Pregnancy After Loss (November)

[newcdmommy29]

I'm so sorry Deanna. I will be praying for you and your family. Please keep us updated. :hugs;

[canadianbakers]

Deanna. I know people (myself included) say to try not to compare lines, but I also know how difficult that is... and I know how it feels for that line to be just too light.
I kwym, too, about not wanting to face it. I have no idea whether I would go for that u/s or not, personally. I guess I would hope that, if things are bad, something would start before the appt, and if nothing started I likely would go in for it to see what's happening.

it means nothing and all is well. and more with whatever you choose to do.

[PaisleyDeann]

Originally Posted by leviandgarettsmom Pretty sure this bean isn't sticking around. I took a test almost 2 wks ago that my levels were so high the test line used almost all the dye & the control was almost a squinter. Tonight the test line was just barely darker than the control, which can only mean one thing...my levels are going down. I knew the minute I started to just go with it things would go down hill. I don't even know how to process this.

I'm so so sorry I will be praying that everything is good with baby still! I know it's so hard to stay positive when you fear the worst, I would take another test just to rule out if that one you took tonight was a funky test. I will be thinking about and praying for you.

[quicksilverNHS]

YAY for dopplers and pretty ultrasound pics, ladies. <3

Deanna---I hope you're wrong and it was just a funky test or diluted pee, etc. My lines fluctuated a lot this time and took FOREVER to get really dark. I was so nervous about it. Then blood tests showed my numbers barely doubling (ya know, the bare minimum), so I was so sure I was just waiting for the worst. We all know that fear and worry and I hope that you're wrong and that you have a healthy peanut growing in there.

AFM: Since someone stole my iphone on black Friday (hence me being gone), pics are a big PITA, but I'll post some later after I take some with my regular camera and upload them.

In the past week:
1. retired all my non-maternity pants. I was a size 8 (sometimes 6) pre-pregnancy and only 1 pair of pants still comes close to fitting and they are super uncomfortable. The rest, I can still get them on and get them up, but they just don't have a prayer of closing, haha.
2. I am feeling baby kick daily. Not all day yet (I'm waiting with anticipation ), but at least one or two little pokes a day, usually after I sneeze or pee---baby does NOT like it when I jostle him/her out of the comfy position. I finally got regular movement today (a little something every few hours), so i'm super happy today.
3. No more tummy sleeping. I could get away with it for a little while, but now it is too uncomfortable even to start off with. so, I still sleep lying on the side of my tummy with my leg out so I don't squish the baby, haha.
4.I've lost 3 lbs. I approve of this, but only because I know I'm eating enough calories---Thanksgiving, anyone? I have eaten more potato salad and stuffing and turkey than anyone should Puts total weight gain from pregnancy to 2lbs gain---not bad considering I was at 5lbs gain when I lost D at 23 weeks and 5lbs gain when I delivered my 10lb son in 2009, haha.
5. My acne is back---with a vengeance. Lends credence to the girl/ugly thing since the tech said she suspects that I'm carrying a girl since we didn't see any dangly bits on Monday's ultrasound.
6. My uterus is up to my belly button, or actually JUST below it; my doc confirmed. I know that's big for 14 weeks, but doc said it has more to do with the angle of my uterus (tilted forward---he said it explains why I look so big so early and always have with all my pregnancies, even my first) than with the size, but agrees that my uterus is probably measuring a couple of weeks ahead because it is my 3rd pregnancy.
7. My cervix is crazy long (7.5 cm) right now--WOOHOO! My doc said he's never even seen a cervix that long. He also said my cervix is "S" shaped at the very top, so he's hopeful that he'll have plenty of room to maneuver when he puts in my cerclage.
8. Cerclage date is set for Dec 18th. He said I'm getting a MacDonald cerclage (standard) as high up as he can get it using merseline tape (less risk of infection, stronger hold, more durable, less damaging to the cervix). I'll be given antibiotics before and he's not making me get a catheter since the procedure is so fast (yay! lower risk of UTI/bladder infection). And he said that I don't HAVE to have a needle in the spine and he'll schedule a consult with the anesthesiologist for me so that he can discuss what's best for baby vs me not wanting a needle in the spine because of the risks to me (I really don't want long-term back pain, spinal headaches, infection, or a myriad other things---sure epidurals and spinal blocks may be "routine" but people have long term side effects from them on a VERY regular basis). So yay for having options.
9. DH is in the "field"--luckily he comes home every night for at least long enough to catch a couple of hours of sleep, but it means he's basically out of communication until Dec 16th during the day. Makes me a little nervous since I have his phone (so I have access to emergency care if needed) because mine was stolen. Can't wait to replace mine so he can have his back and I can call/text HIM if I need him!
10. I'm in the second trimester---which means NOTHING as far as my risks, but it at least means that I'm OUT of the first trimester and solidly on our way. It means I'm in the exciting time when I can feel baby and such and don't have to be as afraid because I can be more connected. This is the special time when I alone have that one-on-one connection with my baby because only I can feel him/her and only I can know what is happening. In a few short weeks, I'll have to share the kicks and wiggles with Big Brother and Daddy and the rest of our friends, but for now, its just the two of us in this body getting to know each other.
11. Wrapping my head around the idea of a GIRL. Seems mind-boggling after being the momma of a boy for 4 years! That little guy has ruled my world for so long, its going to be a BIG change in gears! Not that I'm not looking forward to the challenge, but after Deagan, I always had this idea of having 2 little boys. Little brothers and partners in crime. That image is changing now and its a little heartbreaking to give up that dream, even if I've known for a long time that Deagan can't fill that role. But, at the same time, a girl means tutus and bows and frilly stuff that'll drive my husband crazy I know I'm going to love this baby insanely regardless of gender, but boy is it sure gonna be different! We'll see if the tech was right, but since Smidget has been SWEARING this baby is a girl since my BFP, I'm going to bet he's right. Strange!
12. Not going home for Christmas Since my surgery is the 18th and I'll be recovering til the 20th or 21st on bedrest, there's just no way to get it all done. Which also means that I need to get ALL of the Christmas shopping done early and get gifts mailed and the house decorated and the meal plan planned out so that I can take it easy between my surgery and Christmas and not overdo it---I am still going to make a super tasty Christmas dinner and bake cookies and such, though. Just with lots of help from DH and some friends

