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Old 10-17-2012, 07:23 PM   #21
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Re: One and Done Moms

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Originally Posted by magdalynaa View Post
DD is 5 months. We're one and done. DH is getting a vasectomy.

I previously thought I would want at least 2 kids, but I'm not at all interested in being pregnant ever again. I'm also not really a "baby person," so when people tell me that "someday I'll see a newbie and want another," I get a chuckle. DD was the first baby I ever held... at age 30.
Everyone has said the same to me, too. I was recently holding my new nephew at a wedding, and about 26 people said something along the lines of "makes you want another one, huh?!" Um, no. I was actually thinking about how I was somewhat miserable the entire first year of DD's life and have no desire to do that again anytime soon, and how I couldn't be more thrilled to be past that stage, lol.

I think I will probably want another one eventually. I have no desire to have another now, but I also had zero desire for kids at all until I woke up one day and felt like I wanted a baby NOW. Then came DD. If I get that feeling again, we'll go for it

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Old 10-17-2012, 07:45 PM   #22
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Re: One and Done Moms

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I always wanted a big family- like 4 kids. But after having one, I'm not so sure I can handle another & parent the way I would like to. DH says he is done. For me it depends on the day.

I don't really want ds to be an only child, but I don't really want to be pregnant again, go through recovery again or go through PPD again. So I'm on the fence. I would be content if it never happened & content if it did. But I kind of think of we had another it would be unplanned.

OP, I'm glad you brought up this topic. It has been on my mind a lot lately. I feel guilty for about not wanting to be pregnant again, even though I had a typical uneventful pregnancy. And I would feel guilty about not giving ds a sibling.

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I feel the same way!!! I actually really enjoyed pregnancy, but I had pretty bad PPD and just recently weaned off my medication. I'm scared to go back to that dark hole I was in ever again. At the same time though I get sad when I look at baby pics of DD. Even though she's only 15 months, she looks so big to me. I can't imagine not ever having another squishy but we will see.
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Old 10-17-2012, 08:05 PM   #23
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Re: One and Done Moms

My SIL wanted a one and only after she had my nephew, but my bro convinced her to have another . . . Their newbie turned out to be a very difficult infant and while they love her dearly, SIL confessed to me recently how much she wished she had stuck to her guns. She wanted one child, and only one . . .
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Old 10-17-2012, 08:58 PM   #24
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Re: One and Done Moms

I had one and was done...until this surprise pregnancy. After losing my son and the difficult pregnancy I had with my daughter, I was done and had no regrets. I enjoyed/enjoy all the things that we are able to do by having an only. Honestly, my DH took the news a lot better than I did. At almost 12 weeks, I am finally coming around to the fact that we will be adding to our family. I think that everyone else around me is more excited about the baby than I am.
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Old 10-18-2012, 06:48 AM   #25
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Re: One and Done Moms

Our DS is two and he will likely be our only biological child. I'm not great with the early years and the thought of another is not on our radar. When my husband said that we didn't have to have another I felt the weight lift off of me. It was pretty freeing.

That said, we have always talked about fostering (and possibly adopting) older kids. We would look into that when our son was older and request kids that were over the age of 5.
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Old 10-18-2012, 07:01 AM   #26
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Re: One and Done Moms

I know how you feel- you waited so long for your DD, she's perfect, and you can't imagine another baby. We waited 5 years for our DD and are so in love with her. Sometimes I feel like I can give her more of what I want to give her if she's an only, but part of me wants to have 4 more just like her! I'm going to give it awhile to see more how I really feel. Your DD is adorable from your icon.

I think if you all feel that she's all for you, that's great! No one should judge you on the size of your family. It's your life.
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Old 10-18-2012, 07:09 AM   #27
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Re: One and Done Moms

My son is 5. I was happy with just one child, but DH comes from a big family and wanted to just have one more. What finally got me to agree was that if something were to happen to both of us, DS would at least still have a sibling (even though he has a slew of cousins around him) for comfort, someone he could share stories of "Remember how Mom and Dad used to..." and things like that. It's sort of morbid, I know.

It was also a hard choice to make because of how the economy's been going. DH and I are middle class because we BOTH work, and in the state we live in, we have to make a lot of sacrifices in order to be middle class. We commute a ton, work opposite shifts to cut down on child care, live simply, etc. Children can become expensive, and honestly, there's no way we can have more than 2 kids without living by the skin of our teeth.

We're expecting in December, and I admit that it's hard to be a WOHM and start all over again, but I don't think I'll ever regret having another.

It's such a personal choice and no one should judge you for it. I mean, they will judge, but they shouldn't. I know I'm getting a lot of flack just because there will be a 5.5 year gap between my kids, but why should it matter to them?
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Old 10-18-2012, 07:55 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SamanthaSews
I always wanted a big family- like 4 kids. But after having one, I'm not so sure I can handle another & parent the way I would like to. DH says he is done. For me it depends on the day.

I don't really want ds to be an only child, but I don't really want to be pregnant again, go through recovery again or go through PPD again. So I'm on the fence. I would be content if it never happened & content if it did. But I kind of think of we had another it would be unplanned.

OP, I'm glad you brought up this topic. It has been on my mind a lot lately. I feel guilty for about not wanting to be pregnant again, even though I had a typical uneventful pregnancy. And I would feel guilty about not giving ds a sibling.

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I could have written this post myself. I would be fine with just having my ds but somedays I want to have another child. I am an only child and I think about how much I got to do that I wouldn't have got to do if I had a sibling and I don't want my son to miss out on things because we cant afford it.

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Old 10-18-2012, 08:31 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by keonli
What finally got me to agree was that if something were to happen to both of us, DS would at least still have a sibling (even though he has a slew of cousins around him) for comfort, someone he could share stories of "Remember how Mom and Dad used to..." and things like that. It's sort of morbid, I know.
While I understand this to some extent, my experience is that this will not always be true. My mother is the middle of three kids. Her older brother passed away before her parents, and her younger brother has Down Syndrome. She had to deal with the death of her parents alone (with my Dad of course). Talking to her younger brother, who still hasn't grasped the significance of their parents' deaths actually makes it hard for her. When she wants to remember her parents in a good way, she tells us kids.
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Old 10-18-2012, 01:01 PM   #30
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Re: One and Done Moms

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Originally Posted by keonli View Post
My son is 5. I was happy with just one child, but DH comes from a big family and wanted to just have one more. What finally got me to agree was that if something were to happen to both of us, DS would at least still have a sibling (even though he has a slew of cousins around him) for comfort, someone he could share stories of "Remember how Mom and Dad used to..." and things like that. It's sort of morbid, I know.

It was also a hard choice to make because of how the economy's been going. DH and I are middle class because we BOTH work, and in the state we live in, we have to make a lot of sacrifices in order to be middle class. We commute a ton, work opposite shifts to cut down on child care, live simply, etc. Children can become expensive, and honestly, there's no way we can have more than 2 kids without living by the skin of our teeth.

We're expecting in December, and I admit that it's hard to be a WOHM and start all over again, but I don't think I'll ever regret having another.

It's such a personal choice and no one should judge you for it. I mean, they will judge, but they shouldn't. I know I'm getting a lot of flack just because there will be a 5.5 year gap between my kids, but why should it matter to them?

Keonli your reasoning is what makes me so sad that my daughter doesn't have a sibling. The thought of her being alone in the world crushes me.
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