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Old 11-08-2012, 05:14 PM   #1
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(UPDATE in OP) Unexpectedly foster parents...

Okay I need to vent/get advice from people that maybe understand. Are any of you relative foster parents??
It is a long story but my nephew was removed from my sister (and her ****** bf- but that's another story...) and we were asked to take care of him. I have a 3 year old DS and a 10 month old DD and he is 2 1/2 years old. I of course said yes because I love him and its family. He should be here over anywhere else. Anyway, he has been here a week now and it has been very rough. He should be able to go home as soon as their new home is approved and they jump through a few more hoops. It has been so heartbreaking watching him call out and sob for her and he cant have any contact with her. He has even begged me and gotten angry. I cant imagine having my babies taken from me. My sister is pregnant and trying to not let the stress of this affect baby in the womb, but this as you can imagine is a nightmare. He has been settling in now and I think is getting used to our routine. He asks about them but doesn't hysterically cry like before. It has been very challenging to go from having a toddler and baby to 2 toddlers and a baby overnight. They gave us the paperwork to become a licensed foster home and we will if we need to but I really hope he can go home soon
Maybe I am just not accepting that it could be awhile. They said if she doesn't get custody back before the baby is born, that they will take the baby from the delivery room ...that would KILL her. Anyone have any advice? he is very confused. We are trying to keep him busy and distracted. They are also saying that despite it being against his religion and him having allergies that they are going to force vaccinations. his mom is extremely upset about this, as am I. When I look into the law, it says that religious exemption is valid but I am too scared to fight it in fear of them taking him from my home. I don't want to mess anything up and him have to be with strangers (not that all foster parents are bad, he just wouldn't know them) If you pray please keep my family in your prayers, thanks!

UPDATE __________11-14
Ok so I don't know if anyone is still following this or are curious as to how things are going but I wanted to update anyway. My sister had to call every single day multiple times to finally get a hold of the supervisor and ask why we haven't been assigned a caseworker and why she hadn't been given a supervised visit when the court said they would get one within 10 days. They told us that it was because there was a mistake in how they entered the case in the system and that we should be contacted finally by the caseworker soon. They are doing a visitation tomorrow morning. He gets to see them for 2 hours. I think its good he can see them, but its going to be like we are starting all over again as far as him crying for them and being upset. He has also been very very sick. Her has asthma and a cold and it sent us to er. Poor buddy. Anyway we had the doctor appointment today and they would not bend on the vaccination issue. She said they sent a special letter with his file demanding vaccinations. He didn't get any today because he is sick but she made up a schedule so that he would be all up to date by august of next year. My sister was hysterical and I am so upset about this. I have read through Illinois law and it states that the only exemption is with religious exemption. SO I know that is the law yet they are refusing to recognize it and I cant fight it at all or he will be taken from me. I am also concerned about my children being unvacinated being exposed to him while they shed in his system. scary stuff!
Hopefully we dont have to deal with it though because they also told my sister that she should be contacted finally by the caseworker and they will set up a meeting. and they agreed to do the meeting in her new home and do the inspection then!! And the judge gave the caseworker permission to release him back to them if the inspection of their new home came back good! We are praying hard that he goes back with them this week. Even if they dont get full custody back yet, he should still be with them!!

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Last edited by MandeeTheGreat; 11-14-2012 at 07:20 PM. Reason: grammar
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Old 11-09-2012, 07:40 AM   #2
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Re: Unexpectedly foster parents...

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Old 11-09-2012, 07:55 AM   #3
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Re: Unexpectedly foster parents...

So much depends on why you have him. If it's a domestic abuse situation (my mind went there due to you comments on the boyfriend), courts take that pretty seriously at least here. If you want to give us the reasons why he was removed, some of us more experienced with the system can give you a couple clues on what could happen next and a timeline. It is also odd he isn't having visits with her. They start those up within a few days of removal here and have them with even the most incompetent of parents.
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Old 11-09-2012, 07:57 AM   #4
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Re: Unexpectedly foster parents...

As for vaccines, I had a bio mom not want her baby to have any and I know they would have gotten a court order if she didn't finally agree to it. Her reason had nothing to do with religion though.
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Old 11-09-2012, 08:13 AM   #5
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Re: Unexpectedly foster parents...

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Originally Posted by WynneBabies View Post
So much depends on why you have him. If it's a domestic abuse situation (my mind went there due to you comments on the boyfriend), courts take that pretty seriously at least here. If you want to give us the reasons why he was removed, some of us more experienced with the system can give you a couple clues on what could happen next and a timeline. It is also odd he isn't having visits with her. They start those up within a few days of removal here and have them with even the most incompetent of parents.
No abuse, it was because instead of having utilities they used rain water and a generator. Apparently that's illegal and is "neglect". None of us can even get a hold of the case worker. Either they are seriously behind or they are ignoring us. They have gotten a home now that has all utilities and just have to have it inspected for him to be released to them. Just a simple walk through, but here we all are waiting. They should do visits. It would probably be harder on him though.
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Old 11-09-2012, 08:29 AM   #6
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Re: Unexpectedly foster parents...

I can't believe they won't even let him see his mom because of that???
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Old 11-09-2012, 08:34 AM   #7
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Re: Unexpectedly foster parents...

This makes me sick! I can not believe that he was removed for that, why didn't they offer assistance??!!
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Old 11-09-2012, 08:54 AM   #8
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Re: Unexpectedly foster parents...

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Originally Posted by need some diaps! View Post
I can't believe they won't even let him see his mom because of that???
Quote:
Originally Posted by s@hmommy View Post
This makes me sick! I can not believe that he was removed for that, why didn't they offer assistance??!!
Because her bf (baby daddy) is crazy and forced her to close the door in dcfs face and try to sneak out the back over a fence!! The situation is complicated mostly due to him and how he manipulates her into listening to him. A 5 month pregnant woman hopping a fence..really!?
Anyway there is too much to explain but he refuses to get a job and be part of "the system" and thinks a bunch of theories about the government trying to kill us all and trap us. She had to fight him for months for him to let her get food stamps and medical assistance. I don't understand why she listens and follows him. She should have left years ago. She acts like an abused woman (we think mental/verbal abuse) Anyway all that was probably tmi but I cant like a person that wont do what they have to, to support their family...
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Old 11-09-2012, 09:46 AM   #9
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Re: Unexpectedly foster parents...

I think there may be more to the removal than the rain water and generator. More in regards to your last post. The fact they tried to run may be more of a reason he was removed. Huge no-no. A shame you can't get a hold of the caseworker. Keep trying. You should be able to find out what exactly has to be completed before mom can get her son back. It could mean losing the bf as he may have gave the agency huge red flags. If she acts like a battered wife, she probably is. Sometimes I think psychological/verbal abuse is worse internally than physical. Despite all that, she should be getting visits and a clear plan.
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Old 11-09-2012, 09:47 AM   #10
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Re: Unexpectedly foster parents...

But then again, maybe they'll just walk through the new home and he'll go back to them. One can never tell.
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