I think those are all the big developments, at least as far as pregnancy goes. I'm still not buying anything any time soon. I'm just terrified of having something go horribly wrong again and then having to walk back into a house with a nursery that's almost all set up and all these baby things meant for this baby that will never be worn or played with or used. Man, I don't think I can deal with that!

[leviandgarettsmom]

FMU=line half as dark as the control. M/C #4. And my last. I can't go through this anymore.

[canadianbakers]

Originally Posted by quicksilverNHS I think those are all the big developments, at least as far as pregnancy goes. I'm still not buying anything any time soon. I'm just terrified of having something go horribly wrong again and then having to walk back into a house with a nursery that's almost all set up and all these baby things meant for this baby that will never be worn or played with or used. Man, I don't think I can deal with that!

Boo for crappy phone-stealing people. Man, seriously, people suck. (as a general rule!)

Love your list, btw - the 12... things of right now
for more movement! I'm still not feeling Hiccup moving all day, though if he parties like we saw on the u/s then I'm really just not feeling it. After the kids go to bed and through the night I get lots of kicks and thumping around - last night I was laying on the couch reading and my book kept getting kicked and bumped around After a while, I put it aside and just watched my belly jumping and moving Love that! Even if it does feel like an alien in there!
Don't wanna talk about weight gain - I'm all right with my weight gain, moreso since having the u/s, but it still isn't "fun" to see those numbers climb - normal for me, but not that much fun.
I have no acne tricks, sorry. I did find, in the first trimester, my skin was a lot better when I was eating a lot of cucumbers (which worked, cuz I was craving them). I don't normally get much acne trouble during pregnancy, instead I get weird splotchy dry spots. Boo.

I'm so glad your cervix is so long!!!! (that sounds strange... but whatever) That's an awesome place to start!!! And it does sound promising for good luck with the cerclage and all that - which I'm also about, the Dr listening and agreeing with you that doing a preventative one is better than waiting to see how things go. I mean, I'm sorry that you'll have to have one done at all... but I'm glad that he's taking things seriously and you are getting the best care plan for your situation!
I do kwym about the whole epidural/spinal thing - when I get a kink in my shoulders/back it always starts in the spot where I had my epidural with my first labor, and I got a wicked spinal headache from the epidural with my c-sec. Literally. BUT. Even with that experience, if they said it was the best and safest option for the baby, I'd do it again in a heartbeat - that risk to me is worth it. hopefully they'll have some other options for you.
Sorry that means you won't get home for Christmas - though that's totally worth it, IMO. Is there any way family could come to you guys instead? Even if it's just you guys and some friends - that can be a wonderful Christmas too! We've had many with just DH, me, and the kids

Being the only one feeling Baby and having that time together is awesome
I kwym about not being ready to buy things just yet though. Which I guess is good in my case, cuz we're dealing with managing Christmas and all that right now anyways. But normally I've always just waited for tax return time - this time Hiccup will be here before the return, likely, so I can't plan to wait until then! Not that there's terribly much we need anyways. Just that what we do need (car seat, mainly) is $$.

Originally Posted by leviandgarettsmom FMU=line half as dark as the control. M/C #4. And my last. I can't go through this anymore.

Is it lighter than the one from yesterday? I'm still that this is all some weird... something or another and everything is okay. But I know holding on to that hope isn't easy - for me, it's not something I can do, unfortunately.
And I understand that feeling of not being able to go through it anymore.

[Harmony96]

Deanna.

[Sunshine915]

I'm so sorry, Deanna. I wish I had something profound and beautiful to say, but I do still hope that things are okay.

[leviandgarettsmom]

I assume in this thread it is okay to be somewhat bi-polar in our emotions! One of my lovely DDC mamas took time to find this for me & even tested herself & confirmed her line now was half as dark as it was 3 wks ago.
http://babyandbump.momtastic.com/pre...ncy-tests.html
I feel soooo much better...for now!

[Sunshine915]

Originally Posted by leviandgarettsmom I assume in this thread it is okay to be somewhat bi-polar in our emotions! One of my lovely DDC mamas took time to find this for me & even tested herself & confirmed her line now was half as dark as it was 3 wks ago. http://babyandbump.momtastic.com/pre...ncy-tests.html I feel soooo much better...for now!

Good good good! Pregnancy tests aren't quantitative, so try not to read into lines much (and YES I get how hard it is to listen to my own advice!) Glad to see you're feeling better. Being "bipolar" has to be pretty normal for preggos, especially ones hoping for rainbows. Been there, done that...and STILL there sometimes!