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Old 11-14-2012, 08:42 AM   #1
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wavering between did I cause this and I expected it...loss

So on Nov. 7th I got a nice pink BFP. I should have been thrilled but there was a hesitation on my part I chalked up to having a previous m/c. I tested like a nut for the last 6days all with good lines. But I just didn't "feel" this pregnancy if that makes sense. Again I just told myself it is because of the past. Last night I dreamed I miscarried. When I went to the bathroom there was tan/brown in the cm. About an hour ago I started bleeding. I am breastfeeding my 16 month old who is an avid nurser. So now I am wondering if by continueing to nurse did I cause this even though I deep down "knew" this was not going to end well.
I am just sad and numb right now. I hate this as it takes all joy from pregnancies in the future and you always wonder who the child would have been. I guess I am just hurting and needed somewhere to unload. We did not tell anyone because I just from the beginning couldn't shake the doomed feeling. UGH!

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Old 11-14-2012, 12:17 PM   #2
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Re: wavering between did I cause this and I expected it...loss

You did not cause this at all mama!!! Sometimes it just happens, as I too am learning. It doesn't make it any easier to understand, but it's the truth.
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Old 11-14-2012, 12:22 PM   #3
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Hugs mama, you did not cause this. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Old 11-14-2012, 12:31 PM   #4
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Re: wavering between did I cause this and I expected it...loss

Your doomed feeling didn't cause this. Sometimes you just know when something isn't right. Your feelings however do not cause the issue. I am so sorry you are going through this.
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Old 11-14-2012, 07:03 PM   #5
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Re: wavering between did I cause this and I expected it...loss

Thank you all and I am so sorry that you all understand and can relate. I just want to scream and wish I wouldn't have told dh. If he didn't know then I wouldn't feel like screaming at him for being what I feel is so casual and cold about it. I want him to hold me and offer to take the kids and let me have some time but that isn't happening. I know I am just angry and hurt right now. The intensity of the bleeding and cramping is picking up and all I want is to be left alone to mourn and cry. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for being a safe place to vent and offer support. I think I would go mad without this outlet. My sincerest heartfelt thanks and sympathies to you ladies who have BTDT.
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Old 11-14-2012, 08:02 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by fishingfor5
Thank you all and I am so sorry that you all understand and can relate. I just want to scream and wish I wouldn't have told dh. If he didn't know then I wouldn't feel like screaming at him for being what I feel is so casual and cold about it. I want him to hold me and offer to take the kids and let me have some time but that isn't happening. I know I am just angry and hurt right now. The intensity of the bleeding and cramping is picking up and all I want is to be left alone to mourn and cry. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for being a safe place to vent and offer support. I think I would go mad without this outlet. My sincerest heartfelt thanks and sympathies to you ladies who have BTDT.
Still thinking about you mama, I can vividly remember what you're going through and I'm sending you healing vibes. I think that it's really hard for men to understand the 'depth' of emotion and pain that mc causes. I also know that my dh felt wretched about it but didn't want to add to my pain so acted like everything was normal. Our second mc happened on my 30th bday and he slaved away all day making a wonderful dinner for us, but I wanted to punch him in his face.....who wants to celebrate anything at a time like that? I look back now and appreciate that he was trying really hard to help me heal, I just didn't "get" it at the time.
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Old 11-14-2012, 08:08 PM   #7
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I nursed thru a pregnancy and lost the one that I did not. I know how hard a loss is. Trust me. But know its usually chromosomal. Not because of anything that we did. Or else they could stop them- but we all know there is nothing they can do even progesterone isn't fixall :/

Big big hug!
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Old 11-14-2012, 08:09 PM   #8
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Re: wavering between did I cause this and I expected it...loss

So sorry mama It was nothing you did.
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Old 11-14-2012, 08:21 PM   #9
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Re: wavering between did I cause this and I expected it...loss

so sorry, sweet mama.

It is such a terrible thing to go through and for the day that it can help-- yes! It was NOT your fault. (seeing someone else go through it brings it all back)

sending you hugs and support (even if from a total stranger)
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Old 11-15-2012, 12:34 AM   #10
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Re: wavering between did I cause this and I expected it...loss

If not being immediately jazzed about a pregnancy or nursing while pregnant could cause miscarriage, there would be a hell of a lot more of them. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Massive hugs. We will grieve with you, even if your dh is being a doodie head.
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