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Old 11-16-2012, 08:11 AM   #51
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Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party

I also wanted to add that the people I DO tell in real life can hardly believe she is so nasty at home. She is the sweetest little girl in public. She would never, EVER act out in public. She also was mortified when she realized Grandma was going to know she'd thrown a fit one day. That tells me something in her little brain has a moral compass forming.

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Old 11-16-2012, 08:37 AM   #52
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Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party

Honestly.. I would just fess up that you were having your own tantrum, agree to drop the whole tantrum issue, and start over and pretend none of it ever happened.

You don't have to say "I'm sorry", but just admit that you regret it.

Then, have a plan in your own head for the next time and make the consequence more appropriate and then follow through.

During a tantrum, I don't think she is really able to shut it down by herself right now. So, a "if you don't stop...." type of consequence is a lose-lose for everyone. I don't have any better ideas for you, but i'm just suggesting you don't set both of you up for failure.

Personally, in my daycare, if one child is out of control, and others are suffering for the tantrum, we just leave the child in the daycare room, close the double doors, and go in the kitchen to do something else until she is done. (same child got kicked off an airplane a few years ago and she and Mommy had to spend the night in Seattle..so her tantrums were BAD) But, anyway... we'd let her scream alone in a room, and we went to have fun in the other room. It still made me furious, and there was no escaping the screaming, but she thought we were escaping it, so it ended sooner if she was "alone".
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Old 11-16-2012, 08:46 AM   #53
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Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party

hey good mama- thinking about you today... I know I wrote a rambling mess, but wanted to add just because we don't tantrum, doesn't mean we don't have our own things Our first girls are of similar age, so I'm looking at it that way-- they really are trying to learn to be themselves, fit into the family-- and we want them to be responsible, helpful, thoughtful, respectful, and confident. I think this is when battles of will are starting in my house. I personally am working on trying not to make it a battle and butt heads-- trying (trying) to catch it before it escalates. So I'm trying to include her in the decisions (all choices are really mine but this way she is "responsible") and come up with things to occupy her when getting ready. Sounds manipulative, but I think in a good way. She quickly started coming up with things she needed to do without being told (I was amazed!) She wanted to be part of things, not be told we'd get around to her when we were ready (and I'm not close to perfect I've totally said that and wanted to take it back).

One thing I need to do is work on my own escalation I want to say less I wish I could take back. I dropped a gem in front of her daycare teachers this week and I don't know when I'll get over that.
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Old 11-16-2012, 08:57 AM   #54
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Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party

poster wanted to remove because it doesn't add anything to the thread and I think we are now all on the same page
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Last edited by c&w's mama; 11-16-2012 at 01:23 PM. Reason: I didn't need to say this :)
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Old 11-16-2012, 09:29 AM   #55
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Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party

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yikes! was my first response. I know my daycare can't leave kids alone. I'm sure someone can see them, though. I'm confused as to why you'd be furious-- they're just kids. Frustrating to be sure.

I would think that would scare the child, not teach new ways to deal with emotions-- so they learn not to tantrum. As a daycare mom, please just tell the parents how you deal with it to make sure they're on the same page
No..she was fine. The double doors are glass, the kitchen is on the other side of the doors, and Yes, I was furious, annoyed and sick of it.

This girl was removed from a plane, and kicked out of hockey for her tantrums.

She wasn't afraid that we didn't sit in the room with her while she screamed.

Kids aren't as fragile as some might think. At four or five, she can handle the responsibility of dealing with her own tantrums.

Seriously.. I've been working with kids since the early 80s.. I know how to deal with tantrums. Not all get the same thing, some are little tantrums, and we can ignore them...but, others are bad enough that we will all leave the room.
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Old 11-16-2012, 11:42 AM   #56
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Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party

I don't know. Maybe a few times of loosing something she really wants will help her decide to make better choices.

Read this - it will make you feel better.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/08/08/grounded-thank-mom-and-dad/

Yes, parenting is hard!
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Old 11-16-2012, 11:47 AM   #57
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Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party

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No..she was fine. The double doors are glass, the kitchen is on the other side of the doors, and Yes, I was furious, annoyed and sick of it.

This girl was removed from a plane, and kicked out of hockey for her tantrums.

She wasn't afraid that we didn't sit in the room with her while she screamed.

Kids aren't as fragile as some might think. At four or five, she can handle the responsibility of dealing with her own tantrums.

Seriously.. I've been working with kids since the early 80s.. I know how to deal with tantrums. Not all get the same thing, some are little tantrums, and we can ignore them...but, others are bad enough that we will all leave the room.
I actually logged back in to say I wish I could take that back. We don' t know each other. I don't know your situation and I know you don't know mine. I'm sure you're a wonderful teacher. I overreacted because this is something I am VERY fearful of in my own life. This has nothing to do with you. I know there are differences. (truthfully, I was very relieved that a boy was removed from DD's daycare because they just aren't equiped to deal with more extreme cases-- sounds like they could have used you. I don' t think kids get free reign ever-- especially when it effects anyone else)

Sorry I posted pp. Its just about OP.

(thanks for the details-- even though I absolutely don't think you have anything to justify)
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Old 11-16-2012, 12:19 PM   #58
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Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party

Our therapist also told us to just walk out of the room when kiddo is tantruming. First line of defense---remove the audience.
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Old 11-16-2012, 12:22 PM   #59
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Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party

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I actually logged back in to say I wish I could take that back. We don' t know each other. I don't know your situation and I know you don't know mine. I'm sure you're a wonderful teacher. I overreacted because this is something I am VERY fearful of in my own life. This has nothing to do with you. I know there are differences. (truthfully, I was very relieved that a boy was removed from DD's daycare because they just aren't equiped to deal with more extreme cases-- sounds like they could have used you. I don' t think kids get free reign ever-- especially when it effects anyone else)

Sorry I posted pp. Its just about OP.

(thanks for the details-- even though I absolutely don't think you have anything to justify)
No problem... I got defensive too. Sorry.
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Old 11-16-2012, 12:32 PM   #60
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Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party

btw, escapethevillage, I don't think there's a harder job than daycare. Or raising tiny humans in the first place.

ok, now I'll really get back to OP!

hope you're having a better day and maybe a sleep over is good for everyone! (?)
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