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Old 10-23-2012, 02:29 PM   #1
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Teens and public school

I have homeschooled for years. My teens are in 9, 10, & 12 grade. Two are in public high school, but for different reasons. The oldest has always been in PS and that is where he wanted to stay. My 10th grader is focused on going into the military (Coast Guard), and because of the deduction given on the ASVAB to HS students, he started PS again in order to keep those 20 points.

Now, we have the issue. We decided to homeschool for good because of the influence over our children's character and the ability for them to move at their own pace according to their own needs. It is also a decision we made because of our religious beliefs, wanting to give them a Christian education.

We have recently moved to a school district known to be one of the best in the state. It is more like a college campus (in terms of all they offer) than a high school. When my DD saw all of the offerings they offered her brothers, she began to be upset that she wasn't allowed to go. She has respectfully asked to be given a chance to go, but we are torn.

Yes, we have double standards I guess. We are more worried about our gullible easily influenced daughter than we are our sons. She is 5'11", and trim, and we already have issues with boys (and even full grown men) making advances at her *in* our presence. We are scared to death of what would happen without our guidance. (She doesn't realize when she is being eyed most of the time, and is far too trusting.)

How would you handle the situation if you were in it?

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Old 10-23-2012, 05:26 PM   #2
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Re: Teens and public school

Is there an option for part-time enrollment? Maybe just a class or two instead of all day?
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Old 10-23-2012, 05:35 PM   #3
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Re: Teens and public school

yea I understand your concerns. I really do.

But the double standard thing is really not cool. I would be upset if I were her, too.

Wish I had more advice, mama. Hope you can find a solution that works for your family!
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Old 10-23-2012, 05:37 PM   #4
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Re: Teens and public school

I would look at part time enrollment, or even look at a community college, if there is one handy.

Also, be very open and honest with her about your concerns.

On a side note, when did they start giving deductions for homeschoolers on the ASVAB? My husband was homeschooled and he scored a 90 something on his, out of 100, so there was no deduction for him. Granted, that was almost 13 years ago, but still. Y'all might want to double check on that one.
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Old 10-23-2012, 06:54 PM   #5
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Re: Teens and public school

I totally hear your concerns. But you can't have it both ways. It just isn't fair or right to let your boys go but not your daughter because she is attractive. (What I hear you saying). Unless you are willing to pull your sons, I would work to figure out a solution that allows her to go - even part time - to either the high school or at a community college.

One way to view it is that (especially if she is attractive), she needs to learn some life skills. Things like: becoming aware if someone is eyeing her, how to be safe, how to avoid and handle uncomfortable and unsafe situations, and how to handle inappropriate advances. Also, making sure she is focused on a person's inner qualities, and not their outer appearance.

Don't know what her and you are thinking of post-high school, but you do not want her heading off to college or out into the world after being cloistered away, and then suddenly discovering there is no mom or dad watching her, and she is a desirable commodity. Teens and young 20s explore and push boundaries. (Or is that toddlers... ). What I am trying to say, is look at it as an opportunity to grow; to teach and help her become more mature. If she can leave your house with a solid, grounded head on her shoulder, after being used to focusing on school, and having tools to handle "admirers"; having (frank) discussions with you - her parents - about what behaviors you promote, and why, she will be so much better prepared for life. Believe it or not, there are kids who go to high school who actually focus on school, lol.

Good luck. I am sure it is scary!
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Old 10-24-2012, 04:49 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leadmare
I totally hear your concerns. But you can't have it both ways. It just isn't fair or right to let your boys go but not your daughter because she is attractive. (What I hear you saying). Unless you are willing to pull your sons, I would work to figure out a solution that allows her to go - even part time - to either the high school or at a community college.

One way to view it is that (especially if she is attractive), she needs to learn some life skills. Things like: becoming aware if someone is eyeing her, how to be safe, how to avoid and handle uncomfortable and unsafe situations, and how to handle inappropriate advances. Also, making sure she is focused on a person's inner qualities, and not their outer appearance.

Don't know what her and you are thinking of post-high school, but you do not want her heading off to college or out into the world after being cloistered away, and then suddenly discovering there is no mom or dad watching her, and she is a desirable commodity. Teens and young 20s explore and push boundaries. (Or is that toddlers... ). What I am trying to say, is look at it as an opportunity to grow; to teach and help her become more mature. If she can leave your house with a solid, grounded head on her shoulder, after being used to focusing on school, and having tools to handle "admirers"; having (frank) discussions with you - her parents - about what behaviors you promote, and why, she will be so much better prepared for life. Believe it or not, there are kids who go to high school who actually focus on school, lol.

Good luck. I am sure it is scary!
BINGO!! Perfectly said! My daughter and I already have those "frank" conversations and she's only 11, but tall and lean, long blond hair and blue eyes......I know your fears all too well.
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Old 10-24-2012, 02:53 PM   #7
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Re: Teens and public school

Thanks y'all. I just re-read it and boy, I came across not how I meant to. Our DD actually has a good head on her shoulders. She has held her own (with older teens/young adults) while volunteering at a metropolitan zoo and in other situations without us. However, she doesn't have a lot of experience with being immersed in a large population her own age, and I we worry about her in that situation. My husband calls it "throwing her to the wolves". As far as double standards, it is what it is. I think it is more common than people will admit. I expect different things from my boys than I do from my girl. While a lot of my hopes and dreams are the same for them, as are my concerns, there are some that are gender specific. Like it or not, my girl is more likely to be sexually assaulted than my boys are. Stuff like that. When my kids were younger I used to think I could treat them exactly the same, but time changed things. Parenting teens is NOTHING like anything else in this world.

Anyhow, we made the decision to allow her to enroll. She has a list of expectations she must meet in order to stay there. (The boys have those as well, but each list is tailored to the individual child, it is not even across the board because no two of them are alike.)

They were so respectful of her when I enrolled her. They gave her all of the honors classes she requested, and all but one of her top choice electives. I knew it would take hours, so I took my 7 year old's school work with us. The principal said to me "Wow, it's nice to see that there are people out there who really do homeschool, and not just say they do".

Thank you for your advice and letting me just vent, because I think that is what I was doing. It is just against my personal convictions for the kids to be in public school, but we have young adults and want to give them freedom to make some choices over their lives.
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Old 10-24-2012, 02:53 PM   #8
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Re: Teens and public school

Quote:
Originally Posted by tallanvor View Post
I would look at part time enrollment, or even look at a community college, if there is one handy.

Also, be very open and honest with her about your concerns.

On a side note, when did they start giving deductions for homeschoolers on the ASVAB? My husband was homeschooled and he scored a 90 something on his, out of 100, so there was no deduction for him. Granted, that was almost 13 years ago, but still. Y'all might want to double check on that one.
I don't know when they started it, but I have had it verified twice.
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Riley & Dusty, twins lost 12/11 & 31/03~~Brody born still 5/28/05
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