouldn't trade my big family for anything. We also live 2000 miles away from any family. It is not a big deal for us. We don't rely on them for anything and never have. We don't leave our kids with sitters, they go where we go so that did not factor into it. Both our families think we are nuts anyway for having so many kids. We prefer to not be around them.

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

[sarchamar]

I won't lie, it's hard sometimes -- maybe even moreso because our third wasn't planned. We aren't financially insecure at all, but I know that my kids don't have as many individual opportunities as they might have had otherwise, and as a family we definitely don't get to travel or have the extras that we used to. But I can say with certainty that we're much richer in other ways for having had this child and would never want to go back to our "old lives" now that he's here.

However, be aware that the world we live in is subtly (and sometimes not-so-subtly) designed for smaller families. Vehicles, housing, school or extracurricular activities -- all those are big expenses that we tend to consider before making a decision to go from a family of 3-4 to 5+. Still, there's a magic, unseen line there, and the third child pushes you right across it. And of course most people can't plan for it adequately because you didn't even realize it was there until you were already over it. For instance: In most hotels, the cost includes up to four guests per room only. Most restaurant tables seat four people. A lot of food you buy is portioned for two adults and two children (and not necessarily pre-prepared stuff either). Even taking our kids rafting this summer was tricky, because the rafts we could rent only held four people. As long as you have no more than four in your family, most people won't even register that information.

So, yes, we considered the vehicles, the space, etc. with our third, but mostly we thought in terms of absolutes, like we always had -- as in each additional kid adds X number of dollars to the family budget each month. But we're not paying our way as a family of 5 people anymore; we pay as what our society considers a larger-than-average family. The expenses don't just add up, they multiply. And that's what we didn't get. So the surcharge or an additional hotel room when we travel, a longer wait at a restaurant sometimes, two pounds of meat rather than one to cook a meal big enough for all of us, burning more gas ferrying another person to another separate destination, the extra raft on a rafting trip, etc., all hits us every time we turn around.

I had no idea how entrenched we were in that "two parents, two kids" paradigm until we didn't fit into it any longer. And although it wouldn't have changed our decisions, I feel like the adjustments would have been easier if I hadn't had to learn as I went along.

[mama_to_DJM]

Financially, there hasn't been a big difference (so far) between 2 and 3. Our 3rd (and last) is almost 4 years old. She hasn't hindered things any more than her brothers, kids # 1 and 2! I have ZERO regret with having 3.