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Old 11-06-2012, 02:23 PM   #1
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Who would you have…

In the delivery room… if you couldn’t have your husband, mother, or sister?

So this is obviously totally hypothetical for well pretty much all of you… but I’m trying to come up with people I could ask to be in the delivery room with me. Obviously I don’t have a husband. My mother and sister have stated they don’t want to be there (and that’s actually totally fine with me I think they’d stress me out more then they’d help.)

I had two friends in mind… but it’s become apparent as my pregnancy moves along that one of them and I are really not on the same page when it comes to child birth and parenting. The last straw was her trying to convince me that breast feeding would be the worst thing I could attempt. The other friend… is still a possibility but I’m not 100% sure I really want her there.

I have no other family members close or extended I would want anywhere near me while I’m in labor. Friends… well really wracking my brains I’ve come up with one or two others I might consider in absolute desperation. Though part of me is feeling like the wrong people would be worse then going it alone.

I’ll probably end up getting a doula… and maybe having the one friend if she’s willing.

But still curious what other people would do.

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Old 11-06-2012, 02:30 PM   #2
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Re: Who would you have…

OK, I know I'm biased, but definitely a doula. She is impartial and if you find one you really click with, it would be much like having a close friend there. If you want an additional person, choose a friend who is compassionate or at least holds her tongue when she disagrees with you...

Seriously though, you will be better off to not invite anyone you aren't comfortable with. It could even impede your labor! Negative emotions can stall labor and you don't want to have to deal with that while trying to concentrate on birthing your baby.

dona.org
and doulamatch.net if you need to find a doula.

Birth is one thing that I believe you need to go with your gut on. Trust your instincts. You still have plenty of time to find the right people.
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Old 11-06-2012, 02:40 PM   #3
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Re: Who would you have…

I don't have a sister (or brother).
There is NO WAY in HELL I would have my mother in the room with me. (ahem)
I really don't know who I would want there except DH. I suppose MIL... but that's not an option for you either, so not terribly helpful.

I agree with your feelings of not asking the one friend - if she's saying crap like that about breastfeeding, she's not going to support you in your choices during labor/delivery... or at least not without giving her :twocents: worth. Which is not the point.

If you are able to find a doula soon(ish), you would have time to meet with her and get to know her. I have heard great things about doulas, though haven't used one myself.
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Old 11-06-2012, 02:46 PM   #4
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I am getting a doula this time and I'm very excited about it.

Besides that, my husband will be there and his job will be support and letting the doula lead. So he'll hold my hand, tell me I'm doing well, massage my back if needed, etc. Whatever the doula tells him. Much more relaxed for him than last time when it was just us and he had to try and figure out what I might need.

So, if you find a friend to come - I would choose one that is really supportive and you feel comfortable with on all levels - nudity, etc.

If you have a doula, they (the friend) don't need to know anything - they just need to be supportive.
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Old 11-06-2012, 02:50 PM   #5
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Re: Who would you have…

Definately consider a doula! I loved my doula. She listened and was quick to get anything I needed. She was comforting and knowledgable.

ETA: Sorry I didn't realize I just posted on the DD forums I entered via the main page of DS.
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Old 11-06-2012, 02:51 PM   #6
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I would have a doula in that situation
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Old 11-06-2012, 03:10 PM   #7
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Definitely a doula. You can sometimes find one who is working to become certified who will work for a reduced fee too.

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Old 11-06-2012, 04:34 PM   #8
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I would not have anybody but a doula in your situation. Support without judgement. No awkwardness. No weird motives. Doula's are awesome! I've never used one but have a friend who is a doula. Priceless service to moms.
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Old 11-06-2012, 05:13 PM   #9
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Re: Who would you have…

Quote:
Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange View Post
Much more relaxed for him than last time when it was just us and he had to try and figure out what I might need.

So, if you find a friend to come - I would choose one that is really supportive and you feel comfortable with on all levels - nudity, etc.
I realized this was a problem when DH told me after a couple births - he really didn't know exactly what to do, but he did want to help, he just didn't know how. Now I'm much more vocal with him, telling him what I need him to do or get me He's a wonderful labor partner.

That's why I don't think there are many other people I could have in the room with me - I just wouldn't feel comfortable that exposed and vulnerable with others there. I mean, DH is... well, DH. And the nurses, well it's their damn job, lol. And a doula would fall into that place, too - her job. But friends or family... not so comfortable.
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Old 11-06-2012, 05:27 PM   #10
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Its actually not hypothetical for me so I can easily answer. If I dont find someone to take care of my dogs I will be without DH (deployed), a sister (dont have on and my sil is not an option), and my mom (and mil) would not make it in time for a birth (and cant just take time off and wait). I do have a friend I could depend on, but she will be taking DS. Soooooo that leaves no one. I am definitely hiring a doula.

Most likely I will find a good place for my dogs, but I am preparing for all possibilities (well not all but you know...)
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