Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-17-2012, 03:10 PM   #11
jcarter's Avatar
jcarter
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 105
Re: One and Done Moms

My first is 6 months old now. DH would like to be done, but we agreed to wait a year before we decide for sure and he gets snipped. I'm on the fence. I know I would have to feel pretty strongly about having another to convince him, and right now I don't think I do, but I'm waiting to see how the next few months go. I say if you are both happy, having an only is fine.

Advertisement

jcarter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2012, 03:10 PM   #12
hpfgirl's Avatar
hpfgirl
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 4,557
My Mood:
Re: One and Done Moms

It's great to be content where you are! Just reserve the right to change your mind.
__________________
Sara

3T/4T Trainers, and Toddler AIOs for sale.
hpfgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2012, 03:29 PM   #13
KaleidoscopeEyes's Avatar
KaleidoscopeEyes
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Springfield Missouri
Posts: 14,810
My Mood:
Re: One and Done Moms

we were totally going to be one and done. very very very adamant about it. then when we moved to MO x and i decided to try for another when ds1 was almost 6.
__________________
Super crunchy, atheist, vegetarian, liberal WOH and student mama to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wesley 16, Seth 9, Pandora Moonlilly 5 and Nevermore Stargazer 2, married to my awesome sahd artist hubby and partner to my amazing writer/techy boyfriend
KaleidoscopeEyes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2012, 04:08 PM   #14
SamanthaSews's Avatar
SamanthaSews
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 1,996
My Mood:
I always wanted a big family- like 4 kids. But after having one, I'm not so sure I can handle another & parent the way I would like to. DH says he is done. For me it depends on the day.

I don't really want ds to be an only child, but I don't really want to be pregnant again, go through recovery again or go through PPD again. So I'm on the fence. I would be content if it never happened & content if it did. But I kind of think of we had another it would be unplanned.

OP, I'm glad you brought up this topic. It has been on my mind a lot lately. I feel guilty for about not wanting to be pregnant again, even though I had a typical uneventful pregnancy. And I would feel guilty about not giving ds a sibling.

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum
__________________
Samantha, SAHM to Caden (12-24-10), Wife to DH, and blogger at Stir the Wonder
SamanthaSews is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2012, 05:02 PM   #15
NYCVeg
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 205
Re: One and Done Moms

Yep, we are one and DEFINITELY done. Dd is 6.5 and dh has had a vasectomy, so there's no question here. People never believed us--"oh, you'll change your mind when she's 2/3/4/etc.--but we're very secure and certain about our decision.

We absolutely love life as a family of three. Dd is very much our speed. We love that our house is reasonably quiet and reasonably clean. We love that we're able to live in a small apartment in a big city (very important to us, both based on personal preference and environmental reasons) and that we have the flexibility and financial leeway to send her to the school want, take vacations, etc. I like we can give her plenty of time and attention and still have plenty of time to ourselves; I'm an introvert, so quiet and time to recharge are essential to my sanity.

Only children are pretty common in our area, partly, I assume, because we live in a city and because of the particular professional circles we travel in. Just shy of half of the kids in dd's school are only children, so there's nothing unusual about it for her. She's never been particularly interested in having a sibling--I think she knows and likes that she gets our time, attention, and resources!
NYCVeg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2012, 05:25 PM   #16
NYCVeg
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 205
Re: One and Done Moms

Just wanted to add: I don't really get the "I'd feel guilty about not giving him/her a sibling" argument. A person is not a present for another person. I know many siblings who get along great and many siblings who have terrible relationships. I know siblings who have helped each other out when their parents are old/ill and individuals who have had to shoulder the entire burden while their siblings have done nothing. I know adult siblings who are friends and plenty of adult siblings who want nothing to do with their siblings, and many who think they would have been happier or better off without them.

Family dynamics are crapshoot. There are happy onlies and unhappy ones, happy siblings and unhappy ones. "Giving" your child a sibling doesn't guarantee that his life will be better and not "giving" him one doesn't mean that his life will be worse.

I think every family should have exactly as many children as they want, rather than feeling like they have to conform to some model of what a family is supposed to look like (and that cuts both ways--if you want 1, great; if you want 7, more power to you).

OP, you might want to check out the book "Maybe One," which debunks many of the myths about onlies. Contrary to popular opinion, the evidence shows that onlies are no more likely to be lonely, socially awkward, stubborn etc. and there are many positive benefits that correlate with being an only.
NYCVeg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2012, 05:29 PM   #17
magdalynaa's Avatar
magdalynaa
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 853
DD is 5 months. We're one and done. DH is getting a vasectomy.

I previously thought I would want at least 2 kids, but I'm not at all interested in being pregnant ever again. I'm also not really a "baby person," so when people tell me that "someday I'll see a newbie and want another," I get a chuckle. DD was the first baby I ever held... at age 30.
magdalynaa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2012, 05:59 PM   #18
Urchin's Avatar
Urchin
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 719
Re: One and Done Moms

I go back and forth as to whether or not we'll have a second. DD is a year old and I am 100% happy with having just her. Before i had kids, I said I'd probably be happy with just one.
I have no baby fever to have a second. I'd love the experience of being pregnant again despite complications I had before, but I'm not sure I really desire to have a second child. I feel fufilled and complete with just her.

This may change, but for now, I have no desire to have more.

I get a lot of flack about this. People pull the whole "she'll be so lonely" crap.

I'm sorry, but I've got a brother and a half-sister and I am not close to either. They cause more drama and hurt in my life more than anything. Like it was said above, family dynamics are a crapshoot. I personally think that having a second child simply to give your first child a companion is a poor reason to have another...
__________________
Rae- Mama to Audri born 10/10/11
Swagbucks earn me $$$
Blog?
Urchin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2012, 06:06 PM   #19
Angel89411
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 8,157
We were until a couple of years ago. Now we have 2 and are Done! I feel the pang now and then but mostly feel done. Our 2 are just right for us.
Angel89411 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2012, 06:16 PM   #20
thealmightyme's Avatar
thealmightyme
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 3,319
Both DH and I have huge age differences between our siblings. For me it ranges from 5-8 years on my dads side, I lived with my Mom, so I know what it's like feeling alone. On my moms side the age difference was 9 & 11 years. We decided to have one more so our son wouldn't be alone. Then my second pregnancy I had twins. So now we have 3. I got my tubes tied. I don't want another surprise.
thealmightyme is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.